Drenched in Water: A Catching Fire Parody
by CrazyNerdyFangirl
Summary: A parody of Catching Fire where Katniss is girly, Peeta is a lovesick idiot, Gale is emo and suicidal, and many more characters get...changed. Katniss, you spoon! It's not easy being a victor of the Hunger Games... R & R?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I was…how do you put it? Bored as hell. So I decided to write a parody of Catching Fire. I love parodies, but I've never attempted to write a parody for a whole book before. If this has been done before, please tell me. I realize that everyone is way OOC. That's the point. This is my first Hunger Games fic, but please don't take that as a sign to go easy on me. ConCrit is always appreciated. I **_**really**_** shouldn't be starting a new story, but I can just freehand this, so I'll take less time to write each chapter. Katniss is a girly-girl. Peeta acts like freaking **_**Romeo. **_**Gale is emo and suicidal. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Catching Fire.**

Katniss Everdeen clasped the flask between her hands even though the warmth from the tea had long since leached into the frozen air. Her flask gave her comfort, for some reason. Her muscles were clenched tight against the cold. And she began to wonder…

What the hell was she doing here?

She was in the forest. Some of you might think that she was hunting. But no, she was merely applying makeup. Everyone knew that in the woods was the absolute best place to apply makeup. The sounds of the chirping birds were so _calming _to the avid makeup-applier. She set her flask down and began putting on eyeshadow. It was _glittery_. Because who doesn't love sparkly eyeshadow? Katniss believed that the answer to that question was "_no one"_.

Soon, everyone would be at her new house in the Victor's Village. The reporters, the camera crews, and maybe even Effie Trinket, her old escort, would have made their way to District 12 from the Capitol. There would also be a staff thatshe could boss around (of course she liked bossing people around). A prep team to make her look awesome. Her stylist and friend, Cinna, who made the outfitsshe had worn in the Hunger Games.

_Oh My. Gosh_, she thought. _This Victory Tour is going to be so awesome_. She could stand in front of crowds and talk to famous people. She could finally meet the families of the people she'd killed. She made a mental note to dress particularly nice for the occasion. She was sure all of the families would love her for winning the Games. She loved when she get a chance to remember the Games, because she had _kicked everyone's ass_.

She believed she was just awesome like that.

The day was passing by and she still hadn't come back to her house yet. She would be _late_. She wanted to get ready for the Victory Tour. She made herself stand up. Her joints complained and she groaned. She'd been in the woods for three hours, and she hadn't even put on all of her makeup yet. This was a huge fail for her. Her mother and younger sister, Prim, would be so disappointed in her. It was like they thought she would actually _help_ the family. But it wasn't like they couldn't get any meat. They could buy some in town whenever they wanted. But her best friend, Gale Hawthorne, and his family actually expected her to hunt for them. He couldn't hunt anymore because he had to work in the coal mines. That's what he said, but Katniss was sure he was just secretly at home, cutting himself.

You see, Gale had a problem. He suffered from depression, and whenever he found a blade, he would start to cut himself. He used to be so good at hunting—he hunted for both Katniss' and his families, but they had to tell him to stop hunting. When hunting, you have to use _knives_. They had learned to keep Gale far, far away from sharp objects.

Flashback

"_I want to commit suicide!" 14-year-old Gale proclaimed suddenly. Katniss and Gale were hunting and they were slipping through the woods "quietly". Katniss wasn't really hunting, of course. She was applying blush as they made their way through the woods. Gale didn't seem to care—he was too preoccupied in his own thoughts. Of course, then, Katniss didn't know what he was thinking about. She had thought that he was thinking about eating a rabbit or something. But really, he had probably been thinking emo thoughts. _

"_Are you crazy?"she asked him disbelieving, pausing in her makeup-applying. And that is how serious it seemed, readers. Katniss stopped _applyingher makeup.

"_Did you not hear me? I want to commit suicide! Of course I'm crazy!" he exclaimed._

"_The first step to making yourself less crazy is admitting that you are," Katniss said seriously. She thought she had learned this in one of the few times she had actually listened to her mother. Her mother had been so broken up when her husband had died. She was even more useless than Katniss was._

"_Life sucks." Gale looked at the ground sadly. Katniss walked over to him and patted his back awkwardly._

"_Aw, it's okay, Gale. You'll live." She didn't know what else to say._

"_BUT I HATE MY LIFE!" Gale sounded like he was about to cry. This was _so_ awkward for Katniss and Gale both. He took out his knife and held it to his wrist. He paused before he could cut himself though_

"_Aren't you going to stop me? You're my friend, right?" he asked Katniss._

"_Well, I would help you, but I'm afraid of getting cut by the knife." She looked at the knife and backed away a little. _

_Gale sighed. "What's the point of killing yourself if no one cares?" he asked exasperatedly._

"_Um, actually, I think the reason most people commit suicide is _because_ no one cares about them," she said. She felt so smart after saying that. She wanted to give herself a pat on the back. She actually did. It was actually quite strange to pat herself on the back. Who would've thought?_

End Flashback

Gale hadn't ended up killing himself that day because he wanted people to care about him when he committed suicide. Poor boy. But now everyone knew to keep him away from sharp objects. He was so emo that he had grown his hair out so that he had emo hair. Poor, poor boy.

To tell you the truth, Katniss really only hung out with Gale because she thought he was hot. But shhhhhhh, don't tell him that. Don't tell Peeta that either.

By this time, Gale would have been at the mines, taking the nauseating elevator ride deep into the earth. Katniss had always hated it because she was so claustrophobic and because her father had died there. And another reason why she hated it? She couldn't put makeup on in that kind of horrible lighting. Tsk tsk. She always made herself sick every time her class had to go down there for their annual school field trip. Her mother actually kept her home because she thought Katniss had gotten the flu. Of course, once, it really _was_ the flu. Katniss wasn't faking.

Gale never let Katniss buy food for him and his family because "he's such a stubborn idiot", as Katniss put it. He wouldn't let her put makeup on him either, even when she told him _everyone _in the Capitol was doing it. Sometimes, she wished he would just give in to peer pressure.

She only saw Gale on Sundays now. No, it wasn't because they were both really busy, though that was part of it. It was mostly because she could only listen to Gale's suicidal talk for a certain amount of time each week.

Before the Games, they had used to be able to tell each other anything. Katniss used to tell him all about the new makeup she found and he would be able to tell her about the new ways he thought of to commit suicide. Some of them were actually very creative. Who knew there were so many ways someone kill himself? But after the Games, they couldn't talk about stuff like that anymore. They had both changed in the time the Games had taken place, even though Katniss liked to think she had changed more (because she's just awesome like that), and now, all they talked about was _hunting_. How boring is _that_?

**AN: Probably not very funny, but I promise it will get better later. And I'll write longer chapters too. I'm planning to write 2 chapters of this story for every chapter of the actual book, so that makes about 42 chapters. Oh gosh, that's long. That can change as I go along though. So was this good? Bad? So-so? Please review and tell me! Reviews are much loved. **


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Wow. Another update in the same week. People who read my other stories should know that this is almost unheard of. **

Katniss walked around checking the traps Gale had set up. She went along and picked up the animals that had caught in the traps—eight rabbits, two squirrels, and a beaver. Katniss went along and reset each snare carelessly, not really caring if they were set up right or not. She just wanted to leave the woods. It was giving her the creeps. It was…so scary in there. It was even scarier than her bedroom at night when it was really, really dark and the moon wasn't out. And she didn't even know that was possible.

By the time Katniss made it back to the fence that surrounded District 12, the sun was well up. Katniss forgot to check to see if the fence was charged—but then, she _never_ checked; she was just reckless that way—and just wriggled under it. In the process, her shirt got caught in it. Now Katniss had a dilemma. Would she try to get free of the fence and risk getting her shirt…ripped? She didn't want to mess up her shirt, but she didn't want to stay there forever either. It took an hour for Katniss to decide to just get the heck out of there—you see, Katniss wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Actually, she wasn't a knife _at all_. More of a…spoon. Yes, that was it.

She wriggled through the opening at the bottom of the fence and came up in the Meadow, which was very near her old home. She looked down at her shirt. Now it had a small tear in it. When Katniss saw that little tear, she almost cried. It had been such a pretty shirt. Katniss went to her old home. She still got to keep it because it was the designated dwelling place of her mother and sister. But now they lived happily in the Victor's Village. There was one reason and one reason only why she still went there.

It was the only place where she could hide her teen magazines.

Yes, her teen magazines. She knew everyone would make fun of her if they knew she read them, so she hid them in this old house that nobody ever went in anymore. She sat in the kitchen with one of the magazines in hand. Apparently, neon pink skin was all the rage in the Capitol. She looked at her relatively bland, natural-colored skin and amused herself with thoughts about how she could change it. It all depended on whether her mother actually let her, of course. But no matter. She was a big girl now! She could make her own decisions!

The kitchen had an abandoned feel to it. Nobody had been used for a while. Katniss almost felt nostalgic, but then she thought about her new house in the Victory Village and the feeling went away. Because her new house was freaking awesome! But she almost wished she could go back to a time before the authorities in the Capitol all hated her. And all she did was threaten to eat a berry! Sheesh. You'd think the authorities would have more sense than to get mad over one little berry.

Katniss left the house and set off toward Gale's house. She got there within minutes because nobody stopped her. Everybody was trying to avoid her because they knew that if she saw them, she would begin to talk to them about makeup or something. Gale's mother, Hazelle, saw Katniss through the window and widened her eyes. She muttered something under her breath, and Katniss didn't know what it was. But she was sure Hazelle would be _so happy _to see her. Because Katniss was just awesome like that. Hazelle went to the door and opened it for Katniss.

She took the beaver and felt its weight. "Good job, Katniss. You actually got something," she said in surprise.

"Because I'm just awesome like that!" Katniss replied. "I was thinking that when I get back from the tour, I could take Rory out with me and show him how to put on makeup properly." Katniss looked extremely excited. She honestly thought this was a good idea.

Hazelle widened her eyes and her eyes looked horror-stricken. "But Rory is a boy."

Katniss waved her hand dismissively. "Makeup on guys is _very_ popular in the Capitol. Everyone knows that."

With those parting words, Katniss headed to the Hob, where she could trade food for whatever she wanted. It had become a meeting place for illegal trades years ago.

Even though Katniss hated to admit it, she owed the people who frequent the Hob. Gale had told her that Greasy Sae, the old (very old) woman who served up soup started a collection to sponsor her and Peeta. Even though Katniss was sure that she could have won without any supplies _at all_. Because she was so damn awesome.

Katniss had nothing to trade—because she sure as heck wasn't going to trade the makeup in her bag—but she could feel the weight of the coins in her pocket. Katniss bought three bottles of liquor from a one-armed woman named Ripper.

The liquor was for Haymitch, not for Katniss or her family. Haymitch was drunk most of the time. He acted very strange when he didn't have his alcohol, so Katniss decided to get some for him.

Katniss walked over to Greasy Sae's stall and boosted herself up so that she was sitting on the counter. A Peacekeeper named Darius came up and bought a bowl. He was one of Katniss's favorites.

"Aren't you supposed to be on a train?" he asked Katniss.

"They're collecting me at noon," Katniss answered. "Do you want to see the new lipstick I bought?" she asked excitedly. She reached into her pink bag—which had shiny sequins sewn all over it—and pulled out the new lipstick she had just bought.

"Shouldn't you look…less fancy? You're supposed to be on a train for most of the trip." Katniss was currently wearing a silk shirt and expensive jeans. She was insulted by Darius' comment. This wasn't fancy at all! Heck, this was casual for her.

"This _is_ casual," she said.

"But…" Darius mumbled.

"Look! OMFG, my lipstick looks awesome on me!" Her conversation with Darius forgotten, she looked at herself in the mirror she kept in her purse. She turned this way and that, admiring her own reflection. Darius, scared that she would put lipstick on _him_ next, slipped away, shaking his head. Never in his life had he ever met such a silly little girl.

Greasy Sae yelled after him. "I want my bowl back!" Then, she looked at Katniss. "How did you ever win the Hunger Games?" she asked Katniss, shaking her head disbelievingly.

"Because I'm just awesome like that," Katniss replied with conviction. Then as an afterthought, she added, "I think I blinded everyone with my pure awesomeness."

Greasy Sae looked amused, but since she was used to Katniss' ramblings about how great she was, she didn't press the matter further. "Gale going to see you off?" she asked Katniss.

"No, he wasn't on the list," Katniss said sadly, regretting the fact that she would miss out on seeing his hotness, but definitely not regretting that she wouldn't have to put up with him repeating "I want to kill myself" over and over and over again.

"You'd think he'd have made the list because he's your cousin," Greasy Sae said dryly.

One of the lies Katniss and her family had to tell the reporters was that Gale was her cousin. He was just too good-looking and too male for him to be her best friend. And an emo best friend at that. So she had gone along with the lie.

Greasy Sae knew the truth about Gale, though some people seemed to have forgotten that Katniss and Gale weren't related.

"I just can't wait for the tour to start!" Katniss squealed. In her excitement, she accidentally dropped her tube of lipstick in Greasy Sae's soup. "Oops…" she mumbled.

She ran out of the Hob before she could apologize or Greasy Sae could berate her.

Light snow began to fall as Katniss made her way back to the Victor's Village. It was so shiny when the sun rays hit it. It was so shiny…and sparkly. Katniss liked sparkly things.

The houses used by Katniss's and Peeta's families looked inviting, while Haymitch's house exuded an air of abandonment. Katniss walked in the front door of Haymitch's house.

Katniss' nose immediately wrinkled in disgust. The smell was worse than it had ever been before. Katniss didn't even want to _think_ about what she was smelling. She walked into the kitchen, where she knew she could find Haymitch. And sure enough, he was sitting at the kitchen table, his head in a puddle of liquor and was snoring his head off.

Katniss tapped him on the shoulder while holding her nose with one hand. She didn't want to smell that unbearable stench. She was sure that smelling that would eventually make her less pretty. And Katniss loathed even the mere mention of her being _ugly_.

"Get up," she said loudly. The words sounded weird because she wasn't breathing through her nose. Haymitch didn't stir.

Now Katniss was desperate. She wished Haymitch would get the heck up already so she could get out of this house. She poured ice cold water into a basin and dumped the water on his head. He suddenly woke up and jumped out of his chair. What he did next didn't shock Katniss one bit…

He suddenly burst into song. "When you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell," he sang, making his own bad version of the song.

Katniss sighed. Whenever Haymitch was drunk, he would always randomly burst into song. It was annoying, and Haymitch couldn't sing to save his life. But Katniss certainly wasn't going to tell him that for fear that he would start singing _more_ just to annoy her.

"Seeing your face already gives me hell, Haymitch," Katniss said disgustedly. She waved a hand in front of her nose, hoping that would make the smell go away. Then she walked over to a window and opened it, letting in the fresh air. Ah, sweet bliss.

"Pain, without love; Pain, can't get enough; Pain, I like it rough; 'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all," Haymitch sang in an off-key voice. Katniss didn't recognize the song. It sounded too emo for her liking. In fact, it sounded remarkably like something Gale would listen to.

Suddenly, Peeta burst into the room. "Katniss, I wrote you a poem. Oh, and I brought you some bread!" he yelled excitedly, jumping up and down with joy. "Would you like to hear my poem?" he asked Katniss in anticipation.

He took her silence as a "yes". "Roses are red; Violets are blue; Flowers are pretty; But I love you," he said triumphantly, very proud of his little poem indeed. He looked at Katniss, awaiting her reaction.

"Awww, that's so cute!" Katniss squealed.

"I'm glad you like it, milady." Peeta bowed and offered her some of the bread he had made. Katniss looked at it, then shook her head.

"Ew, it'll make me fat," she whined.

Peeta stared at the floor dejectedly. "Will you eat it if I write you another poem?" he asked hopefully.

Katniss thought about it for a moment. "Okay," she said brightly.

Peeta ran out of the house, in search of some pen and paper so he could showcase his own supreme genius through a poem.

"They say that teenagers scare the living shit out of me," Haymitch sang. Katniss shook her head in mock pity once, then walked out the door and went into her own house. Katniss was barely inside when her mother held her arm, as if to stop her.

"Did you have a nice walk, Katniss?" she asked. Then, Katniss saw the man standing behind her mom in the doorway. He was wearing a tailored suit and had surgically enhanced features. She could tell he was from the Capitol immediately. Katniss was excited. Had he come here to tell her how awesome she was?

"Someone's here to see you," Katniss' mother said nervously.

Suddenly, Katniss' sister, Prim ran up to them. "Did you know that most of the dust under your bed is dead skin?" she asked with wide eyes.

Their mother sighed. "Prim, we're busy."

"Every awkward silence, a gay baby is born!" she informed them. There was another awkward silence. Well, another gay baby was born.

Then the man from the Capitol broke the silence for them. "This way please, Ms. Everdeen," he said gesturing down a hallway.

"They're probably just here to tell me how everyone at the Capitol loves me," she told her mother happily. But as she walked down the hallway, a deep sense of foreboding hit her. She stopped in front of the door of the study. After a moment of hesitation, she opened the door.

And then she found herself staring into the snakelike eyes of President Snow.

**AN: Well, that was pretty random. The songs used are Gives You Hell by the All-American Rejects, Pain by Three Days Grace (awesome band), and Teenagers by My Chemical Romance. Any ideas on how the other characters should act? I always look through my reviews for ideas before I write. If anybody can think of any other random facts Prim can tell, that would be greatly appreciated because I don't know that many random facts that nobody cares about. Prim being a weird kid who gives people random facts was an idea given to me by StarkLuverAllTheWay, so thanks. **

**Review?**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hey, people! This is going to be a pretty short chapter because I have finals to study for and stuff. **

Katniss thought it was strange to see the president here. She had never officially met him before. And in all honesty, she didn't really want to see him. What he was wearing was _so_ ugly. And he smelled almost like…blood. Katniss pushed the thought away almost as soon as it entered her mind. Of _course_ he couldn't smell like _blood_. The mere thought was laughable.

Katniss had no clue what he could be doing here. Well, it must have been important because he had traveled all the way from his city to see her. Maybe…he was here to give her a reward for being so awesome, yes, that must have been it. She hadn't done anything _wrong_ lately, except maybe completely and totally defy the Capitol and undermine President Snow's authority.

But Katniss believed that wasn't going to make them mad _at all. _

Katniss had just wanted to stay alive. And so maybe, _just maybe, _she felt some kind of attraction to Peeta too.

But no, she had never meant to make it look like she was rebelling against the Capitol, even though she knew some people thought that. She didn't _want_ to go against the Capitol—without it, where would the fashion world be? The only people who really cared about fashion anymore lived in the Capitol. Katniss thought that fashion should be a top priority for everyone. It was _such_ an important part of their lives.

Katniss stood frozen, not really knowing how to react to seeing President Snow in her house. Should she say hi and offer him some cookies? Or should she get her ass out of there?

Katniss' brain decided that day would be one of the days when it would work even more slowly than usual—if that was possible—so she couldn't decide.

But of course, President Snow decided to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Off with your head!" President Snow yelled suddenly, pointing a fat finger at Katniss' head. The exclamation was so sudden that Katniss just stood there in shock. It seemed like that was getting to be a permanent position for her.

Katniss fingered her hair tentatively. "But if my head was cut off, I would be _ugly_." Katniss shuddered at the thought.

"I don't care! Now tell me the truth or you die!" President Snow's face was red with anger, but since he was a bit…on the chubby and short side, he looked more like a child having a temper tantrum than anything. Katniss bit the inside of her cheek, refraining from telling President Snow about the uncanny resemblance. If she did that, it would definitely be "off with her head". Actually, Katniss didn't even know that it was still a legal punishment. But she guessed it was more legal than…taking all of her makeup away. Now _that_ would be bad.

"Stop being so difficult!" he yelled at Katniss, shaking a finger at her childishly. Katniss had to keep herself from laughing. There was a freaking grown man in her study acting like a 3-year-old.

"But I haven't even said anything yet," Katniss said through her—hopefully silent—giggles.

"Stop talking or I'll personally chop your head off!" President Snow threatened. The thought of this childish man doing something like _chopping her head off_ almost made Katniss burst into hysterics. President Snow seemed to notice because he glared at her and pouted. "Anyone who went to such lengths to stay alive shouldn't want to throw it away. And you have your family to think of too. And all those…cousins." The way the president said this made Katniss shiver. His tone suggested that he thought there was something going on between Gale and Katniss. Katniss frowned. As hot as Gale was, he was so _emo_. There were so many hotter guys out there. Like Edward Cullen. Yes, Edward Cullen would definitely be a better boyfriend than poor, suicidal Gale.

"Whatever," Katniss said, waving her hand dismissively. It seemed that she didn't take this very seriously. But then, she never took _anything_—with the obvious exception of fashion and other girly things—seriously.

"We have a problem, Ms. Everdeen," President Snow said through gritted teeth. Now he just looked like a little kid who was trying to act like an adult. The whole thing was quite amusing. "And it began when you pulled those berries out in the arena."

Katniss paid no attention to what he was saying and took some nail polish out of her purse. She began painting her nails hot pink. She thought that was a very good color on her, indeed.

"And now the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane has gotten his head chopped off! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" President Snow rubbed his hands together evilly. Now he just seemed like a child dressing up as a mad scientist. He didn't notice the fact that Katniss wasn't paying the least bit of attention to him. Instead, she was fully concentrating in making her nails look absolute _perfect_. Which was a very hard task.

"After that, I had no choice but to let you act out your little lovesick, idiotic teenage girl scheme. Though the idiotic part wasn't too hard, was it?" President Snow looked at Katniss condescendingly, but she showed no sign of having heard him at all. Instead, she was humming a song under her breath. President Snow just went on talking about stuff that Katniss didn't care about. If he wasn't the president, he would definitely be voted "Most Boring Person of the Year".

"Of course, a naïve girl like you wouldn't know this," President Snow continued on. "In many of the other stupid districts," President Snow paused to puff out his chest a little so that he could look more confident (something that was failing epically), "the people viewed it as an act of defiance. Now there might even be an uprising." President Snow paused as he contemplated this fact. "Well, actually, that might be a good thing because then I can chop more people's heads off."

Now Katniss was actually paying attention. After all, an uprising might mean less people caring about stuff like fashion. And that would mean…total chaos. "There have been uprisings?" Katniss asked hesitantly, almost afraid to find out the answer.

"Not yet. Our entire government could collapse. This could mean a full on rebellion! But on the bright side, more people will die," he said brightly.

Katniss just looked at him, not knowing what to say. "This is bad, right?" she asked, not knowing anything about war or government.

"Yes, you silly little girl. This is bad," President Snow sighed.

"Oh," Katniss said. Then she resumed painting her nails.

**AN: Not very funny, but whatever. I don't agree with Katniss' opinion on Edward Cullen. In fact, I think Mr. Sparkles is a gay pedophile. Sorry, Twilighters. Please review. Reviews motivate me to update faster! **


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Wow thanks. 32 reviews. I love you people! In a non-creepy way… Here's the latest installment of Drenched in Water: A Catching Fire Parody. Enjoy!**

Someone knocked on the door. The man from the Capitol poked his head into the room. Katniss glanced up briefly but then looked back down at her nails again, disinterested. "Her mother wants to know if you want tea," he told President Snow.

Katniss thought that the president would start yelling "Off with your head!" but he stayed strangely silent. After about a minute, he said, "I would. I would like tea." He said this in a weirdly calm voice, completely different from the way he had been talking to Katniss earlier. Katniss thought that maybe he was bipolar.

The door opened wider to reveal her mom standing in the hallway. She was holding a tray with their new china tea set on it. Katniss' mom had brought one to the Seam when she got married, but Katniss had broken that one in one of her temper tantrums. She had thrown a fit when she had realized that someone had used her hair curler. You see, Katniss was very protective of her stuff.

Behind her mom stood Prim. Katniss groaned when she saw her little sister. Prim looked President Snow straight in the eye. "Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music," she said. Then she ran out of the room. President Snow looked quite taken aback. He mumbled something about crazy kids under his breath.

Then he looked at Katniss' mom and the tray in her hand. "You can set it here," he said, gesturing to the desk. "What a welcome sight. Now I might not have to chop your head off," the president said. He smiled a strange, forced smile that revealed his too-bright large teeth. Were large teeth popular in the Capitol now?

Katniss' mother raised her eyebrows at President Snow's smile. "Can I get you anything else?" she said hesitantly. It looked like she just wanted to get the heck out of there.

The president narrowed his eyes. "No, now go away. Don't make me mad or it's _off with your head_," he threatened. Katniss' mom suppressed her laughter at the president who looked like a child and shot Katniss a glance. Katniss didn't notice because she was otherwise preoccupied.

President Snow poured tea for himself and didn't offer Katniss any. Not that she cared. She was in the process of putting white polka dots on her pink nails. President Snow looked at Katniss expectantly, waiting for her to speak. As usual, she didn't notice a thing. Finally, after 30 minutes of waiting, President Snow cleared his throat. Katniss finally looked up, extremely miffed that she had to stop painting her nails.

"I didn't mean to start any uprisings," she told President Snow dismissively. She obviously hadn't realized how serious this situation really was.

"Well, off with your head anyway!" President Snow pointed an accusing finger at Katniss, but she just rolled her eyes.

"You keep making threats but you never follow through," she said, bored.

"I can't kill you publicly. That will only make the public even madder than they already are." President Snow was slightly amused at Katniss not knowing a thing about anything important.

Katniss sighed but still looked unaffected. The president glared at her. "Okay. Let me put it this way. If you don't comply, I get to chop your head off," he threatened.

Now, Katniss didn't want her head to be chopped off for fear that she would look ugly headless. "Okay, just tell me what to do," she said, finally looking up from her nails. But maybe she was finally paying attention because her nails were done, not because she was afraid for the state of her head.

President Snow childishly ignored her question like she had ignored him. He wanted to stick his tongue out at her but feared that would be a tad bit too strange. "Did your mother make these cookies?" he asked, picking one up.

"Ehmagawd, no. Peeta did!" Katniss exclaimed.

"How _is_ Peeta?" President Snow asked. Katniss thought this was kind of odd. President Snow had never cared for Peeta before. He had never cared about the state of his health. So why should he start caring now? And the president hadn't asked her how _she_ was, even though she was clearly much, much awesomer than Peeta.

"Good," she said.

"When did he realize that you didn't love him?" President Snow asked.

Katniss gasped. Someone had guessed? It wasn't like she didn't like Peeta. Because she did, a lot. And his poems were pure genius. But all he did was _bake_. Katniss wanted someone more _exciting. _By exciting, she didn't necessarily mean emo Gale, but he _was_ comparatively more exciting than Peeta.

"But I do love him," Katniss said. She tried to sound convincing, but was a horrible actress. Her voice rose up in the end, making the statement sound like a question.

"Off with your head!" President Snow proclaimed yet again. His face was red with anger. After a few deep breaths, he managed to calm himself down. "How's the suicidal cousin?" he asked Katniss.

Katniss widened her eyes, which let the president know for sure that he was right. The president wondered why he had ever doubted that he had been right. He was _always_ right.

"You're not doing him a favor by going into the woods with him each Sunday." By his tone of voice, Katniss could tell that he had his suspicions on what went on in those woods. Or maybe he already knew. But she and Gale had never acted like two people in love before. Unless President Snow had found out about that one time.

But that had just been _one time_.

After she and Peeta had gotten home from the Games, she couldn't see Gale for weeks. There were so many things to do. So many celebrations…Parcel Day…so much makeup to be experimented with. Katniss had no privacy at all. The reporters would always come flocking to her door, interviewing her about her time in the Games. And then she would scare them away with her incessant talk about makeup and clothing. But then the reporters went home. She and Peeta stopped kissing each other every chance they got. Katniss and her family settled into their new house in the Victor's Village. Everything returned to normal.

Then one Sunday, without telling anyone, Katniss slipped into the woods to see Gale.

She put on casual clothing. Meaning the clothes were _slightly_ less expensive than what she usually wore, but still extremely expensive. She was _so _happy she could afford this stuff now. She went to their place, her and Gale's. It was the place where they had breakfast so long ago on the morning of that reaping day that had started this whole mess.

She waited there for two hours. Gale hadn't shown up. Maybe he _wouldn't_ show up. Katniss almost cried. She couldn't stand the thought of Gale never speaking to her again. Who _else_ could put up with her constant ranting about hair and makeup? Granted, he only put up with it because he knew she would just talk more about it if he didn't, but _still._

Then she looked up and there he was, standing about 10 feet away. Katniss stood up and hugged him tightly before he could protest. Gale pushed her away immediately. He wasn't someone who enjoyed hugs.

That day, they did what they usually did. Gale took his notebook out and began writing emo poetry. Katniss applied even _more_ makeup to her face. Katniss glanced at his notebook and read the first line of his poem. _There will be no more blue skies_. Katniss stopped reading after that line. There was no need to get overly depressed. It had been this way before Katniss had left because of the Games. After a while, they began talking. Gale talked about how much he wanted to commit suicide and Katniss educated Gale in different fashion styles. They began walking back. By the time they were back at the hole in the fence, Katniss almost believed that things could be the same.

But then, totally and completely unexpectedly, Gale took her face in his hands and kissed her.

Katniss was totally caught off guard. Her only thought was: _What if his lips mess up my lipstick?_ Oh, she was also thinking about how nice Gale's lips felt against hers, but that thought was overpowered by the fear that her lipstick would get smudged. After a seemingly infinite yet short amount of time, Gale removed his lips from hers.

"I had to do that. At least once," he said. And then he was gone.

Katniss, still in shock, sat down with her back against a tree next to the fence. She didn't even care that the muddy ground would get her clothes dirty—that was how shocked she was. She tried to decide how she felt about the kiss, but all she could think about was the feeling of Gale's lips against her own. She was still disoriented and couldn't think straight. She even tried to compare it to the countless kisses she had shared with Peeta. But that didn't work. She had yet to decide whether those counted or not.

She wasn't able to see Gale again until Sunday. She had a whole speech planned out about how she wasn't ready for a boyfriend. She was going to tell him that even though he was hot, she didn't want an emo boyfriend. But it turned out she didn't have to say that speech. Gale just acted like the kiss never happened. Maybe he was waiting for Katniss to show her reaction to the kiss. But she acted like it had never happened too. It was just easier that way.

All of these thoughts ran through Katniss' head as she looked at President Snow. It took her a while to process these thoughts because Katniss was a spoon. She was mad at the Capitol now. Why couldn't they just leave her alone?

"Can you just like, not hurt Gale? Because I think he's going to commit suicide anyway," Katniss told President Snow. Before President Snow could interrupt, she said, "I'll act like I'm in love with Peeta in public." She looked at him pleadingly. Because as much as she hated to admit it, she _did_ care about Gale. Okay, so maybe she only cared about him a _tiny _bit, but it was still better than nothing.

"Off with your head!" he yelled suddenly. It was random, but he had an irrepressible impulse to say that. And his mother had told him to never hold anything in. Katniss looked slightly confused. Maybe this man was slightly deranged? "Anyway, this tour will be your only chance to fix things," he said, suddenly calm again.

Katniss nodded. "Convince _me_," the President said menacingly, but he only managed to sound as scary as Nemo. "By the way, I know about the kiss," he said.

The he walked out of the room and shut the door behind him with a click.

**AN: Approximately 38 more chapters to go. The random fact used in this chapter was given to me by Oh. Glory-Genius.**

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	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hi! School's out, so I'm going to try to update this twice every week. That might not happen though because I'm trying to finish some of my Maximum Ride stories.**

_Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew_, Katniss thought. The smell of blood was on his breath. Did he drink it? And Katniss had caught another scent on his breath too. The smell of…cookies. Now that was more normal. In fact, it made Katniss crave cookies. She sincerely hoped Prim hadn't eaten all the cookies they had already. But knowing how much sugar Prim consumed everyday, she probably had.

Katniss heard a car engine start outside. The sound gradually got softer and softer, like the car was being driven away.

The world was spinning around her. President Snow had eaten all the cookies Katniss' mom had brought in. That pig. Katniss wasn't very surprised. If he really _did_ chop off everyone's head like he threatened to do, he had to eat something that would give him enough energy to let him do that.

She still couldn't believe that she had to convince everyone that she was deeply in love with Peeta or here would be an uprising. And uprising meant…total chaos. It meant no more fashion. Katniss gasped when she realized that.

And if she couldn't convince everyone that she was in love with Peeta, Gale would die. It was that simple. Even though Gale already wanted to commit suicide, Katniss knew that he wanted to kill himself, not have some other person kill him. He was _so_ picky.

Katniss knew she couldn't do it. She was never much of an actor. Peeta was the one who could convince people of anything once he set his mind to it.

Katniss heard her mother walking toward the study and made a quick decision. She couldn't know about this. Because if she knew about it, she might tell Katniss to stop worrying about clothes and makeup and start worrying about preventing an uprising. And Katniss wouldn't be able to stand that. Katniss' mom opened the door and peered inside the room, where Katniss still stood staring out the window.

"Is everything okay?" she asked. Katniss smiled brightly, which wasn't too hard. She _loved_ smiling.

"Everything's okey-dokey, Mom!" Katniss said.

Katniss' mom visibly relaxed. "Good, Katniss," she said. "Should I start your bath for you?" she asked.

Since Katniss had been home, she had been asking her mom to do more things for her. Because she won the Hunger Games, she thought she deserved extra-special treatment. She was just awesome like that. Katniss decided to forgive her mother for the crushing depression she had fell into after Katniss' father's dead. After all, after her father died, Katniss didn't do anything to help the family either. She just got food from emo Gale. Katniss giggled when she thought that. "Emo Gale" should be Gale's official new name. She always called him emo anyway.

Katniss went upstairs to her bathroom. The tub was already filled. Her mother had prepared it for her, and Katniss was grateful for the fact that all she had to do now was sink into the bath and think about how life sucked. Crap, se was beginning to sound like Gale. Katniss undressed and lowered herself into the steaming water.

Katniss thought about who to tell about this new development. She couldn't tell Peeta, obviously. He would probably just recite some poetry he had written. She couldn't tell Gale either. He would just cut himself, oblivious to her problems. Maybe she could convince him to run away. But no, he would just complain about how life sucked the whole time. And possibly even write another emo poem.

She could tell Cinna, her stylist. But she guessed that Cinna was already in a whole heckload of trouble and didn't want to cause him any more. And so that left Haymich. Drunken, cranky Haymitch who couldn't sing at all. Katniss made a mental note to talk to Haymitch when he was sober—if she tried to talk to him when he was drunk, he would undoubtedly just interrupt her every few minutes by bursting into song. And because Gale had started to show Haymitch what Katniss had dubbed "emo music", she definitely did _not_ want to hear Haymitch singing.

She sank into the water in the tub and reminisced about the good old days, when her father was still alive. On good days, he had taken her to the woods to swim in a lake that he had found one day while hunting. Katniss would just relax in the water while she watched her father work his butt off bagging the waterfowl that were always near the shore and digging for katniss roots. Then, when they came home, Katniss' mom would cook up an amazing dinner of roasted duck and baked katniss tubers with gravy. A dinner that Katniss had made no contribution to whatsoever.

Katniss had never taken Gale to the lake. It seemed like a secret place somehow. It was just for her and her father, no one else. Visits there made Katniss feel depressed. But then she would just visit Gale, who was even _more_ depressed than she was and she would cheer up considerably.

Katniss could hear the sounds of cars and people approaching her house. She just had time to towel off and pulled on a robe before a group of people burst into her bathroom. It was her prep team.

"Katniss, your eyebrows!" Venia shrieked right away. Katniss touched her eyebrows self-consciously. What was wrong with her eyebrows? She thought she had plucked them to perfection! Oh no, what if her eyebrows looked…ugly. She could barely think the thought. Oh, the horror!

"They look absolutely perfect!" Venia said. Katniss breathed out a sigh of relief. She didn't look ugly after all. Octavia came up to Katniss and examined her nails. Apparently, they passed her inspection because she gave Katniss a pat on the back of approval. Katniss beamed. Oh Em Gee! She had been waiting for this moment for _ages_. She had tried to stay prettyful in her time away from the Capitol. And now they were going to dress her up!

This was going to be so much fun! Maybe they would let her wear _lots and lots of _pink. Then she could go visit Emo Gale (that was what she decided to call Gale from then on), who always wore black, and annoy him. He hated pink. He said it was too happy. Katniss saw nothing wrong with being happy. In fact, she was generally happy.

Especially when she thought about clothes and makeup.

Flavius looked at Katniss' hair and said, "Did anyone touch your hair?"

Katniss shook her head no. They had specifically told her not to let anyone cut her hair. Once she had seen a totally cute haircut and wanted it, but she had refrained from getting it, knowing that her prep team would kill her if she did.

Her prep team pulled her onto a chair in her bedroom and started, well…prepping her. The started talking nonstop about things that were going on in the Capitol. Katniss listened, but soon got bored. Most of their conversation was about the latest fashion trends, but some of it was actually about _politics_. This was incredibly shocking. Granted, they were only talking about what the politicians were _wearing_, but it was still boring to Katniss. She began almost dozing off.

Because she was just awesome like that.

**AN: I'm sorry. That wasn't very funny. That's what I get for listening to Evanescence when writing something that's supposed to be funny. **

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	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Hi! I have nothing to say here, so read on. **

"Don't you feel _so_ lucky, Katniss?" Venia shrieked in Katniss' ear, waking her up from her semi-snooze. And in truth, Katniss, _did_ feel lucky. This year would be the 75th Hunger Games, a Quarter Quell. She would be mentoring the tributes form District 12. She would get so much more attention. Katniss eyes glazed over, dreaming about all the makeup and clothing she would receive. There were always over-the-top celebrations. Katniss had never been to a Quarter Quell celebration—she was after all only 16, but she had heard from her mother that they were nice celebrations. Her mother had also said that they were cruel because they celebrated the deaths of 23 tributes, but Katniss had chosen to be temporarily deaf when her mother said that.

She remembered that in school, her teachers had told her that for the second Quarter Quell, twice the number of tributes was demanded from the districts. Strangely, that was the year Haymitch won. What did he do? Scare everyone off with his singing abilities? Haymitch had never told Katniss and Peeta his experiences in the Games, and Katniss was so self-centered that she had never asked. Also, she was a spoon. And spoons weren't very smart.

Soon, Katniss was "fixed", as the prep team put it. Katniss was disappointed because they had only been given instructions to prepare her hands and face because everything else would be covered in the cold weather. Katniss wished it was summer now. Why couldn't she have everything go her way? She was _that _awesome, after all.

Katniss' mom came in the room with a confused expression on her face. "Katniss, Peeta is here to see you," she said. She was wondering why Peeta wanted to see her daughter _now_.

Katniss brightened. "Oh, he must have finished his poem!" she said happily. Katniss' mom looked at Katniss like she was crazy—which she very well might be. What poem?

"Should I bring him in?" she asked.

Katnis nodded vigorously. Her mother stepped out of the room and came back in a few minutes later, with not one, but two boys walking behind her. "Gale was waiting there too," she explained. She left the room, leaving the boys in there, shaking her head at her daughter's foolishness. How did she expect to have two boyfriends?

Gale was glaring at Peeta, but Peeta seemed unaffected. He was holding a rose and a flower in his hands. Gale wasn't holding anything. Katniss had already forgotten that she had recently renamed him Emo Gale. Because she was just inconsistent like that. She briefly wondered what her emo best friend was doing there. There was something...different about Gale, but she couldn't quite place her hand on it. Was it his clothing? No, he was wearing his usual black clothing and skinny jeans. She personally thought guys shouldn't wear skinny jeans, but that was just her opinion. Gale never listened to her anyway.

And then she realized what was different about him.

"Gale, are you wearing _eyeliner_?" she asked in disbelief. Sure, guys from the Capitol wore makeup all the time, but guys in District 12 rarely did. _Some_body was being very emo. Katniss actually found it strangely attractive. She loved makeup after all. She gave Gale a closer inspection. Yep, he was definitely wearing black eyeliner.

"Yeah," Gale said proudly. Katniss was proud of him too. It was time guys in District 12 embraced makeup! Even though Gale only wore the makeup because he was emo…

Peeta noticed how happy she was because Gale was wearing makeup. Katniss didn't seem to care that he had a poem ready for her. Peeta only wanted to make Katniss happy. At that moment, he was tempted to go cry in his emo corner. But since he wasn't emo and was _not Gale_, he refrained from doing so. He just pouted.

"Katniss, why do you like Gale wearing makeup so much?" he asked Katniss.

"Because makeup is the bestest," she replied as if the answer was obvious. And to her, the answer _was_ obvious.

"So if I wore makeup, would you love me?" he asked hopefully.

Katniss contemplated this for a moment. "No, makeup on you would make you look gay," she said, shaking her head.

"And Gale doesn't look gay?" he asked defiantly. Actually, this was very strange for Peeta. He usually never argued with people. But eyeliner was a sore subject for him.

Flashback (2 years ago)

_Peeta wanted to act emo that day. Why? Nobody would ever know. He was a _baker's _son. There was no need for him to be depressed and emo. His mother said that he was just going through the rebellious teenager phase and that he would eventually get over it. _

_So Peeta decided to put on black eyeliner just to see what would happen. When he got to school, everyone looked at him funny. In the back of Peeta's mind, he was wondering why everyone was looking at him like that. Had he accidentally come to school naked? He checked to make sure. Nope, he was fully dressed. _

_Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder. Peeta turned around to see a guy who looked about his age. The boy looked nervous._

"_Do you want to go out with me?" he asked Peeta. That was when Peeta realized that the eyeliner had made everyone think he was gay. Which he _wasn't_. Gosh, he snuck into Katniss' bedroom to watch her sleep every night. Katniss was a _girl_. He liked girls, not guys. Peeta proceeded to run into the bathroom and wash the eyeliner off his face. He swore never to wear eyeliner again…_

End Flashback

Katniss shook her head, pitying Peeta's foolishness. "No, he doesn't look gay because he's emo. Emo people like wearing eyeliner," she explained.

"I want to cut myself!" Gale proclaimed dramatically. "To be or not to be, that is the question," he quoted from Hamlet.

Peeta looked at Gale with raised eyebrows. "Is he on drugs?"

"You know what? I think he is," Katniss said. After a moment of silence, she said, "The eyeliner still looks hot on him."

"Oh, look, a butterfly!" Gale exclaimed, pointing out the window. "Butterflies make me _not_ want to commit suicide!" He giggled, which sounded very strange coming from a supposedly depressed person indeed.

"So Gale, what are you doing here?" Katniss asked. In all honesty, she just wanted him out of there. He was getting on her nerves.

Gale started crying. "There are so many colors!" he looked around the room frantically; the colors were making him panic. So many colors. So many _happy_ colors. Gale wanted to throw up.

"What are you on?" Peeta asked him. Gale clutched his head, like he was having a debilitating headache. Then he ran out of Katniss' bedroom to get away from all the colors. Such scary colors… Gale shuddered just thinking about them. There was red, orange, and…pink. That horrible, horrible color.

Suddenly, Prim ran into the room. Katniss sighed. "What do you want, Prim?" she asked her little sister.

"Did you know that pigeons are the only birds that can drink without lifting their heads?" she asked them. Then she ran out of the room.

"Your sister is weird," Peeta said to Katniss after Prim left.

"Wow…you're more of a spoon than I am!" she said to Peeta.

Peeta decided to dismiss her strange comment and held the piece of paper in front of him so that he could read it. "I wrote you a poem."

Katniss nodded, signaling Peeta to continue.

Peeta cleared his throat a few times, as if preparing for a huge speech.

"You look really good

Gosh, I want food

We belong together

I want my jacket of leather

I am not gay

You look very nice today."

Peeta looked at Katniss expectantly after reading his poem. "So, what do you think?" he asked her hopefully. Her response was to hug him. And smile brightly.

Katniss brushed a tear form her eye—she had been so moved by the poem that she had started crying. "That was great, Peeta."

Peeta smiled like the Cheshire Cat. "Good! I have more."

Katniss frowned. Cinna was supposed to be here soon. She had to get Peeta out of here. "Bye, Peeta!" She pushed him out of her bedroom and walked him to the front door. There, she proceeded to push him out into the freezing weather.

She walked into the living room, where she found Cinna. He was wearing a pink shirt that said "Team Edward" on it. He was gay, but Katniss didn't mind. It was the gay guys who were really good with clothes and fashion. Everyone knew that.

He had started to call her a few weeks before to work on her talent. She had realized that she wanted to design clothes. Well, she certainly liked it, but her designs were…less than perfect. She basically just put a bunch of pink material and bright colors together.

"Hi, Cinna!" Katniss said.

"Designing these clothes for you took forevah. Get dressed," he commanded. He threw some clothes at her. She put on a comfortable white shirt, a sweater, and comfortable shoes.

Her mom came up to her, holding something in her hand. It was the mockingjay pin that Madge had given Katniss before she had gone off to the Games. It was a mockingjay flying in a circle of gold. Cinna fixed it on the knot in the scarf.

Effie Trinket suddenly came over to Katniss and slapped her. Yes, that was one of Effie's quirks. She loved to randomly slap people. Effie wasn't mad at Katniss; she just liked slapping people. Katniss had gotten used to that.

"You're supposed to greet Peeta now," Effie informed Katniss. Then she pushed Katniss out the door. At first, she couldn't see anything because of the snow. But then, she saw Peeta coming out of his front door. She ran over and kissed him. She was a great actress, if she could say so herself. Peeta was a good kisser, but that didn't change the fact that he was as boring as hell. Was hell boring?

The rest of the day was incredibly hectic. Katniss said goodbye to everyone and got on the train. They ate a dinner of something Katniss didn't remember, mostly because it wasn't pink. Why couldn't there be completely pink dinners?

Afterward, Katniss sat in her pajamas in her lush train compartment. When the train got quiet, she went to Haymitch's compartment. She knocked on his door. Finally, he opened it, scowling. Luckily, he was sober, so she didn't have to worry about him suddenly starting to sing about pain or sweet sacrifices.

"What do you want?" he asked, glaring at Katniss. She had interrupted his beauty sleep. Suddenly, the train stopped moving. They were stopping for fuel.

"I need to talk to you," Katniss said loudly, not realizing that other people could hear. After all, she was just a spoon. Haymitch rolled his eyes at her stupidity, though he wasn't very surprised by it anymore. He walked her out of the train and nobody noticed. He took her a good distance away from the train so that they wouldn't be overheard.

"What did you want to tell me?" he inquired.

And Katniss told him everything. About the president's visit, about Gale, and how he would die if she failed. "I just need you to help me through this trip," she said desperately. Gale would kill her if someone killed him before he killed himself because of her. That last sentence probably made no sense, but Katniss was _scared._

Haymitch shook his head sadly. "No, Katniss. It's not just this trip."

And then the full force of what was happening hit Katniss, and hit her hard. The reporters would never truly leave them alone. "I'll have to marry Peeta," she whispered.

Haymitch nodded somberly. "If it helps you feel any better, I can sing a song for you," he said.

**AN: Thank you to princessofunique for the random fact. ****Keep in mind that I have nothing against homosexuality. People have been telling me to make Cinna gay. I'm not Team Edward. I don't even like Twilight. :P Probably not my funniest chapter, but I like Gale in here. **

**Review?**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I write really crappy poems for this fic, huh? But I guess that's kinda the point.**

Katniss and Haymitch walked back to the train in silence, as Katniss had declined Haymitch's offer to sing a song for her. Katniss was so worried that Haymitch's singing would probably make her throw up. But then, his singing usually made her want to throw up, so that wasn't a surprise. Katniss entertained herself with thoughts of throwing up all over Haymitch. As amusing as that would be, she decided not to. For one thing, it would make her breath stink.

"You could do a lot worse than Peeta," Haymitch said as they walked back to the train. Katniss nodded silently. She was too worried to even think about makeup or clothes. And that meant she was pretty darn worried.

When Katniss got back to her room, she took her wet clothes off. She definitely didn't want to get sick. That would just _ruin _her public appearances. Nobody wanted a victor who was coughing and sneezing all the time.

Plus, it would totally ruin her makeup.

Katniss crawled into bed in just her underclothes. She thought about what Haymitch had said. Of course she could do worse than Peeta. She could be forced to marry a…hobo for example. Or Haymitch. Katniss shuddered at the thought. Yes, she could do much, much worse. But if she married Peeta, she would have to spend less time with Gale. Katniss never thought Gale would be this important to her, but now, knowing that she would soon not be able to spend time with him, she suddenly missed him. She would miss his emo poetry. His threats to commit suicide that he never acted on because he was such a wimp. His black eyeliner. But most of all, she would miss his emo hair. _Well, you never know what you have until it's gone_, she thought. Katniss widened her eyes in surprise. Had she just thought something that sounded fairly _smart_ and didn't have anything to do with fashion? Katniss shuddered for the second time that night. She was ashamed of herself.

Katniss tried to think of a way out of having to marry Peeta. This took her a while because she was a spoon—even though she hated to admit it. She thought it was because her mom had dropped her when she was a baby. She had hit her head on the floor hard. Maybe her whole life, her whole personality would've been different if that hadn't happened.

Peeta's poetry was cute, but even she thought she would get tired of it after a while. She didn't want to get married to anyone yet. Not Gale and not Peeta! They weren't her type (meaning they weren't obsessed with makeup and fashion).

Could she just run away from it all?

Katniss sighed. Running away meant she wouldn't have easy access to makeup. So she dismissed the idea immediately. Katniss shook her head to clear it of all thoughts concerning her plans. The Victory Tour was no time to think about this. She had to look good and put on a good show. Her life depended on it.

Dawn came all too soon, and before Katniss knew it, Effie was knocking on the door, yelling at her to wake up. Because Katniss was not in the mood to get slapped by Effie, she listened. Effie told her to hurry, so it only took 1 hour for Katniss to get dressed, instead of the usual 4 hours. Katniss was sure she looked horrible.

Katniss walked to the dining car. Effie slapped her as a greeting. Katniss had been half-asleep, but that slap certainly woke her up. Effie smiled brightly. "Hurry up and eat. We're arriving in District 11 soon!" she said brightly. Katniss saw Haymitch and Peeta at the table too. Looking at their wide-awake faces, she realized that they had also gotten slapped by Effie. Katniss didn't know whether to feel happy because she wasn't the only one slapped or unhappy because she wasn't special—Effie had slapped everyone, not just her.

District 11 was their first stop. This was Rue's home, and Katniss was glad that this was the first stop on the tour. She was sure her family would thank Katniss for taking care of their daughter! Even though in the end, she had died anyway… Katniss tried to keep the memory of that little incident out of her mind. It was just an accident! It wasn't her fault she was too busy putting on makeup for the cameras to pay attention to who was trying to attack Rue.

Katniss sat down at the table and ate the food. The whole meal was spent in silence, though Katniss was itching to start the day with a stimulating conversation about which color lipstick worked best on her. She somehow had a feeling that Peeta and Haymitch wouldn't appreciate that. But that feeling must have been wrong, because who _didn't_ like to talk about makeup all the time?

Her prep team spent all of the morning prepping her while she talked to them about different fashion trends and herself. Her prep team didn't talk too much, and it was only Katniss' constant chatter that kept the room from going into total silence. In fact, her prep team seemed quite annoyed with her. What was wrong with talking about herself all the time? That didn't mean she was _self-centered. _It just meant she simply had a lot of self-esteem. And surely that was a good thing.

Flavius tilted her chin and sighed. "Too bad Cinna said no alterations on you."

Octavia nodded. "We could make you into something special."

Katniss pouted. "Are you saying I'm not special _now_?" she looked on the verge of tears. She had always prided herself in the fact that she was special. Because she awesome, that's why.

"No, Katniss, you're pretty special now," Venia said quickly. Cinna had told them not to make Katniss unhappy. Then she would just stay in her room all day and sulk.

Katniss brightened immediately. "Yay!" she squealed.

When she got to lunch, Katniss talked nonstop about topics nobody else cared about. In fact, Effie desperately wanted to slap her. And yes, she did slap her. Peeta was the only one paying any attention to Katniss. And that was only because he was a lovesick idiot. At least her future husband would listen to her. Haymitch was muttering the lyrics to a My Chemical Romance song under his breath. Katniss was glad that he didn't sing the song too loudly. Her ears would probably bleed, and that would be very unattractive indeed. Effie was polite enough not to slap anyone (except Katniss) when they were eating, so she was slapping the table instead. Katniss thought she was hurting the table's feelings.

Later, the train stopped. Their server informed the passengers that a part of the train had malfunctioned and it would have to take at least an hour to get it fixed. Effie pulled out her schedule and started panicking. Finally, Katniss couldn't take it anymore.

"No one cares, Effie! Everyone just cares about me! I'm just awesome like that!" she yelled suddenly. Everyone stared at her in shock. Katniss was surprised. After all, she was only stating the truth.

Katniss walked out of the train so that she could get some fresh air. She knew that everyone in the dining car would inevitably get slapped by Effie, but she didn't care. Katniss thought about what she had said to Effie. Effie would probably get mad at her, but who cared? Was it a crime to speak the truth?

Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her. Without turning around, she said, "Unless you have makeup, go away."

"I don't have makeup, but I have a poem!" a familiar voice said. Katniss turned around to see Peeta approaching her. Katniss glanced at the paper in his hand and back at his face. He looked excited.

Katniss shook her head. "I'm too upset to listen to a poem right now, Peeta," she said tiredly.

Peeta's eyes got moisturized (he cried but didn't want to admit it). "B-but I love you!" he exclaimed. Then he hugged her. Usually, Katniss loved to be hugged, but not when she was caught off guard. She pushed Peeta away, and he hung his head in shame.

"But you said you would listen to my poems!" he protested.

Katniss sighed. "Fine."

Peeta looked down at his piece of paper then widened his eyes in surprise. "Oops. I must have grabbed the wrong piece of paper. This is my…uh…grocery list…" he muttered.

Katniss peered at the piece of paper before Peeta could pull it away, which he did right after she saw the words written at the top of the page. "If it really is a grocery list, then why is it titled 'My Plan to Make Katniss Fall in Love with Me'?" Katniss asked in confusion.

Peeta blushed. "Uh…that's the name of a brand of…apples!" he lied.

Katniss, being a spoon, believed the lie. What a sad, sad little girl. "So what do you want?" she asked Peeta.

"I wanted to ask you if we could be friends. We just ignore each other when we're not in public," he said hopefully.

Katniss tried to decide whether being friends with Peeta would be a good thing or not. "As friends, will you get me makeup?" she asked.

Peeta, knowing Katniss, had been prepared for this question. "Yes," he said.

"Yay!" Katniss leaned toward him and hugged him. She had forgotten about Effie, which wasn't very surprising considering Katniss never really cared about other people's feelings unless she was close to them.

"So…we're friends, but I don't even know anything about you," Katniss pointed out. "What's your favorite color?"

"Or—"

"Oh, no one really cares. My favorite color is pink!" Katniss interrupted him, not really caring what his favorite color was. She had only asked to be nice—she hadn't really expected him to answer. But she was sure that he would want to know what her favorite color was. Peeta looked disappointed that she didn't care. _Well, get used to it, _Katniss thought. But looking at his sad face, Katniss felt sorry for him.

"Everybody talks about how you paint in your free time. I feel bad that I haven't seen them," she said. Painting was his talent.

Peeta nodded. He took Katniss' hand and led her back to the train. When they got back to the dining car, Peeta suddenly remembered something. "Shouldn't you apologize to Effie?" he asked Katniss.

"Oh," she replied. So she went back to the dining car and apologized to Effie. Effie seemed to accept her apology because she gave Katniss a friendly slap afterward. Yes, there was such a thing as a friendly slap. Effie expressed all her feelings by slapping people—she didn't _just_ slap people when she got mad. Katniss had gotten used to Effie's strange ways.

After talking to Effie, Peeta took Katniss down a few cars to see his paintings. She didn't really know what she was expecting. Maybe wonderful pictures of her? That would've been awesome. Instead, Peeta had painted the Games.

Katniss looked at the paintings. She saw the Cornucopia. Some mutts, Water dripping through cracks in their cave. Katniss putting on makeup. Katniss thought the painting didn't do justice to her beauty—she looked far too ugly. But she guessed that _no_ painting would be able to make her look as beautiful as she really was.

Looking at the paintings, Katniss almost felt like she was back in the Games. She felt something that she hadn't felt since the Games. Fear. She still got nightmares each night. The Games had been terrifying. But the experience was made slightly better because she had her makeup with her. How did she sneak makeup into the arena? Well, that was her secret, and she sure wasn't going to tell anyone.

"Your paintings scare me," Katniss said bluntly.

"I get nightmares every night…" Peeta mumbled. He looked almost as depressed as Gale for a minute, and Katniss was tempted to pull an Effie and slap him hard.

Peeta seemed to understand that Katniss didn't like his sudden emo-ness. "Come on. We're almost to District 11. Let's go take a look at it," he said.

**AN: I'm just curious. Who do you want Katniss to end up with in the books? Gale? Peeta? Haymitch (my friend would want me to add that, sorry)? I can't write poetry, so if you want, you can submit any poem you want Peeta to write for Katniss and I might use it. Also, are there any songs you want Haymitch to sing? **

**Review? (I'm begging you)**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: If it wasn't already glaringly obvious, I like Gale. Though I wouldn't mind too much if Katniss chose Peeta instead. You want to know my reasoning for liking Gale? (Ignore this part if you haven't read Maximum Ride) ColorTheSky and I were discussing this and it really got me thinking. The Maximum Ride love triangle (Fang, Dylan, and Max) is actually really similar to the Hunger Games one. Katniss and Max have really similar personalities. Fang and Gale are both the best friends of the girl in the book. Peeta and Dylan are the new guys in the girl's life. And if you think about it, they have kind of similar personalities. And since I totally favor Fang (who doesn't?), I like Gale more than Peeta. Well, that was a long A/N. I just needed to get that out of my system. **

They went down to the last car on the train. There were chairs and couches to sit on and the back windows retracted into the ceiling. District 11 had a lot of wide open fields. But the most memorable thing was the 35-foot fence with wicked coils of barbed wire that surrounded the district. There was absolutely no way to get through the fence without being caught. _And it isn't even pretty_, Katniss thought to herself with disappointment. If they were going to make a fence to keep people in or out, the least they could do was make it _pretty. _Painting the whole thing pink would've been nice.

"Wow. They have a fence," Katniss said. Peeta resisted the urge to facepalm because it was pretty darn obvious that the thing in front of them was a fence. If not, what could it be? A particularly large cookie with barbed wire all around it, perhaps? Even though Peeta loved Katniss, sometimes he wanted to slap her because of her stupidity.

Of course, most people considered him pretty damn stupid too, but he didn't know that.

They began seeing crops, stretched out as far as the eye could see. They saw men, women, and children working in the fields. They looked up as the train passed. Not one of them was wearing an ounce of makeup. Katniss was mad now. Would it hurt them to wear makeup in the fields where they worked? Even if no one cared what they looked like anyway?

On and on the fields went. Katniss couldn't believe the size of District 11. "This is a big district," Katniss commented.

And this time, Peeta did facepalm. _No shit, Sherlock_, he thought. But he didn't say anything and just put a fake smile on his face. Because that was what lovesick idiots did.

"Wait here, Katniss," Peeta said. He got up and left the car. Katniss wondered what he was doing. After a few minutes, he came back with a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

"You want one?" he asked.

Katniss glared at him. "No, I want a cookie with _pink_ chocolate chips,"

Peeta looked confused. "Is there such a thing as pink chocolate?"

Katniss thought about this for a moment. "I don't know. If not, go make some," she commanded him, dismissing him with a wave of her hand. Peeta went to the kitchen car of the train and handed someone who worked there the plate of cookies.

"Can you make these chocolate chips pink?" Peeta asked her. The woman raised her eyebrows at this strange request. Rarely did anyone ask to make chocolate chips _pink_. And by rarely, she meant "never". And coming form a boy too…this was weird. "They're for Katniss," Peeta explained. Now the woman understood. Katniss was a spoiled brat who wanted everything to be pink. It was pink this, and pink that, and pink _everywhere_. It was enough to make anyone puke at the absolute ridiculousness of it. The woman took the plate of cookies and walked away, muttering about painting the chocolate chips with pink lead-based paint and how Katniss could shove her pink cookies up her ass.

Peeta didn't hear because he skipped away toward the car Katniss was in. He met Effie along the way and was commanded to go to his car to dress for his public appearance. Then, she slapped him as a goodbye. Effie walked into the last car on the train and told Katniss the same thing. Katniss went to her compartment and let the prep team do her hair and makeup.

Effie got Peeta and Katniss together and went through the day's program one last time. In District 11, the ceremony was confined to the square and took place in front of their Justice Building, which was a large marble structure. Once, it had been beautiful, but now it looked run down and old. Katniss noticed that there wasn't a bit of pink on the Justice Building. What was wrong with this district?

The entire public performance was to take place on the verandah. Katniss and Peeta would be introduced, the mayor would give a speech in their honor, and then they would say a scripted thank-you written by the Capitol. If a victor had any allies among the dead tributes, it was considered polite to add a few personal comments as well. Effie had told Katniss and Peeta not to write anything. She feared that whatever speech Katniss wrote would involve copious mentions of the color pink and makeup. And whatever Peeta wrote would probably be in the form of a bad poem. So Effie wrote the personal comments herself and instructed Peeta to say them. She didn't trust Katniss' public speaking skills.

The train pulled into the District 11 station and eight Peacekeepers directed them to the back of an armored truck. Katniss complained that they were all being treated like criminals, even though the government officials in the Capitol probably did consider her a criminal. The truck let them out at the back of the Justice Building. There was no time to look around. Haymitch was, unfortunately, drunk. He began singing an astoundingly horrific rendition of Misery Business by Paramore, which made him sound very, very gay indeed.

They made a beeline for the front entrance and someone clipped a microphone to Katniss. Peeta took her hand and the massive doors opened with a groan.

"Big smiles!" Effie said as she slapped them for good luck. She gave them a nudge and their feet started to move forward.

The square was packed with people. Katniss noticed that not enough people were wearing pink. If she ruled the world, she would make everyone wear something pink every day. It was for the good of the many. As usual, a special platform had been constructed at the bottom of the stage for the families of the dead tributes. On Thresh's side, there was only an old woman with a hunched back and a tall, muscular girl who Katniss guessed was his sister. On Rue's side, there were her parents and five younger siblings. The first thing Katniss noticed about them was that they were all wearing black and their faces were fresh with sorrow. Katniss deduced that the reason they looked so sad was because they were wearing black. Black was such a depressing color.

The mayor gave the speech in their honor and Peeta and Katniss said their scripted thank-you. Luckily, Peeta didn't have the sudden craving to recite some poetry and Katniss didn't start talking about how absolutely wonderful makeup was.

Peeta began saying his "personal comments" while Katniss stood next to him, silent. He hesitated before adding something that wasn't written on the card. "As a token of our thanks, we'd like for each of the tributes' families from District Eleven to receive one month of our winnings every year for the duration of our lives."

There were gasps and murmurs in the crowd. They didn't know if this was even legal or not. Katniss was confused. Why would he do that? It was too…nice.

Not to be outdone, Katniss said," And I'll make sure you get lots of makeup!"

Somehow, the families seemed more excited about Peeta's gift.

Katniss stood on her tiptoes to kiss Peeta. The mayor stepped forward and presented them each with a plaque that was so large, Katniss had to put down her bouquet to hold it. The ceremony was about to end when Katniss noticed one of Rue's sisters staring at her. Her look was reproachful. Katniss realized that aside from telling them that she would get them "lots of makeup" (which they were inexplicably not very excited about), Katniss had barely said a thank-you to Rue's family. Personally, Katniss thought that her gift should make them happy, but people were so demanding nowadays.

"Wait!" Katniss stumbled forward. Katniss didn't know where to start, but once she did, the words started rushing from her lips. "I want to thank the tributes of District 11. Thresh spared my life and if he hadn't, I would be dead, meaning I wouldn't be awesome. I like being awesome," Katniss said seriously. Everyone was wondering how _this _girl had won the Hunger Games. "Rue was a great ally. Sometimes, I felt like I would even let her use my makeup. And I _never_ let anyone use my makeup. Thank you for your children!" she said.

There was silence. Then suddenly, someone whistled Rue's four-note mockingjay tune. By the end of the tune, Katniss had found the whistler, an old man in a faded red shirt and overalls. What happened next was too well executed to be spontaneous. Every person in the crowd pressed the three middle fingers of their left hand against their lips and extended them to Katniss. It was the last goodbye Katniss had given Rue in the arena. Katniss didn't see what was wrong with that, and the gesture almost moved her to tears.

Because she was a spoon, that's why.

Peeta led Katniss back to the doors. Katniss realized something. "I forgot my flowers," she mumbled. They would've been safe in the Justice Building if Katniss hadn't forgotten her flowers, if she hadn't stopped. Instead, from the shade of the verandah, Katniss and Peeta saw the whole thing.

A pair of Peacekeepers dragged the old man who had whistled to the top of the steps and forced him to his knees before the crowd. Then one of them took out a gun and shot him.

_At least the bullet's shiny_, Katniss thought.

And Katniss liked shiny things.

**AN: Cookies and emo hair. My true loves. ****Sorry about the short and crappy chapter. :P**

**Review? **


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Thanks you so much for the reviews Seriously, your reviews make my day. The poem in this chapter is written by ColorTheSky. I thought Peeta deserved to write one good poem and since my poetry writing skills are…lacking, Color decided to be awesome and write a good poem. This is a pretty short chapter, sorry. **

Peeta pulled Katniss back inside before the Peacekeepers could push them into the building. Katniss could feel a gun pressing against her back. _But that's going to wrinkle my dress_, she thought, frowning.

Inside, Peeta and Katniss found Haymitch, Effie, Portia, and Cinna watching a static-filled screen with anxious looks on their faces. Effie slapped Peeta and Katniss as a greeting and then turned back to the screen.

"Why are you just looking at static? It's not even _pink_ static," Katniss said confusedly.

"What happened out there?" Effie asked.

"Oh. Em. Gee. We were, like, just going to get some flowers and—" Katniss began, but Peeta slapped a hand over her mouth, silencing her. Apparently, he had been able to maintain some of his common sense, which was more than could be said for Katniss. But then, she didn't have any common sense to start with anyway.

Katniss heard two more shots. The door didn't muffle them very well. Well, Katniss was going to complain to the mayor about them.

Haymitch sighed. "Both of you. Come with me," he commanded. Haymitch didn't start singing, surprisingly, and instead led them through a series of hallways and rooms that made Katniss dizzy. Then, they arrived into a room that had been prepared for their use. Haymitch yanked the microphones from their chests and stuffed them under a couch.

"How are we going to broadcast every conversation we're having to everyone around us if we don't have microphones?" Katniss asked. Haymitch just sighed and glared at her. His eyes seemed to say "Don't ask any more stupid questions or I'll start singing." Katniss decided that it was a great time to shut up.

Haymitch led them through some other doors and hallways and eventually, they found themselves in the dome of the Justice Building. The dust was so thick that it was obvious that the place hadn't been disturbed in years. Katniss sneezed. Almost no light filtered in through the four windows set on the side of the dome. All in all, it was a very ugly place.

"This place needs a makeover," Katniss decided. "Something pink."

Haymitch kicked the trapdoor shut and turned to them. "What happened?"

Peeta began to tell Haymitch everything that happened in the square. Peeta knew that if _Katniss _had been the one to tell Haymitch, she would probably go off topic and start talking about the clothes the people in the square were wearing and why everyone there needed a makeover. But he didn't tell Katniss this because he knew that she would start crying if he did. Peeta didn't like it when Katniss cried. It made him want to cry too. Because he was hopelessly in love with her. :( Life is so _fair_, isn't it?

"What's going on, Haymitch?" Peeta asked.

"Tell him, Katniss," Haymitch said. Katniss sighed, but because she wanted to get out of this dusty dome as soon as possible, she did. She told him about President Snow's threats, the unrest in the districts, her kiss with Gale, everything. And by everything, she literally told him _everything_. Like her hopes and dreams for the future (to work with fashion, _duh_), why she loved pink so much (because it's _pink_), and many other things about Katniss that Peeta didn't need to hear.

"I was supposed to fix things on this tour and convince everyone that we acted out of love," Katniss explained. "I don't want an uprising. It would mean less makeup."

"And I made things worse by giving them the money," Peeta sighed.

"Hey! Don't forget that I gave them makeup!" Katniss exclaimed.

Haymitch waved his hand dismissively. "But no one cares about that," Haymitch said. Katniss sat back, insulted.

Peeta suddenly struck a lamp that was sitting on a crate and knocked it across the room. Katniss gaped. Did Peeta have…anger issues? "This has got to stop. You two have to tell me everything from now on," he said angrily. "I have people I care about too! Just like you!" Peeta sat back and the angry expression left his face. "Hey! That rhymed," he said, giggling like a silly Edward Cullen fangirl.

"Peeta, we—" Katniss began.

"You should've told me. I could've written a poem to prove my love for Katniss," Peeta exclaimed. Peeta cleared his throat, getting ready to recite another poem.

"The beauty of thy lady is like that of a flower,  
Her face so angelic it possesses this striking power,  
To intoxicate the man who's ever near,  
And make his love thine for her forever dear.

Her glowing skin is that of cream and roses,  
Her eyes grey like the stormy sky.  
Her mouth is of pink, that always exposes,  
The wondrous beauty of her astounding smile.

Her grace, her life is unlike any other,  
The way she moves can last forever.  
Her smell, her breath, so breathtakingly sweet,  
Like the beauty of a flower, must I repeat?"

Peeta looked at Katniss expectantly. Katniss frowned.

"Gosh, Peeta, that sucked," she whined.

Peeta's face fell. "But I worked on it for a week!" he protested.

"I liked that one that started out with something like '_Roses are red'_ more. Now _that_ was pure genius," Katniss said. Peeta looked like he was about to cry, which wouldn't come as much of a surprise.

"He lives in a pineapple under the sea," Haymitch began singing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song. Katniss covered her ears because Haymitch's singing was so bad. But Haymitch achieved what had wanted to achieve. He had their attention.

"Okay, Peeta. From now on, you'll be fully informed," Haymitch said.

Peeta didn't seem to hear him. "Did you really think that poem was bad?" Peeta asked Katniss in a shaky voice.

"Yeah. You didn't even mention makeup. And everyone knows makeup makes the world the wonderful place it is," Katniss replied.

Haymitch realized that neither of them were listening to him. Teenagers these days. So disrespectful. Haymitch knew he hadn't been _that_bad when he was their age.

"Come on. We've got a dinner to attend," Haymitch said.

**AN: Probably not very funny. Oh well. Katniss didn't appreciate the poem very much. I find it funny that Katniss likes all the crappy poems and hates the decent one. But that's Katniss for ya. :P I think I update this story too much and totally neglect my other stories. But this story is just too **_**easy**_** to write. I don't even look at the book before I start writing the chapter. Everything is just made up on the spot.**

**Review?**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Hey! Here's the next installment of Drenched in Water. Read on and don't forget to review. **

Katniss sat down and her prep team readied her for the dinner. Katniss was sure it was going to be a nice dinner and it would only be made better by her presence. She had been told that her presence could brighten any room. Or did people say her presence bored people to death? Should couldn't remember, but she was sure it was the first one. She wasn't boring at all! Makeup was a very interesting topic of conversation.

As Katniss was fantasizing about what dishes would be served at the dinner, she didn't really pay attention to what her prep team was doing to her. They could've put her in a clown costume and she wouldn't have known. Of course, she would've had a heart attack if they had and she'd found out. But then, Katniss getting a heart attack might be for the best because then she wouldn't be able to _talk_ anymore.

Katniss was about to leave when she saw herself in the mirror. She was wearing a pink strapless dress and her hair was pulled back. The only detail Katniss registered was the fact that the dress was _pink_, which was such a lovely, lovely color that Katniss wanted to prance around in happiness throwing sparkly glitter at people when she thought about it. She didn't know where she would get the oh-so-sparkly glitter, but she would get it nonetheless.

But before she could get her hands on some glitter, Cinna dragged her out the door and everyone assembled to get ready to go to the dinner. Haymitch was singing, "And I was like baby, baby, baby, ooh…" Effie immediately slapped Katniss, and then went back to examining the schedule. She was glaring at the guards.

"What's wrong?" Cinna asked Effie.

"I don't like the way they're treating us here. They definitely don't deserve a friendly slap," Effie said irritably.

Katniss felt someone tap her shoulder, and turned around to see Peeta standing behind her holding a spoon.

"Look at what I found!" Peeta said with barely contained excitement.

"I'm already looking at it," Katniss said impatiently. She wanted to go to the dinner so she could show off her _pink_ dress. That reminded her that she still needed to find that glitter…

"It's a spoon!" Peeta exclaimed. It was quite obvious that it was a spoon, so it wasn't necessary for Peeta to point that out. But maybe Peeta was trying to make sure _Katniss _knew it was a spoon?

"Yes," Katniss replied.

Peeta looked at the spoon in awe, his mouth slightly agape. "It's a pretty spoon," Peeta said in wonder.

Katniss looked insulted. "Psh, I'm a much prettier spoon!"

Peeta looked at Katniss like she was crazy, which she could very well be. "You're a spoon?"

Katniss nodded. "Of course."

"You're a kitchen utensil?" Peeta asked in confusion. Peeta turned his head this way and that to see if Katniss bore even the slightest resemblance to a spoon. Then he had a sudden realization. _I'm in love with a spoon? _

"What's a utensil?" Katniss asked. She said "utensil" like it was a new, foreign word to her, like she wasn't exactly sure of the pronunciation. You see, Katniss had trouble with some words that were over two syllables long.

"An implement, instrument, or vessel used in a household and especially a kitchen," Peeta replied.

"How did you know that?" Katniss asked.

Peeta took a pocket dictionary out of his jacket pocket. "Merriam-Webster dictionary."

"Oh…can you look up 'pretty' in there? I want to see if the definition is 'Katniss'"

Peeta obliged immediately, flipping through the pages of the dictionary until he found the word he was looking for. "Moderately large; considerable," Peeta said.

"What?"

At Katniss' look of utter confusion, Peeta looked down at the dictionary again. "Oops, wrong definition. The right definition is 'pleasing by delicacy or grace; having conventionally accepted elements of beauty; appearing or sounding pleasant or nice but lacking strength, force, manliness, purpose, or intensity'."

Katniss looked quite miffed. "There's no mention of me?" she demanded. Peeta shook his head. "Well, they have the wrong definition, then," she decided.

She and Peeta descended the steps and were sucked into an indistinguishable round of dinners, ceremonies, and train rides. Each day it was the same. Wake up. Get dressed. Complain about something. Ride through cheering crowds while talking about makeup. Listen to a speech in their honor. Give a thank-you speech without offering makeup (that came as a relief to Katniss because she liked to keep her makeup to herself, thank you very much). Sometimes a brief tour. Complain about how the tour didn't offer free makeup at the end. Dress in evening clothes. Look up the definition of 'pretty' in Peeta's dictionary to see if it had been changed since the last time she'd checked. Attend dinner. Train.

In Districts 8, 3, and 4, the people seemed to be genuinely elated at the sight of Peeta and Katniss. Katniss would have liked to say that it was because her makeup and clothing were absolutely stunning, but she knew she was only deceiving herself.

It was because they wanted more _pink_. Duh.

Underneath all her shallow thoughts (yes, it's kind of hard to believe that she was actually capable of thinking about _important _things some of the time), she began to worry that maybe her acting wasn't good enough, that maybe a rebellion was unpreventable. When the people chanted her name, it sounded like a cry for vengeance. She was extremely frustrated. Why couldn't these people just put some makeup on and be happy?

By the time they reached the Capitol, Katniss was desperate. She didn't think she had done a very good job pacifying the districts. A lot of them wanted justice from the Capitol they were determined to get it. Katniss only hoped they wouldn't get her involved. She had enough troubles of her own. She had run out of her favorite color of lipstick.

Katniss suggested a public marriage proposal. Peeta agreed quickly but then disappeared into his room for a long time, presumably to write another poem.

"He seems disappointed," Katniss said. "I thought he wanted this."

If Katniss was hoping for an insightful answer from Haymitch, she was disappointed. He just kept singing Justin Bieber songs. Maybe he was searching for his inner girl.

Before the dinner, there was an interview with Caeser Flickerman. When he asked them about the future, Peeta got down on one knee and proposed to Katniss, telling her how much he loved her. He, of course, had a poem for the occasion.

"Katniss, you are my love, my life

Will you be my wife?"

Katniss accepted immediately and the Capitol audience was hysterical.

Even President Snow paid a surprise visit to congratulate them. He embraced Katniss. Afterward, he pulled back, smiling at her. Katniss raised her eyebrows, asking unspoken questions. _Did I do it? Was it enough for you not to kill my whole family and everyone I love? Was it enough for you not to take away my makeup?_

In answer, he gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head, mouthing four words.

"Off with your head."

**AN: So…like it? Hate it? I don't own the rights to Baby by Justin Bieber. I loathe that song. They were playing it for an awards ceremony thing at school once. I was screaming, "Death to Bieber" the whole time. That was a terrifying experience. People everywhere were singing along. *shudder*Afterward, my friends and I confronted the teacher who picked the music. It turns out Baby was one of the only pop songs she knew. I forgave her because the school wouldn't let her play the music she listens to. Which is mostly rock, I think (that was totally awesome because I found out a **_**math**_** teacher likes a lot of the same music I do). **

**Review?**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: I was bored, so I decided to update this. This chapter took longer than usual to write. Partly because I was updating my other stories and partly because I'm reading the House of Night series (I'm on the 5****th****, I think). Zoey's a slut and Stark is hot. Whoa, over 100 reviews? That. Is, Awesome. **** Listening to random Owl City songs. Is it just me or does Cave In sound like it's about suicide? And Rainbow Veins totally sounds like it's about drugs. **

With those words, Katniss could see the end of hope, the beginning of the destruction of everything she held dear in the world. She felt utter despair crushing down on her, choking her, suffocating her. All hope was gone, shattered, carried away in the wind.

She also felt a desperate urge to eat some pink cookies, but that was just because she hadn't eaten in a while.

Because her life was so dang busy nowadays.

She barely had time to put her makeup on this morning.

Oh, the horror.

At least now she knew she had no choice but to run away. Even if it meant a lack of makeup and pink cookies. If she stayed, President Snow would surely behead her. And being headless wouldn't suit her at all. She liked to keep her head attached to her body, thank you very much. She was so damn _picky_ sometimes.

Katniss was lost in her own thoughts, planning who she would bring. Gale, of course. She would have to remind him to bring his razor to keep himself occupied because he got quite annoying when bored. (She was instantly reminded of the occasion when they had to travel for a while and Gale had kept asking, "Are we there yet?" He had done that for the majority of the trip. Didn't he know that Katniss was even more clueless than he was?) She would have to bring Peeta along too. She made a mental note to bring an extra notebook for him. He would probably throw a fit if he couldn't write his poetry anymore. And she had to bring lots and lots of makeup and hope that it wouldn't run out too quickly. Of course, she wouldn't need makeup while on the run, but she preferred to wear it all the time anyway.

Because she's just awesome like that.

Katniss smiled at President Snow. "What do you think about us throwing them a wedding right here in the Capitol?" President Snow asked the audience, trying to act nice. Katniss knew he wasn't nice at all. Any man who threatened to behead her wasn't nice. In fact, President Snow was a meaniebutt.

"How do you feel about this?" Caesar Flickerman asked Katniss.

Katniss, being a total and complete spoon, couldn't think of an answer that didn't involve calling President Snow a meaniebutt right then and there for the whole of Panem to hear. Even she knew that wasn't a good idea. Now, putting makeup on animals after they've been caught and killed to make them prettier was Kaniss' definition of a good idea, so maybe her judgment was a bit…screwed up?

Katniss said the first thing that came to her mind. "I like pie!" she blurted.

Flickerman was confused for a moment. _That's random, _he thought. _How did this girl ever win? _He wasn't the only person in Panem having those thoughts. The Gamemakers were scratching their heads in disbelief. Had there been a mistake?

"Yes, I'm sure there will be lots of…um, pie at your wedding," Flickerman said awkwardly.

Katniss thought for a moment. "Pink cookies too."

Flickerman nodded, feeling sorry for whoever was going to have to prepare the food at Katniss' wedding.

Katniss' eyes widened with a sudden epiphany. Her newest realization was pure genius, and she didn't know why she hadn't thought of it before. She decided to enlighten the world with her newfound knowledge. "Pink cookies are pretty," she said excitedly.

The people of Panem began seriously worrying about her sanity.

"Spoons are pretty, too!"

Somebody's going to the funny farm… But if Katniss was sent there, it wouldn't be the funny farm anymore. It would be more like the crazy-stupid-obsessed-with-makeup-and-totally-ditzy farm. Actually, Katniss would probably have fun there.

The party, held in the banquet room of President Snow's mansion had no equal. The only thing Katniss could criticize was the fact that there wasn't enough _pink_. If it had been up to her, everything would've been decorated with that amazing, amazing color and everyone would dance under a _pink _sky wearing _pink_ clothing while socializing _pinkly_. Yes, that is actually a word. Of course, Katniss had used it wrong (did you actually expect her to use it right?), but whatever.

The real star of the evening was the food. It wasn't pink, but it was still delicious. Countless dishes and tables laden with delicacies lined the walls. It seemed like the cooks had even made an effort to make Katniss happy—there was a lot of pink food. (They had slathered a lot of dishes in edible paint) Katniss felt her mouth beginning to water—she started walking toward the food as if some uncontrollable force was pulling her toward it. There was a small voice inside her head that was freaking out about how fat the food was going to make her, but she paid no attention. She was mesmerized by the pinkness of the dishes.

And the pretty spoons.

Don't forget the pretty spoons.

"I want to taste everything in the room," Katniss said.

"I want to write a poem about all this food," Peeta said. Unfortunately, the only thing he could come up with was: "There is good. Food is good." But at least it rhymed!

Katniss went around the room, sampling the delicious food. She socialized. She danced. She lectured people about the awesomeness of the color pink. She did whatever was expected of her at a party.

Apparently, her mockingjay pin had started a new a new fashion sensation. Katniss was pleasantly surprised. It made her feel a warm sensation that made her feel all pink inside.

But then she realized that was just gas and went to the bathroom to release it.

People constantly sought Peeta and Katniss out and Katniss tried her best to be nice to them. But when she started ranting about how light pink was so much prettier than dark pink, they all made excuses to leave. Katniss wondered why.

_Of course_ it wasn't because she was as boring as hell.

After a few tables, Katniss was stuffed even though she had only eaten small samples of the food.

"Why aren't you eating?" Octavia asked.

"I'm so full," Katniss complained. Her prep team laughed as if that was the funniest thing they had ever heard. They led Peeta and Katniss to a table that held tiny stemmed wineglasses filled with clear liquid.

"Drink this," Flavius said, holding out a glass to Peeta.

Peeta took a sip and they lost it. "You weren't supposed to drink it here!" Venia screamed.

Peeta widened his eyes. "Why?" he asked suspiciously. As he spoke, his face was turning a nice shade of blue. He grabbed at his throat and his eyes bugged out. He looked like he couldn't breathe. He tried to take shallow breaths, but couldn't get any air into his lungs. It was like invisible hands were choking him.

The prep team looked at him in surprise. "I think we made him drink the wrong thing," Octavia said as Peeta continued to try to breathe and failed.

Katniss looked at her prep team exasperatedly. "What was it supposed to make him do?"

"Well, it was supposed to make him puke," Flavius said.

"But apparently, we made him drink the wrong thing," Venia observed while looking at Peeta in amazement. His face was such a pretty shade of blue.

"So what are we supposed to do?" Katniss asked. Flavius walked over to Peeta and hit his back. Peeta took a deep breath immediately and his face returned to its normal color.

"I'm okay," he gasped. He took Katniss' hand and dragged her to the dance floor. "Let's just dance," he suggested. Katniss nodded.

"That was supposed to make me puke?" Peeta asked Katniss. She nodded.

"That would've been so _gross_," Katniss said, disgustedly.

Peeta leaned close to Katniss' ear and whispered something to her softly so that they would not be overheard.

"What did you say?" Katniss asked loudly (because she's a spoon), totally defeating the purpose of not being overheard. Several cameras turned to hear what Peeta had to say. He waited until the cameras turned away again before he whispered to Katniss, "Maybe we were wrong to try to subdue things in the districts."

Katniss gasped. "But if we don't, there will be less makeup," she protested.

Just then, Portia appeared with a large man who introduced himself as Plutarch Heavensbee, the new head Gamemaker. He asked Peeta if he could steal Katniss for a dance. Peeta agreed, muttering something about how he needed to write a new poem about spoons.

She didn't want to dance with Plutarch Heavensbee—he was quite fat. But she did anyway. They made small talk about the party, the entertainment, about makeup (though that wasn't really a conversation as it was basically just a seemingly endless monologue from Katniss).

"So you're the new Head Gamemaker? That must be an honor," Katniss said.

"Yes, the Quarter Quell games will be big. In fact, I have a strategy meeting tonight," he said.

Plutarch stepped back and pulled out a gold watch on a chain from a vest pocket. He flipped open the lid and frowned, seeing the time. "I have to go soon. The meeting starts at midnight."

Katniss was about to comment that seemed late for a meeting, but something distracted her.

No, it wasn't makeup, a pretty spoon, or the color pink, even though she would definitely be distracted by these things.

Plutarch ran his hand over the crystal face of the watch and just for a moment, an image appeared, glowing as if lit by candlelight. It was…

A butterfly.

Plutarch blushed and mumbled, "Oops, wrong watch." He hurriedly took another watch out of his pocket and opened the lid. He ran a hand over the face of the watch. This one showed a mockingjay. It glowed for a moment then disappeared. Plutarch snapped the watch closed.

"I liked the butterfly better," Katniss said.

Plutarch sighed. "I'm trying to give you a message here," he said to Katniss impatiently.

"Well, can you make it more obvious? Because I don't get it," she complained.

"But I'm trying to be discreet."

"But I still don't get it," the spoon replied.

Plutarch sighed again. "Well, just try to figure it out," he said. "And in the meantime, try to actually acquire some brains," he said under his breath, hoping Katniss wouldn't hear him.

"What did you say?" Katniss asked.

"Oh, nothing."

**AN: Pinkly. That word makes me laugh. I don't know why, but I like my Katniss more than canon Katniss. She just makes me laugh. Please take a minute of your time and review. It seriously doesn't take that long. You have no idea how much a review can brighten up my day. **

**Review? **


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: I really don't know why I'm updating this so much. I just don't feel like being funny for any other stories. Thanks for the reviews! I love you all (not in a creepy way). Your reviews were just amazing. Your reviews are why this is my most updated story. Enjoy! Hehe, I can't wait until Finnick shows up. Then, you'll find out why this story is rated T. (Mostly just really bad cussing and excessive use of the f-bomb, but there will probably be some sexual innuendos as well because it's **_**Finnick**_**. Nothing too bad.) **

With those words, Plutarch Heavensbee walked off, muttering about how dumb Katniss was. Katniss heard some of what he was saying, but deduced that he was talking about _another_ Katniss Everdeen he knew. Because he couldn't _possibly _be talking about her lack of brains. She had a brain!

Strangers came up to Katniss and congratulated her on her engagement, on her victory in the Games. Strangely, no one congratulated her on her choice of lipstick, which disappointed Katniss greatly. She responded, but she was really thinking about Plutarch showing his one-of-a-kind watch to her. There was something clandestine about it. It was like he was trying to tell her something. Maybe there was something important about midnight? After a while, Katniss deduced that she was to receive some sort of present at midnight because people wanted to recognize her awesomeness.

Self-centered, _much?_

Katniss walked up to a government official. "What's my present?" she asked him bluntly. He looked at her as if she was crazy.

"What do you mean?" he asked her impatiently.

Katniss rolled her eyes. "You know, the present I'm getting at midnight?" she asked him expectantly.

"But you're not getting a present at midnight."

Katniss shook her head pouted. "Why not?" she whined.

The official gestured around the banquet hall. "This is your present! The whole party is in _your _honor."

Katniss just pouted some more. "But I can't put a party on myself like I can do with makeup. Duh," she said.

"But this party is great!" the official objected.

"I want a present," Katniss yelled, making quite a scene. She was on the verge of tears. She wondered if she could get surgery so that when she cried, her tears would be pink. That would be so awesome!

The official sighed, desperate for Katniss to go away. He grabbed a random object off a table next to him and gave it to Katniss.

It was a pink spoon.

Katniss turned it this way and that, admiring the pretty object. Part of it was stainless steel, so it was shiny. Bonus! She was captivated by the shininess, pinkness, and all-around awesomeness of the spoon. In fact, she could hear choir music off in the distance, making the moment all the more wonderful. At first, she thought that the choir was her imagination, something her brain made up so that the moment would be more special, but then she realized there really _was_ a choir. She also thought that the spoon was glowing because it was so awesome, but then she realized that it was just reflecting light.

"Thank you, kind sir," Katniss said to the government official she had just been yelling at a few minutes before. Wasn't she so _polite_? She never took her eyes off the spoon.

"You're welcome?" the official asked disbelievingly—he never thought that a pink spoon would have this kind of effect on Katniss.

Katniss walked away, still admiring the spoon. She accidentally bumped into a few people because she didn't watch where she was going. Katniss, lost in her thoughts (surprisingly), walked right into Effie, who gave her a friendly slap on the cheek. It left a red mark. "It's time to go," Effie told Katniss. It was one of the rare moments Katniss just loved Effie's compulsive punctuality. It gave her an excuse to stop thinking. Effie dragged Haymitch away from the table with alcoholic beverages on it. He was, of course, drunk. He was singing Womanizer at the top of his lungs, which was receiving a standing ovation.

Not.

As much as Haymitch would like to believe that his singing was wonderful, all he got for his wonderful music was a few weird looks from people. Nobody appreciated good music these days.

They traveled through the Capitol in a car with darkened windows. The throngs of people celebrating were thick, so it was slow going. On the bright side, it gave Katniss lots of time to think about the pros and cons of the color pink. She found no cons and only one pro. And that was "it's prettiful".

Katniss headed straight to bed when they got back onto the train. She slept pinkly, like a spoon. She slept with her spoon next to her and had no nightmares. Well, there were still nightmares of her time in the Hunger Games, but there were no nightmares of losing all her makeup, which she took as a good sign. Losing her makeup was so much scarier than her time in the Hunger Games.

When she woke up, it was the afternoon. "I'll never part with you, my spoon!" she said to the spoon. "You're my new bestest friend!" Then she hugged the spoon.

The agenda for District 12 included a dinner at Mayor Undersee's house (which Katniss had assured her spoon she _wasn't_ going to use it to eat at) and a victory rally in the square during the Harvest Festival the next day. Because the Capitol was throwing the party, everyone in the district would have full stomachs and (at Katniss' request) free spoons. She wanted everyone in the district to experience the joy of having a _spoony_ companion. She didn't care that no one else really _wanted_ spoons. They didn't know what was good for them.

Most of their prepping would take place in the mayor's house. They only stopped at the train station briefly to wave to people as they made their way to their car. They wouldn't even see their families until the dinner, where Prim was most likely going to bombard Katniss with random facts.

Katniss liked Mayor Undersee's house, especially now that she and Madge were friends. Madge was teaching Katniss how to play the piano even though Katniss failed at it. All she wanted to do was paint the piano pink. Madge had a crush Gale and was trying to get him to notice her, which meant Katniss had to help her. Madge had taken to generally acting like an emo-wannabe to get Gale to notice her. So far, it hadn't worked. Katniss didn't like Madge's house very much. She couldn't rant about makeup loudly because Madge's mother got fierce headaches and loud noises caused her pain.

"Why don't you just take her to the Capitol?" Katniss had asked Madge once. "There's more pink there than here. I'm sure the _pink_ will make her feel better right away!"

Madge had shaken her head. "You can't go to the Capitol unless you're invited."

When Katniss got to the mayor's house, she didn't see Madge. She was presumably trying to write depressing poetry that she could impress Gale with. Katniss knew Madge wasn't really that kind of person, but she would do anything to make Gale notice her. Poor, poor girl. She needed a boyfriend.

After Katniss was prepped and dressed, she still had an hour to kill before she had to go to the dinner. She went off to find Madge. Madge's bedroom was near her father's study, so Katniss stuck her head into the study to say hello to the mayor. The study was empty. The television was on, so Katniss stopped to watch shots of her and Peeta at the Capitol party the night before. Katniss marveled at her beauty.

Katniss was about to leave the room when a beeping noise caught her attention. Katniss saw the screen of the television go black. Then the words "UPDATE ON DISTRICT 8" started flashing. Katniss knew that she probably wasn't supposed to see this. So, as a spoon, she just stepped closer to the screen and gaped in awe.

An announcer that Katniss had never seen before appeared. She had graying hair and an authoritative voice. She warned that conditions in the districts were getting worse.

They cut away from the woman and showed the main square in District 8. There was a mob scene. The square was packed with screaming people, their faces hidden with rags and homemade masks, throwing bricks and spoons. Katniss thought that they were throwing spoons because they thought Katniss was awesome and her spoon thing was becoming a trend, but in actuality, they were really only throwing them because there was nothing else to throw. Buildings burned. Peacekeepers shot at the ground, killing innocent bystanders.

This was what President Snow called an uprising.

No. More. Makeup.

**AN: Hehe, not my best, but I liked the beginning. **

**Review?**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: I have an addiction to updating this. That's good for readers of this story but it's not so good for readers of my other stories. (Don't kill me! I'll update Nameless soon, I promise!) I'm trying to have equal amounts of Peeta and Gale in here, but I find that I like writing about Gale more (is it really any surprise, seeing as I like Galeniss?) I'm trying to be totally unbiased in my actual writing, so if you think I have a bit too much of Gale and not enough of Peeta, tell me. **

As soon as the implications of what she was seeing hit her, Katniss practically ran from the room, keeping a tight grip on her spoon for comfort. She felt sorry for the spoon. Its relatives in District 8 were getting thrown at buildings and were being used in an uprising. Were spoons even related to each other? Katniss thought they were.

Katniss, you are such a spoon.

But we know that already.

Moving on…

In her rush to get away from the room, Katniss ran into Mr. Wonderful Mayor Who Was Stupid Enough to Leave the Door of His Study Open Even Though the TV Could Show Confidential Information. Being a very stupid mayor, he paid no attention to the fact that Katniss was running for no apparent reason. He didn't even question why she was running even though she was obviously running from the direction of his office.

Fail.

"Looking for Madge?" he said in a friendly tone.

"No…" Katniss said nervously, still shocked by what she had seen on the screen. "Wait, yes. I want to show her my spoon!" Katniss proceeded to practically shove the spoon into the mayor's face so that he could have a closer look at it.

"Isn't it pretty?" Katniss asked.

"Er…yes," the mayor replied awkwardly. "Excuse me," he said, walking into his study. He closed the door tightly.

Katniss found Madge in her room, sitting at a table, brushing her hair before a mirror. Madge saw Katniss' reflection behind her, and turned around quickly. "I need you to help me stalk Gale," were the first words out of Madge's mouth.

Katniss, who was used to Madge's Gale-obsession (which she found was quite similar to Peeta's obsession with her), wasn't surprised. "Well, he's probably in the woods today. You might want to check there," Katniss told Madge nonchalantly.

"Really? Sweet," Madge said. She ran from the room, presumably to go into the woods to look for Gale. She would probably get lost and get eaten by a bear or something. Katniss was completely unconcerned. Instead, she decided to experiment with Madge's makeup. She found a shade of lipstick she really liked and stuck it in her pocket. After she stole Madge's makeup (Madge was probably going to die anyway, so it didn't really matter), she left the room to go into the woods, hoping that she wouldn't be eaten by a bear.

She filled a leather bag with a copious amount of spoons (in various colors!), food (pink!), a flask of hot tea (yay!), and a pair of fur-lined gloves Cinna left behind (black!). She made sure to bring her new pink spoony friend along and started walking in the direction of the woods, whistling a little ditty to herself. If you could count Love Game by Lady GaGa a little ditty.

She left the bag and three twigs broken from the trees that pointed in the direction she would travel at her and Gale's usual meeting place. She trudged through the woods, thinking about how she _really _needed to think of a name for her new spoon. But since thinking hurt Katniss' head greatly, she decided to just stop. She saw mockingjays flitting around the trees. As usual, they reminded her of Rue. Which reminded her of flowers. Which made her hungry.

She had no idea why.

She walked to the lake, hoping Gale would follow her. After a couple of hours, she reached an old one-room house at the edge of the lake. Katniss was panting and she was sure her spoon didn't really appreciate the trip. There was no plumbing, no electricity, and, most importantly, no makeup in the house, but there was a fireplace that still worked. There was also a woodpile that Katniss and her father had collected a while ago in the corner. She started a small fire, giving herself a small burn on her finger. She sucked on the finger like a "wittle" baby.

Sure, if "wittle" babies wore copious amounts of makeup.

In Katniss' version of reality, they probably did.

She sat by the fire, waiting to Gale to show up.

It was a surprisingly short time before he showed up. He was wearing black clothing and (of course) eyeliner. He had a little notebook in his hand so he had a place to write his emo poetry in at any time he wished. In his other hand, he held the bag that Katniss had left for him. He stood in the doorway, as if wondering whether to go in or not. Katniss knew that this meeting was her one chance to make things right with Gale. She knew her next words would either convince him to stay or make him leave. She knew she had to choose them carefully.

"Meet my new pet spoon, Gale!" Katniss exclaimed, poking Gale with her spoon.

"You have a pet spoon?" Gale asked, clearly confused. He didn't remember Katniss being this crazy before. Of course, he was wrong.

Katniss gasped. "You hurt her feelings!" She sounded shocked. She hugged the spoon to her chest. It was quite pathetic, really. "It's okay, spoony!" she whispered to her spoon soothingly. "Don't listen to Gale. He's just a meanie."

"You're weird, Katniss," Gale said.

Katniss ignored Gale and just continued to whisper reassuring things to the spoon. "Don't listen to the meanie."

"Katniss, what did you want to tell me? I want to go back home and try to commit suicide but back out at the last minute again!" Gale said impatiently.

"Oh, I wanted you to think of a name for my spoon. She's my new best friend!"

Gale looked like he was about to cry. "But I thought I was your best friend."

"Aw, Gale. You're my _other_ best friend," Katniss said to Gale reassuringly.

Gale really did start crying. "B-but I don't want you to have a new best friend. Nobody understands me!"

Katniss, desperate to stop Gale's crying and self-pitying, starting patting Gale's head awkwardly. Gale's tears stopped and he wiped his face dry. Oh, how Katniss hated it when Gale started rambling on about how everyone hated him and how he was so "misunderstood". Gale should just be happy! "Now think of a name," Katniss said.

Gale paused, thinking. "How about Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way?" he suggested.

Katniss shook her head. "No, too depressing." Katniss tried to think of another name, which took her about 15 minutes. Actually, Gale got very bored and started cutting himself again. Katniss paid no attention, as she was lost in her thoughts. After 15 minutes, Katniss finally thought of two names.

"Well, I have two ideas for names. Either 'Mary' or 'Sue'," Katniss said thoughtfully.

"Why don't you just name it Mary-Sue?"

"No, I like Sue-Mary better," Katniss said nodding. "That's my spoon's new name! Sue-Mary!" she squealed.

"I still can't believe you have a pet spoon," Gale said, almost smiling. But since he's, you know, emo, of course he wasn't smiling.

Katniss glared at Gale and her bottom lip jutted out. "Well, you used to have a pet rock," she pointed out.

Gale gasped. "How dare you mention Pete?"

"I'm sorry Gale—"

Katniss mentioning "Pete" made Gale start crying again. "Petey ran away. I can't believe he ran away! I hate my life!"

Katniss looked uncomfortable. "Um…I hope you find him soon?"

Gale sobbed. "He ran away!" He buried his head in Katniss' shoulder and cried, releasing all his hurt, doubt, and worries into Katniss' expensive silk shirt. Katniss was disgusted.

After a few minutes, Gale had almost completely stopped crying. Katniss had learned that in these situations, it was best just to wait for Gale to stop. If she told him to stop crying, he would just cry some more because "nobody understood him".

"But now I have a new pet rock," Gale said, still sniffling slightly. Gale took a rock out of his pocket and showed it to Katniss. "Her name is Maria."

Katniss just nodded, not sure what she was supposed to say.

"My rocks are the only things that understand me," Gale complained.

Katniss nodded once again.

"I'm misunderstood and emo."

Another nod.

"When I find Pete again, he and Maria are going to have little baby rocks."

How the hell do rocks get it on?

"What?" Katniss shrieked.

"Oh, I just wanted to see if you were really paying attention to me."

"Oh, of course I am" Katniss said, and then proceeded to stop paying attention to Gale. He was saying something, but all she heard was "blah, blah, blah".

"…so that's why I feel unloved because you got engaged to Peeta," Gale finished. Katniss managed to catch the end of Gale's long and probably boring speech.

"President Snow threatened to have you killed," Katniss said, examining her nails nonchalantly.

"OMG, he did? Why does everyone hate me?" Gale wailed.

"We have to run away," Katniss said. "Even though there won't be any makeup," Katniss added as an afterthought.

"Okay," Gale agreed.

Katniss looked at him in confusion. "Shouldn't it take a big long speech to convince you to leave your whole life behind for some plan that probably won't even work?"

Gale scratched his head thoughtfully. "Yeah, it probably should, but it feels like my whole life is being controlled by a crazy fangirl who wants to get this chapter over with so she can reread the whole Artemis Fowl series. Do you ever feel that way?"

Katniss snorted. "Of course not, Gale. You're weirder than people who don't wear makeup."

"Well, we can run away from all the people who don't understand my inner turmoil!" Gale said as happily as a supposedly depressed person could.

"But even if we run away, nobody who's coming with us is going to understand your 'inner turmoil'," Katniss pointed out.

"I hate my life," Gale sighed.

"Um…yay?"

**AN: I currently have a minor Green Day addiction. Haha. Can't stop listening to American Idiot. I love all you reviewers! Every review makes me feel happyful. Damn, Microsoft Word doesn't recognize that as a word. :P Did you know that Word doesn't count "Voldemort" as a word but counts "Dumbledore" as a word? I made a reference to My Immortal (the crappy Harry Potter fanfiction) in there. If you haven't read it yet, you **_**have **_**to. It's so crappy it's funny. I've neglected my other stories to update this 3 times this week. I feel like a fail. This is my favorite story to write (obviously). Just so you know, I really have nothing against emos. It's just so damn fun to make fun of the stereotypical emo. **

**Review?**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Funny story time (well, I think it's funny). My friend and I went to a bookstore to hang out (because we're nerds like that). We were bored (because we had already finished making fun of a magazine that had a bunch of Justine Bieber pics in it), so we started talking about how fake emos are annoying (they are!), how guys sometimes look really gay in skinny jeans (they do!), and how emo hair is hot (it is!). Then we look up and there's this guy standing a few feet away from us looking like the type of guy we were **_**just**_** talking about. Everything about him screamed **_**stereotypical emo**_**. I mean, he had emo hair, dark clothing, skinny jeans, piercings, even an emo-looking girlfriend! Good thing he was talking on his phone or he would've heard us. I don't know why, but it made my friend and I laugh so hard. Coincidence much?. Heh, it's not really funny. It was funny **_**then**_**. **

Gale and Katniss sat in awkward silence for a while because, well, they had nothing to say to each other. Katniss was painting her nails absentmindedly, watching Gale out of the corner of her eye. Gale was still cutting himself and complaining about how nobody understood him. Typical. Then a thought occurred to Katniss.

"Hey, Gale, where are those spoons I put in the bag for you?" she asked Gale curiously. She took the bag (it was still sitting next to Gale) and peeked inside it. She frowned when she realized that there were no spoons in there. That was when she realized that it had been a mistake to give Gale the spoons. Now Sue-Mary would have no spoons to befriend. How sad. Katniss felt her eyes beginning to water.

"Oh, I left them in the forest somewhere," Gale said. "They were too colorful. The colors were scaring me." Gale shuddered.

"B-but they were _prettiful_!" Katniss tightened her grip on Sue-Mary, afraid that Gale would hurt her new friend.

"But they were colorful!"

"You know, Gale, you really need to get over your chromatophobia," Katniss said knowingly, admiring her nails.

Gale looked confused. "What's that?"

"The fear of colors."

"How do you know that?" Gale said disbelievingly. Katniss liked _spoons_ and _pink_. How the hell did she know about random phobias? Heck, he hadn't even known that she knew what "phobia" meant. Which is just sad.

"Peeta let me borrow his dictionary!" Katniss said proudly, pulling her trusty Merriam-Webster dictionary out of her pocket. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "The definition of 'pretty' isn't 'Katniss'. Did you know that? We should sue!"

Gale rolled his eyes. Strangely, he wasn't surprised that the definition of 'pretty' wasn't 'Katniss'. Of course, he wasn't going to tell Katniss that. No, that would be suicide. Well, now that he thought about it…maybe it _was_ a good idea. He had been trying to kill himself anyway…

"Is the definition of 'stupid' 'Katniss'?" he asked.

Katniss gasped. Could he really be implying what she thought he was implying? That she was…stupid? Of course, being stupid was better than being ugly, but she never thought _Gale _would call her stupid. She thought he was her friend! Could he really be turning against her?

"No…why would you think that?"

"I was just wondering," Gale said innocently. Gale thought for a moment. "You know, I would tell you I love you, but since I'm supposedly depressed, I'm not."

"Okay," Katniss said. She hadn't really heard a word of what Gale had said—she was too busy wondering whether she was stupid or not.

"You should really cut yourself. It's surprisingly really relaxing," Gale suggested.

Katniss looked at Gale exasperatedly. "No, Gale. Cutting myself would give me scars and everyone knows scars will make me ugly."

Gale pouted.

"I should probably get Peeta if we're going to run away," Katniss said, standing up. "He'll probably want to write a poem about our trip."

Gale glowered (isn't that a pretty word?) at Katniss. "The wimp is coming too?"

Katniss rolled her eyes. "You're not allowed to call him that. You're allowed to call him The Boy with the Bread, The Idiot Who Writes Poems, or even the Screw-Up—actually, I'm pretty sure he calls you that—but I've already told you can't call him "the wimp". It hurts his feelings."

Gale stood up quickly. "I'm going to organize an uprising in District 12 just to make you mad!"

"But Gale! Think about all the makeup you'll lose in an uprising! Think about the makeup!" Katniss gasped.

"No, Katniss. We have to think about the good of the many. Plus, I might be able to accidentally kill Peeta in the uprising!" Gale said cheerfully.

"You're being a suicidal idiot!" Katniss yelled.

"But I'm _always_ a suicidal idiot," Gale pointed out.

"Hmm, good point…"

"Can't you see? They're taking away our freedom! They don't let us do what we want. We're starving while people in the Capitol have so much food! They punish us when we don't do our jobs and they made me watch Barney. That stupid purple dinosaur!" Gale exclaimed.

"Gale—"

"Now I can't get that stupid song out of my head. I love you; you love me; we're a happy family; with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you; won't you say you love me too?" Gale sang while slapping himself. "I can't stop singing it. It's stuck in my head!"

"Gale—"

Gale grabbed Katniss' shoulders and forced her to look at him straight in the eye. "Do you see why I have to do this?" he asked Katniss, shaking her roughly. "They made me watch a _happy purple dinosaur_. I have to have my revenge!"

"Gale—"

"I had a nightmare where Barney tried to kill me with a chainsaw!" Gale exclaimed.

Katniss looked at Gale like he had gone around the bend—which he totally had. "I heard Barney was bad, but is he _that _bad?"

"He tried to kill me with a freaking chainsaw!" Gale started pacing around the small house…thing. "This is why we have to rebel! I won't let them force another innocent person to watch Barney," he proclaimed.

With those words, he ran away from the house, from Katniss. Katniss fell to the ground. She had just lost her best friend in the world, and the pain was worse than anything she had imagined. Why did she feel so lost, so empty?

After a few moments, she realized why.

It was because she had dropped Sue-Mary when she had been arguing with Gale, of course!

She picked up the spoon and immediately felt better.

Katniss looked around the house and saw that Gale had left the spoons behind. She sighed and shook her head. How was he supposed to organize and uprising without spoons? Maybe his nightmares about Barney were messing with his common sense.

Katniss walked back to town, deciding to look for Peeta. She found him sitting near a tree next to his house looking at a piece of paper. Katniss approached him from behind. He didn't notice her. Katniss saw that written on Peeta's piece of paper was "My Plan to Make Katniss Fall in Love with Me". That brand of apples Peeta had told her about!

"Hi, Peeta!" Katniss said cheerfully. Peeta jumped about a foot in the air and shoved the piece of paper into his pocket. "Hi, Katniss," he said nervously.

"Why do you like those apples so much?" Katniss asked.

"What apples?" Peeta was confused.

"That brand of apples that was on your grocery list. My Plan to Make Katniss Fall in Love with Me. Where can I get some?"

"Um…Wal-Mart?" Peeta said hesitantly.

"I'll have to try some soon. Since you always seem to have them on your grocery list. By the way, we're running away soon, so make sure you get your family ready," Katniss said perkily. Before Peeta could question Katniss about what she had meant when she said "running away", Katniss heard a strange noise coming from the square. A whistling, the sound of an impact, the intake of breath from a crowd.

"Oh, I'm just going to go to the square to find out what that noise is even though I have a bad feeling about it. Isn't that a great idea?" Katniss said. Then she proceeded to run to the square quickly (which was very difficult since she was in stilettos).

When Katniss reached the square, it was clear that something was happening, but the crowd was too thick to see through. Katniss tried to force her way through the crowd, but no one would let her through. Finally, she took off her shoes and began poking people with them. She didn't care who she poked or where she poked (in fact, she thought she might have accidentally poked someone's eye), she just wanted to get through the crowd. It worked. People cleared a path for her, afraid of her stilettos.

She finally broke through to the cleared space in the middle of the crowd and gasped. Gale's wrists were bound to a wooden post. His jacket had been cast aside on the ground and his shirt was torn away. He was on his knees, unconscious, held up by the ropes on his wrists. What used to be his back was a raw, bloody slab of meat.

Standing behind him was a man dressed like a Head Peacekeeper. Katniss' thoughts went along the lines of: What the hell is he doing? The picture did not quite come together until she saw what the Peacekeeper was holding…

A silver spoon.

_Why would anyone be hurting Gale with a spoon?_ Katniss wanted to ask Sue-Mary why one of her relatives was being used to hurt Gale. She thought spoons were supposed to be nice!

Then she realized that the object in the man's hand wasn't a spoon.

It was a whip. A long whip.

Oh. Em. Gee.

**AN: Not my best. Probably because I'm not really in the mood to be funny. I know I'm totally overdoing the spoon thing, but I like it. **

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	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Hey, people. The idea for the beginning of this chapter was from BookHunter. So thanks! Haha. I **_**really**_** want a pet spoon now. Maybe I can use it to stab Barney to death. **

"OMG, like, don't hurt him!" Katniss cried and sprang forward. She ran toward the Peacekeeper and Gale with absolutely no idea of how to keep Gale from getting hurt. Because she surely wasn't going to try to get in between Gale and the whip. Then she realized what she was holding in her hand. A _spoon_. She could throw it at the Peacekeeper!

She didn't really think about it—if she had, she probably wouldn't have gone through with it, for fear that Sue-Mary would get hurt. She swung her arm back and threw her pink spoon as hard as she could, aiming for the Peacekeeper's face…

She missed by about five feet.

"Oopsies," she muttered. Well, she had always had terrible aim. Fortunately, Katniss' fail throw had distracted the Peacekeeper for a moment.

"In my power as a friend of a spoon, I command you to stop hurting him!" Katniss exclaimed. She heard a few snickers in the audience. Did they not respect her?

"Who the hell are you?" the Peacekeeper asked. Bundled against the cold, with her braid tucked under her coat, it was hard to identify her as a victor of the Hunger Games.

"I'm a friend of a spoon. Duh. Anyway, you can't hurt Gale, he—" Her speech on why Gale shouldn't be hurt, which was sure to be very…er, convincing, was cut short when Katniss saw Sue-Mary laying on the ground where Katniss had thrown her. Sue-Mary had gotten _dirt _on herself. She looked so small, so sad, so utterly pathetic on the ground. Katniss knew she had to help her up, to comfort her in her time of need. Now Katniss was faced with a choice: help Gale—her extremely injured _human_ friend—or help Sue-Mary—her awesome _pink_ spoon friend.

She picked the spoon.

Of course.

She ran to Sue-Mary, all thoughts of helping Gale forgotten, shoved into the back of her mind. She picked her up, cradling Sue-Mary in her hands gently. "Aww, it's okay, Sue-Mary. You'll be okay," she said soothingly.

Sue-Mary didn't answer, which Katniss took as a good sign.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I shouldn't have thrown you," she said. The Peacekeeper and the people in the square were watching the nutcase who had tried to help a criminal using a _spoon_ with a mix of confusion and amazement. Confused because she was so crazy. Amazed because she had the guts to stand up to a very big, scary dude holding a whip that he wasn't afraid to use.

Actually, in retrospect, that wasn't one of Katniss' best ideas.

But then, she had never been good at coming up with good ideas anyway.

The Peacekeeper was scratching the top of his head, confusion evident on his face. He didn't know whether to keep whipping Gale or start yelling at the girl with the spoon. Should he keep hurting someone or yell at someone? It was such a hard decision! Yelling at people and hurting people were his two favorite hobbies. Well, along with shopping, of course. He couldn't decide. So he just took out a cookie and started eating it. Because cookies make everything better.

"Hold it!" a voice barked. Katniss looked up to see Haymitch making his way through the crowd. When nobody let him through, he sighed. "Move out of the way or I'll start singing Justin Bieber!" he threatened. Everyone let him through after that, afraid that he would find the need to demonstrate his singing abilities.

"What happened?" Haymitch demanded. The Peacekeeper, absorbed in eating the cookie, didn't hear him at first. It wasn't until Haymitch snatched the cookie out of the Peacekeeper's hand that he finally paid attention.

"Hey! Gimme back my cookie!" The Peacekeeper whined.

"Not until you tell me what's going on," Haymitch said exasperatedly. Then he began to eat the cookie himself. The Peacekeeper glared menacingly.

"You're eating my cookie," he said angrily.

"Look, you can have a lollipop as soon as you tell me what's going on!" Haymitch said, holding a lollipop in front of the Peacekeeper tauntingly. The Peacekeeper's eyes were fixated on the lollipop. Haymitch started moving the lollipop back and forth, and it looked like the lollipop was hypnotizing the Peacekeeper. Haymitch made a decision to always carry a lollipop with him. At all times. You never know when a lollipop was going to come in handy.

"She interrupted the punishment of a confessed criminal," the Peacekeeper said dreamily, like he was detached from his actions.

"Will you let Gale go if I give you this lollipop?" Haymitch asked.

"Maybe…" the Peacekepper said hesitantly, still following the lollipop with his eyes.

"Let him go or I'll take the lollipop away."

The Peacekeeper thought about it for a bit. "Okay, as long as I get my lollipop," he said, then shrugged. "Get the boy out of here."

Haymitch handed the Peacekeeper his lollipop. "Yay!" the Peacekeeper squealed.

Haymitch walked over to Gale and shook his shoulder. Still, he would not awake. "Katniss get over here and help me get your friend!" Haymitch yelled. The crowd in the square began to disperse.

"But I'm trying to help Sue-Mary. She's scared," Katniss protested.

"Sue-Mary is an inanimate object!" Haymitch pointed out.

Katniss gasped. "How dare you insult my best friend!"

"Do you even know what inanimate means?" Haymitch retorted.

"No, but it sounds bad."

"Help with Gale," Haymitch said.

"I dunno…you can probably wake him up if you poke him," Katniss suggested.

Haymitch decided that it was worth a try. He poked Gale…right in the bloodiest section of his back. Gale regained consciousness, gasping. "Barney was whipping me!" he exclaimed with a wild look in his eyes.

"It wasn't Barney. It was a Peacekeeper," Haymitch replied impatiently.

"No, it was Barney! He's out to get me. He knows where I live!" Gale cried.

"Barney isn't out to get you!"

"Yes he is! He's in my nightmares!"

Suddenly, Gale was pulled into a flashback.

_A Peacekeeper was holding him by the back of his shirt. He had caught Gale being lazy on the job. He had stopped mining to go off in his emo corner and cut himself. He thought that was _much_ more productive. Apparently, they didn't think so._

"_Come with me," the Peacekeeper who had caught him had said._

"_But I'm having an emo moment!" Gale had protested._

_The Peacekeeper hadn't seemed to care because he dragged Gale to the Justice Building where some other Peacekeepers were gathered. Gale vaguely realized that he didn't recognize these people. The Capitol must have sent them. _

"_This guy wasn't doing his job," the Peacekeeper who had found Gale (Gale named him Mr. Flufflebunny in his head) said to the Peacekeeper who was in charge (Gale decided to call him Rob). _

_Rob looked at Gale's arms, which had cuts on them, and seemed to understand what Gale had been doing instead of his job. "We have to punish him," Rob said._

"_How? Should we just whip him multiple times?" Mr. Flufflebunny asked._

"_I think he deserves a worse torture than that," Rob said, grinning evilly._

"_Ah, Bieber, Barney, or Miley?" Mr. Flufflebunny said._

"_Well, we've already got people going through the Bieber and Miley tortures. So let's put him through the Barney torture."_

_Mr. Flufflebunny licked his lips. "Good."_

"_Uh…what's the Barney torture? Why does it sound so bad?" Gale asked, scared out of his mind. _

"_You're _really_ going to like this," Rob assured Gale. Somehow, he didn't feel any better._

_Mr. Flufflebunny, who still had a hold on Gale, led him into a room. In it was an old leather couch facing a television. There was a coffee table in the middle of the room and a rug underneath the table. It seemed like a very innocent room. Not a place where torture took place. Mr. Flufflebunny forced Gale to sit down on the couch. Gale was just thinking about how Rob and Mr. Flufflebunny would make such a cute couple when Mr. Flufflebunny turned the TV on. Rob and Mr. Flufflebunny smiled at each other._

"_Enjoy," Rob said to Gale. The two Peacekeepers left the room, leaving Gale to face unmentionable horrors on his own. Gale turned to the TV. It couldn't be that bad, could it? It was just a TV. They weren't even hurting him._

_Oh, it was bad all right._

_Fifteen minutes later, Gale started screaming. The Peacekeepers ran back into the room. Gale was covering his ears to block out the sound coming from the TV._

"_Shut up, Barney! I don't love you!" he screamed. "You're just a creeper who touches children! You're taking over the brains of innocent kids!"_

"_Well, I didn't think he would react this badly…" Rob said to himself._

"_Shut up, you freaking purple dinosaur. I don't want to be happy!" Gale screamed, even louder than before. He began running around the room, occasionally stopping to bang his head against a wall. "You'll never take my soul, Barney! Never!"_

"_Shit…" Rob muttered._

"_I hate you! You should drown in radioactive waste then get sparklified by Edward Cullen himself!" Gale screamed at the TV. He started slapping the TV, as if hoping that he was hurting Barney. _

_Mr. Flufflebunny raised his eyebrows. "Nah, he doesn't need therapy at all."_

**AN: Have any of you read the Dark Visions trilogy? I'm rereading it now. I don't like the characters very much (except for Gabriel—obviously) but the plot is cool. **

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	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Hey! I got bitten by mosquitoes repeatedly (and all I did was go outside for 30 minutes—that's southern Texas in the summer for ya) and now my bites itch. And I can't stop scratching them. Grrr. This is annoying. But you didn't need to know that, huh? **

After Gale had the amazing flashback, he promptly fell back into unconsciousness.

"Gale, we gotta get you back to my house," Katniss said, kicking Gale with her stiletto-clad foot. She had put her shoes back on after she had finished consoling Sue-Mary. How she expected to get Gale back to her house quickly in 6-inch heels, we'll never know. But that was her problem.

"What happened?" Haymitch asked Gale.

Gale, still unconscious, didn't answer.

How rude.

"Sue-Mary, can you read Gale's mind and tell us what happened?" Katniss asked the pink spoon.

Sue-Mary didn't answer.

First Gale and now Sue-Mary? Why was everyone so _rude _today? It wasn't like they didn't have the ability to _talk_, with Gale being unconscious and Sue-Mary not having a mouth. They could still talk like that! Well, Katniss thought so anyway.

Peeta came running up to Katniss. "What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"Gale is unconscious," Haymitch replied.

"Have you tried poking him yet?" Peeta asked.

"Duh, that was the first thing we tried," Katniss answered.

"I'm just going to ask around to see if anyone knows what happened to Gale," Haymitch said. He walked away, humming a song under his breath. Waking Up in Vegas.

Peeta took out a piece of paper from his pocket and a pen. He checked something off on the piece of paper. "Well, that's done."

Katniss peeked over his shoulder. The piece of paper was Peeta's grocery list. The one where Peeta had that brand of apples written. The name of the brand seemed to be a title and underneath it was what seemed to be a list, numbered one through ten. Peeta had put a check next to number one. Katniss read what it said. "Find a way to get Gale out of the picture. Maybe dye his hair pink." Peeta didn't even bother to hide the list from her. He knew that he could just feed her any lies he wanted to and she would believe it. Sometimes, he had trouble distinguishing between Katniss and Sue-Mary. They were both pink spoons.

"Peeta, what's the list for?" Katniss asked, no idea that Peeta was trying to win her over and the list of steps for doing so was what he had tried to pass off as his "grocery list".

"Oh, they're just…um…different colors of…um…apples," Peeta said absentmindedly, trying to decide if he should poke Gale with a big stick or not. Katniss would believe anything he said, so why waste time thinking of an actual believable lie?

"Okay! Is 'Find a way to get Gale out of the picture. Maybe dye his hair pink.' a pretty color?" Katniss asked.

"It's almost as pretty as pink!" Peeta said, playing along.

Katniss gasped. "It must be really pretty then," she said seriously.

Before Peeta could tell Katniss anything else that anyone with even half a brain (Katniss had about a fourth of a brain) could tell was a lie which Katniss would believe was the truth, Haymitch came back.

"Okay, I found out what happened to Gale. He went to Cray's house to give him the turkey that he caught. Cray wasn't there and we have a new Head Peacekeeper. Gale told the Peacekeeper that he smelled like a dead animal and that he was creepier than Barney. So the guy put Gale under immediate arrest for insulting him and started whipping him. He'd been lashed at least 40 times and passed out around 30."

Katniss had a confused expression on her face. "So he didn't get whipped for the hunting? He got whipped for comparing the Peacekeeper to Barney?"

On the ground, Gale shuddered. Had he heard that?

"Well, comparing someone to Barney is very insulting, you know," Haymitch said. He began dragging Gale to Katniss' house, not caring that dirt would get into Gale's wounds and they would probably get infected. He just wanted to get this over with so that he could go home and listen to Justin Bieber. Psh, it wasn't weird for a grown male adult to enjoy listening to Justin Bieber.

It wasn't weird at all.

At least, that was what Haymitch told himself when he found himself singing along to One Less Lonely Girl.

It took about an hour for Haymitch to get Gale to Katniss' house. He knocked on the door (as Peeta was too busy composing a poem and Katniss was putting on makeup) and Katniss' mother opened it.

"Gale got hurt," Haymitch said. Way to state the obvious.

"Okay, bring him in. I can help him," Katniss' mother replied.

Katniss frowned. "Why does everyone keep worrying about _Gale_? I ran out of nail polish and nobody cares about _me,_" she complained.

"Katniss, honey, I'm sure your problem is very important to you, but right now, Gale needs more help than you do," her mom answered, clearing the table. Sadly, she was taking all of Katniss' makeup off of it as well. She poured water from a kettle into a basin and ordered Prim to pull a series of remedies from her medicine cabinet. Gale was hoisted onto the table by Haymitch. Katniss' mother began preparing some remedies.

Katniss' mother took another look at Gale. "I think I can save him," she declared. Ever so gently, she began to clean the mutilated flesh on Gale's back. Hazelle arrived, fresh snow covering her hair. Katniss wondered how she could stand to have her hair look so ugly. Katniss' hair always looked impeccable…ish. Except that one time she had gotten blood on it. Katniss shuddered at the memory.

Katniss watched her mother as she worked. It took a long time to clean the wounds, arrange what shredded skin could be saved, and apply a salve and a light bandage. Seeing all the blood made Katniss feel sick to her stomach. Sure, she had seen a lot of blood during the Games, but she had just pretended that it was paint.

This, clearly, was not paint.

As the final bandages were being placed, a moan escaped Gale's lips. He whispered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Barney must die." Katniss' mother and Prim were going through their meager store of painkillers.

"We can't use the strongest ones for him," Katniss' mother muttered to herself. She decided on an herbal concoction that could be taken by mouth. "I think the nicest thing we can do for him is to not mention Barney around him," she said, looking at everyone in the room.

Gale mumbled something. "Must kill Barney."

The doorbell rang suddenly. "I'll get it. It might be the guy who's delivering the makeup I ordered!" Katniss said brightly, her tone of voice a stark contrast to the tense atmosphere in the room. Katniss ran toward the door and opened it. To her disappointment, it was not a deliveryman after all. It was just Madge.

She was covered in snow and had a large bandage on her forehead. Her arm was in a sling. Her face looked bruised. In spite of all that, she looked quite cheerful.

"Hi, Katniss!" she said brightly. If her arm hadn't been in a sling, Katniss was sure she would have tried to hug her. Katniss noticed that Madge was holding a small cardboard box in her hand. "Is Gale here?" she asked, trying to peer over Katniss' shoulder.

Katniss sighed. "Are you trying to stalk him again?"

"Oh, puh-_leeze_." Madge rolled her eyes. "I'm _always_ stalking him."

"I thought you would've died in the woods," Katniss said to Madge.

"Nah. A bear attacked me and I was supposed to stay in bed, but I couldn't keep away from my Gale," Madge replied. Katniss could swear there were little hearts in her eyes and she had a lovesick expression on her face. She always looked like that when 1) talking to Gale 2) seeing Gale 3) talking about Gale or 4) trying to steal Gale's underwear from his room.

Yep, she was crazy.

She held out the cardboard box to Katniss. "Here, I stole these from your room. Use these for Gale," she explained. "And I didn't put anything in them that will make Gale fall in love with me. I tried to, but it would be too noticeable."

"Um…thanks?" Katniss said hesitantly.

"I'm building a shrine to Gale in my room. Do you want to see it sometime?" Madge said hopefully.

"Um…"

But Madge didn't give Katniss time to say no. "The centerpiece is one of Gale's shirts. It smells just like him! I go to bed with it every night!" Madge said excitedly.

"How did you get one of Gale's shirts?"

"Oh, I sneaked into his room when he wasn't looking and stole it," Madge said, smiling. She turned around. Then she ran away. Just like that.

Well, maybe not "_just like that"._

When she was a few feet away from the house, she suddenly turned around and yelled, "I LOVE YOU, GALE!"

Katniss walked back into the kitchen, shaking her head in pity for Madge and her unrequited love. Everyone was still gathered around Gale. Gosh, Gale was _such_ an attention-whore.

"You have very strange friends," Katniss' mother said.

"Yep. They're even weirder than _I _am," Katniss laughed.

Nobody replied.

Katniss gave her mother the cardboard box. "Madge told me to use these on Gale," she said. Her mother opened the box and saw half a dozen vials of clear liquid. She filled a syringe with the clear liquid from one of the vials and shot it into Gale's arm. Almost immediately, his face began to relax. Apparently, he wasn't thinking about Barney. Because he definitely wouldn't be relaxed when thinking about the purple dinosaur.

"What is that stuff?" Peeta asked.

"It's morphling. It relieves pain," Katniss' mother explained quietly.

Because Gale looked better, everyone seemed to deflate (not literally—that would be weird). Everyone except Katniss left the room, leaving Katniss to tend to Gale. Not that Katniss would actually tend to him. Knowing her, Gale would probably wake up with makeup on his face.

Alone in the kitchen with Gale, Katniss sat on Hazelle's stool, holding Gale's hand. After a while, Katniss began touching parts of him she had never had cause to touch before.

No, not like that.

Hehe, that could totally be taken sexually.

Her fingers found his face and traced his eyebrows, the curve of his cheek, the line of his nose, the hollow at the base of his neck. And finally, her fingers found his lips. They were slightly chapped. _He really needs to do something to fix that_, she thought.

And that was when Katniss realized it. He was hers and she was his.

Anything else was unthinkable.

_Wait, if he's mine, can I give him a makeover_, she asked herself. She decided that the answer to her own question was "yes".

Sitting next to Gale, holding his hand, touching his face made her understand something. Her second shocking realization of the night. She was on a roll!

She couldn't leave. She couldn't—wouldn't—run away from all this.

She had three reasons for deciding this:

1) She couldn't leave everyone and everything behind.

2) It would take _way_ too much work to plan everything

3) If she stayed, she might be able to give Gale a makeover and

4) Makeovers were fun!

Katniss was aware that was more than three reasons, but she didn't care. She was just awesome that way. Those were very good reasons!

And yeah, if she stayed, she would have to take part in the rebellion, but that was a price she was willing to pay. Besides, it could even be fun. She could just put on makeup and boss people around and…er, supervise everyone else while they did all the work. Genius!

Suddenly, Gale's eyelashes fluttered and he looked at her with his gray eyes. "Hey, Catnip," he said.

"Hey, Gale" she replied.

"Did Barney die yet?" he asked, hope in his eyes.

"No, I'm sorry." Katniss was sorry she had to crush Gale's hopes and dreams.

"Damn that purple pedophile dinosaur," he said. He managed a frown before the drugs pulled him back under.

**AN: That wasn't too funny. I just couldn't think of a way to make the situation very humorous. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. I never thought this story would get this many reviews. Over 180 reviews? That's awesome. This calls for a celebration! *puts iPod on speaker and plays random Paramore songs loudly* **

**Review?**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Hey! I just realized something. I fail at Mario Kart. DIE, LUIGI DIE! Sorry, I was just playing Balloon Battle and he keeps freaking hitting me and stealing my freaking balloons. YOU'RE GOING DOWN, LUIGI! *breathes* Sorry about that. I know I just updated this on Monday, but I felt like updating again, so there. Does anyone know when Mockingjay comes out in the U.S.? Because I keep forgetting and I don't feel like looking it up. I'll probably just pre-order it on Amazon like I did with Catching Fire. **

Someone gave Katniss' shoulder a shake and she sat up. She had fallen asleep with her head on the table, a line of drool connecting her mouth to the mahogany wood of its smooth surface. She smelled fresh bread and looked up to see Peeta looking down at her with a sad expression. Was he trying to be depressed like Gale? Fail!

"Alkfjalidsufoi?" Katniss muttered oh-so-coherently. It took a while for her brain to turn on after she just woke up. After fifteen minutes, her brain had fully turned on—well, as much as it would ever be.

"Hi, Peeta!" Katniss said brightly, rubbing her eyes.

"You can go to bed now. I'll look after him," Peeta said.

Katniss looked at Peeta suspiciously. Since when had he wanted to help Gale? "Are you going to do something to him?"

"Psh, no, of course not. Why would you think that?" Peeta said with a laugh. "I'm just going to keep working on my grocery list…" Peeta smiled.

Katniss looked right into Peeta's eyes, as if hoping that if she did that, she could tell if he was lying or not. Considering the many times he had already lied to her without her noticing, the chances of Katniss being able to catch Peeta in a lie were very slim indeed.

"Are you sure?" she asked Peeta, raising her eyebrows.

"Of course!" Peeta answered reassuringly. Katniss began walking upstairs to go back to bed. When she was out of earshot, Peeta muttered to himself, "I have to plan first." Peeta looked at Gale's hair and wondered what it would look like if it was a different color…

Not that he was planning anything like that, of course.

At least, that's what he claimed.

Katniss went up to her room, trying to fall asleep. But her dreams were plagued by nightmares. Scenes from the Games ran through her mind, making her relive those bad memories. The muttations. Blood, so much blood. Losing her tube of lipstick. Katniss shuddered at that.

She realized that she wouldn't be able to fall asleep with all the nightmares. Well, she was as bored as heck, so…

She decided to go out into the blizzard outside.

That was probably her ten millionth bad choice in the past few weeks.

She got her coat and ran out the front door before Peeta could ask her any questions. That turned out to be completely unnecessary because Peeta was too busy plotting—um…writing his grocery list—to notice anything.

It was only after Katniss was outside her house that she realized that she had no idea where she should go. Usually, she would go to Gale's house to try to annoy him to death but now that Gale was at her house, she couldn't. Of course, she could always just go back inside where it was _warm_, but Katniss had a strange feeling. She felt like she was on a _mission_. She had no idea why she felt like that—she just did. Of course, she had no idea what that mission _was, _but that didn't matter. So she walked around the Victor's Village aimlessly, pretending that she had a purpose.

That was when she was struck with her bestest idea yet.

She could go to Madge's house!

That was what Katniss considered a good idea.

She walked to Madge's house and knocked on the door. Madge opened it almost immediately. Her cheeks were pink and she had a wide smile on her face. She looked excited when she saw Katniss.

"Hey, you're just in time!" she exclaimed, grabbing Katniss' hand and dragging her inside. Katniss shrugged and followed her.

"What am I just in time for?" she asked.

"The third meeting of the I Love Gale Club!" Madge replied. "I'm trying to get people from school and we'll get together once every month to talk about Gale. Of course, so far, the only members are my stuffed animals and me, but I'm hoping to get more members soon!"

"You made an I Love Gale Club?" Katniss asked in disbelief. Maybe _she_ could start an I Love Makeup Club.

Madge dragged Katniss to her room. All of Madge's stuffed animals were arranged in a circle around a black t-shirt on Madge's bed. Madge took her place in the circle and motioned for Katniss to sit next to her. Katniss complied, looking at the shirt. She had seen that shirt before, she was sure of it. But where?

And that was when she remembered.

"Hey, isn't that Gale's shirt?" Katniss asked Madge.

Madge giggled. "You noticed, huh? I snuck into his room and stole it. It was so damn awesome!"

Flashback

_Madge opened the door to Gale's room slowly so that no one would hear her sneaking into his room. That would totally ruin her plan, which consisted of three very simple steps:_

_1) Sneak into Gale's room._

_2) Steal Gale's shirt. _

_3) Leave._

_Genius, no?_

_His room wasn't very neat. She walked over to his dresser and opened a drawer. He didn't have much in it. Just a few shirts. All of them were black. Madge was trying to decide which one she should steal when she heard footsteps approaching the room. Oh, NO! _

"_I need to get something! Wait for me!" the person who was approaching the room called out to someone else. It was Gale's voice. Madge had to get out of there fast, unless she wanted Gale to think she was a creepy stalker. Well, she _was_ a creepy stalker, but she didn't want Gale to think that. That would just ruin her chances with him. _

_Gale was turning the doorknob. Madge was beginning to panic. What the hell was she going to do? She looked around the room and saw his window. She ran toward it, throwing it open in a surprisingly short amount of time. She then proceeded to jump out the window._

_She had escaped. _

_And that was the end of Madge's amazing adventure._

End Flashback

"You snuck into his room?" Katniss asked.

"How else was I supposed to steal something of his?" Madge replied. "I want you to meet the members of the club," Madge said, gesturing to the stuffed animals. She pointed at a small stuffed penguin. "That's Penguina." She pointed to a lion. "Oorgh." A snake. "Mrs. Fa-Fa." And a cat. "Biddypoo."

"Um…hi?" Katniss said hesitantly.

"Penguina, Oorgh, Mrs. Fa-Fa, and Biddypoo, say hi to Katniss," Madge said, her hands on her hips.

They said nothing.

"Ugh, it's so hard trying to get them to talk," Madge complained.

"So, what do you do here?" Katniss asked, curious.

"Well, first we chant our motto over and over again to remind ourselves of our ultimate goal," Madge replied matter-of-factly.

"And what _is_ your motto?"

"We love Gale," Madge said simply.

"That's it?" Katniss asked, hoping for more.

"Yep!"

"You didn't even say anything about makeup. So it sucks!" Katniss declared.

Madge pouted. "But we like it."

Katniss sighed. "What else do you do here?"

"We…talk about Gale," Madge said.

"So…talk about him." Katniss sat back and began putting on lipstick.

"He's soooooo hot and loyal. Plus he's sooooooo mysterious and smexy. And he has emo hair which is sooooooo hot. Plus, he's emo which is soooooo in these days. Did I mention he's hot? I don't think I did," Madge gushed, sighing in pleasure when she thought about Gale. His hair, his eyes, his lips, everything about him made her smile.

"Is it lonely not having anyone to talk about Gale with?" Katniss asked.

"Well, I can talk about him with my stuffed animals," Madge said defensively.

"But do they answer?"

"Well…no. But they're really good listeners," she said.

"Mmmhmmm," Katniss mumbled.

"Guess what we're planning to do next!" Madge yelled. "We're going to sneak into Gale's room again, but this time we're going to leave a note that will tell him how much we love him. And of course, we're going to take something. Do you wanna come?" Madge looked at Katniss hopefully.

"What are you going to steal?"

"Probably some of his hair and his underwear. We're making a shrine to Gale!" Madge gestured to what looked like a pile of random crap in the corner of her room. There were a couple of shirts, a pair of shoes, and what looked like some lumps of coal. Madge saw Katniss looking at the lumps of coal and explained," Gale touched those lumps of coal when he was mining. The shrine will look a lot better when I'm done with it. You should totally help! You're Gale's best friend! You must know everything about him!"

"Um…look at the time! I have to leave," Katniss said, suddenly uncomfortable.

"Does Gale love me like I love him? If I asked him to marry me, would he?" Madge demanded.

Katniss began backing out of Madge's room very, very slowly. Heck, this was almost as scary as the time she had thought her lip gloss had been stolen. It turned out Gale had eaten it on a dare. Maybe Katniss should tell Madge about that. That would certainly make Madge stop obsessing over him, right? Maybe Madge wouldn't like Gale anymore if Katniss told her about all the embarrassing things he had done in the past… Katniss began trying to think of some. Letting Katniss think wasn't a very good idea.

"TELL ME IF HE LOVES ME OR NOT!" Madge screamed.

Well, on second thought, maybe it was best to just get the heck out of there before Madge started asking her about every little thing about Gale.

"Bye, Madge!" she said as she ran out the front door and back into the blizzard.

How did she find such a weird friend?

**AN: Haha…hope it isn't too suckish. I like the I Love Gale Club. It would be awesome if I could get to 200 reviews by the next time I update. **

**Review?**


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Heh, I guess I just don't feel like updating anything else this week… (For those of you who read my other stories, I'm pretty sure I'll update some of them next week—Nameless, definitely) Awesome. Over 200 reviews? That makes me smile. Have any of you heard Break by Three Days Grace? One of the lines of the song is "At night, I feel like a vampire." Whenever I hear that, I can't help thinking, "What? You feel sparkly and buh-yoo-tiful?" Not beautiful. Buh-yoo-tiful. Because that's just how I imagine Bella saying it. The random fact is from Penelope Wendy Bing. MixedAddict pointed out something really important. This book has 27 chapters, not 21. In my defense, the 7 looks a whole lot like a 1. So this story will have 54 chapters. I feel sorry for myself.**

As Katniss was walking back to her house, she began thinking about her decision to stay and fight in the rebellion. Katniss had been almost sane talking to Madge and she had used up all the sanity she had for the day. Katniss + trying to think = tears and possible mental trauma.

She realized that there would be consequences to pay for going against the Capitol. So she made a handy-dandy list to keep all of them straight. Presenting… Katniss's Handy-Dandy List of Consequences (creative title, no?):

1) Peacekeepers could come and get her at any time. They might torture her, maybe even kill her. Probably in some painful way. Said painful way could make her _ugly_. The thought of being ugly right before death was…unbearable.

2) Her family could suffer the same fate as her. Did this one really belong on this list? Katniss didn't really care about her family. She just added this consequence on the list because that lady Suzanne Collins put it in the book.

3) She could lose all her makeup—the Capitol people could take it away at any minute.

4) If she died, she wouldn't be able to give Gale a makeover.

And:

5) Makeovers were fun!

It seemed like she kept ending her lists with that. Oh, well. Was she ready to sacrifice everything she'd ever known for a rebellion? What would she gain from it?

She began to ask Sue-Mary for the answer (because of course, an inanimate object would know the answer better than her), but then she realized that in her rush to go outside into a freaking _blizzard_, she had forgotten to bring Sue-Mary with her. Poor, poor Sue-Mary, who was all alone in Katniss' room with no one to talk to. Katniss was ashamed of herself for being such a bad BFF to her spoon. What good friend abandons another?

She ran back to her house, grateful that this particular thinking session hadn't ended in tears. Then she had another thought: OMG, Peeta talks a lot. He can totally make people participate in a rebellion if he wanted to!

The fact that she had actually thought of a good idea made her feel _pink_ all over. So when she ran inside, she was practically glowing pink. Neon pink, not dark pink. Because Katniss believed that neon pink was the bestest shade of pink. Katniss burst through the door and didn't pause to see how Gale was doing. She ran up to her room and, seeing that Sue-Mary was still sitting next to Katniss' bed and hadn't run away like Gale's pet rock Pete had, she picked Sue-Mary up and ran downstairs, ready to face anyone because her spoony companion was at her side. And surely Sue-Mary wouldn't let anyone hurt Katniss.

Her logic was deeply flawed, but it sure was funny.

Downstairs, she found her mother and Prim tending to a subdued Gale. "Can't you, like, give him another shot?" Katniss asked them.

"We'll try the snow coat first," her mother replied.

Katniss widened her eyes. "You're gonna give him a coat made out of snow? I want one!"

"No, Katniss, it's not _literally_ a coat of snow," her mother said patiently. She had a lot of practice dealing with Katniss. She laid a clean cloth across Gale's back and nodded to Prim.

Prim came over, stirring what appeared to be a large bowl of snow, but it was light green and gave off a clean, sweet scent. She began carefully ladling the stuff onto Gale's back.

"Ew, _that's _a snow coat? That won't start a fashion craze at all," Katniss said in disgust.

"Twelve or more cows are known as a 'flink'," Prim said randomly while staring at Katniss creepily.

"That's great, Prim," Katniss said absentmindedly.

The next two days were the most boring two days of Katniss' life. The storm took two days to blow itself out. She was so bored that she had taken to poking Gale with Sue-Mary. At the first chance she got, she called Peeta to see if he wanted to go into town with her. They dragged Haymitch along with them—he was singing Hannah Montana songs all the while—because they knew they had to talk about what happened. Well, Haymitch and Peeta knew. Katniss just wanted Sue-Mary to meet Peeta and Haymitch formally. She was sure Sue-Mary already knew who they were, but she had never been properly introduced.

"Sue-Mary, meet Peeta," Katniss gestured to Peeta, "and Haymitch." Katniss gestured to Haymitch. "You two say hi to Sue-Mary," she demanded.

There was silence.

"Gosh, people are so rude," she complained.

"So, Katniss…is there something you wanted to tell us?" Peeta asked.

"Um…oh right! I want to start an uprising!" Katniss said brightly. Her happiness really made Peeta and Haymitch wonder if Katniss knew that people could be _killed_ in an uprising. But knowing Katniss, she wouldn't care unless her precious makeup was in danger.

"It won't work," Haymitch declared, and then went back to singing Tik Tok by Ke$ha. Katniss briefly wondered how you were supposed to pronounce her name. Was he pronounced like "Kesha" or like "Cash-a"? Those were the questions that haunted her.

They had walked into the square while they had been talking without noticing. Katniss suddenly looked up and saw her surroundings for the first time. The square had been transformed. A huge banner with the seal of Panem—what surprised Katniss was that it wasn't actually a seal, like the animal—hung from the roof of the Justice Building. There were Peacekeepers in pristine white uniforms, which Katniss thought were total fashion disasters but even she knew not to tell them so. That might mean death for her. Peacekeepers were very sensitive about their uniforms. Anyone who wore uniforms that ugly would have to be. There was an official whipping post, several stockades, and a gallows set up in the center of the square.

Some streets away from the square, Katniss saw a flare go up. Katniss knew that it was the Hob going up in smoke. Either that or Gale had gotten better in a surprisingly short amount of time, had found someone wearing a Barney costume, and was trying to burn the costume with the person still in it.

Katniss didn't know why, but the first option seemed a lot more likely.

"Do you think anyone was still in the Hob?" Katniss asked worriedly.

"I think everyone's smart enough to get out," Peeta reassured her.

"Not everyone is as stupid as you, Katniss," Haymitch mumbled, but Katniss didn't hear him. "I'm going to go get some more alcohol. I would invite you two along, but you're still underage," Haymitch declared, walking off. It would've been a nice exit except for the fact that Haymitch was so drunk that he walked right into a tree and promptly fell down.

He got up again. "I'm okay!" he said even though no one had asked him about his state of health. He drunkenly got up and walked away into the nonexistent sunset. Katniss just thought it would've been a lot more dramatic if there had been a sunset. Hmmm, was there a way to make an artificial sunset?

"Is there even a legal drinking age in Panem?" Katniss asked Peeta.

He shrugged. "How should I know?"

"I'm going to go see Hazelle to see if she has any of that eyeliner I wanted. Do you want to come, Peeta?" Katniss asked.

"Sure. It's not like I have anything better to do!" And so Katniss and Peeta went gallivanting off into the, once again, nonexistent sunset like every storybook couple would at the end of a happy story. Except, you know, they weren't even dating. Other than that, it was _exactly_ the same!

Katniss and Peeta found Hazelle in her house, nursing a very sick Posy. "I couldn't leave her," Hazelle said. "How's Gale?"

"He's better. I might even be able to give him a makeover soon!" Katniss said excitedly.

Hazelle ignored the makeover comment and said, "Well, he might not be able to go back to the mines for a while. They've been closed down until further notice."

"Yay! Now maybe everyone will stop going around with dust in their clothes!" With those words, Katniss left, dragging Peeta with her.

"Bye, Peeta," Katniss said, walking away.

"Aren't you going to listen to the poem I wrote for you?" Peeta asked hopefully.

"Nah, I don't feel like it." Katniss continued walking away from Peeta.

"Um…we're supposed to be going the same direction. Your house is next to mine," Peeta pointed out, as Katniss was going the wrong direction—walking away from her house instead of toward it.

Katniss blushed. "Right, I knew that."

As the days passed, things went from bad to worse. The mines stayed closed for two weeks. Food shortages began and even people with money sometimes couldn't get enough. When the mines reopened, wages were cut and hours were extended. People were dragged into the square and punished for crimes so long overlooked that the residents of District 12 had forgotten they were illegal.

But most importantly of all, to Katniss at least, no new shipments of makeup came in from the Capitol. When Katniss found out, she had shut herself in her room for 3 days, only coming out to get food, use the bathroom, take baths, and give Sue-Mary baths.

Apparently, Sue-Mary preferred baths in warm water and hated cold showers.

How Katniss knew that, we'll never know.

Gale went home with no more talk of rebellion. Katniss didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Katniss felt like a pariah when she walked through the streets. People avoided her like the plague. At first she thought that it was because she looked so ugly with less makeup on, but dismissed the thought immediately because she still looked "hawt" without it. Surely. A steady supply of ill and injured people was brought to Katniss' house for her mother to treat. She even had to stop charging for her services, and her supply of remedies was rapidly depleting.

One morning, Katniss decided to just go into the woods. Her house was just too crowded with the sick and dying that she had to go somewhere else to apply makeup (because of course Katniss wasn't going into the woods to hunt). Katniss planned to be back soon though. Effie had sent over a crate of wedding dresses for her to try on. Katniss had no idea why President Snow planned to go through with it, but the dresses sure were pretty.

Slinking along side streets and back alleys (careful not to get her clothes dirty), she made her way to the weak spot in the fence closest to Rooba the butcher's. She snuck under the fence, not caring who saw her footprints.

Katniss was determined to get to the lake. She had a stash of makeup in the house there and she wanted to get to it. Once she got there, she was so exhausted that she didn't notice the signs—not that she would've noticed even if she had been in a better state. There was a thin stream of smoke from the chimney, the indentations of recent footprints, and the smell of steaming pine needles. When she finally did notice, she thought that maybe some spoons had taken up residence in the small house. Ooh, maybe she and Sue-Mary could become friends with them!

Suddenly, she heard the unmistakable click of a weapon behind her. She turned around quickly and saw the white Peacekeeper uniform, the pointed chin, the light brown eyes. But the weapon was dropped immediately and the unarmed woman held out something to Katniss in her gloved hand.

"Stop!" she cried.

Then Katniss saw the object in the glove. It was a small white circle of flat bread. An image was clearly stamped in the center of it.

It was her mockingjay.

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

Did they think _she_ was a mockingjay?

Gosh, people are so _blind._

**AN: I admit it, not very funny. The story as 1/3 over, I think. **

**Review?**


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: I didn't feel like writing. So I basically forced myself to write this. That's not going to turn out very well… Since I'm rereading Catching Fire as I write this, I finally remember why I was undecided between Gale and Peeta for so long (about a year, actually). I like Gale more, personally, but I have to admit Katniss is cute with Peeta. You know who my favorite character is? Finnick. Not because his name cracks me up (though it does—reminds me of Fnick) or because of his looks. It's because I get to Google cheesy pick-up lines for him to use in this story and those make me laugh. Are there any that you want me to use?**

It made no sense. Katniss' bird baked into bread. Were they trying to start a new fashion trend for bread? Make a fashion statement? Start a new line of mockingjay-related bread? Maybe Katniss could start a new business specializing in making bread with mockingjays on it. Maybe she could employ cows! They would probably make good workers. A cow that has a name gives 22 more liters more milk a year than a nameless cow! She had no idea how she knew that, but she suspected that Prim had told her. She could see it now…Katniss Everdeen, CEO.

What an exciting prospect!

"Can I steal your idea?" Katniss asked the woman with the bread in her hand.

"Um…what do you mean?" she asked.

"I want to make a new line of bread with mockingjays on it. I think I could start a new trend!" Katniss said happily.

"It just means we're on your side," the woman answered confusedly. Sure, she had heard about Katniss, but she had never expected her to be this bad. You'd think a victor of the Hunger Games would be brave, clever, and definitely _not_ ditzy, right? Katniss was the opposite of those things. What had she done? Threatened everyone with makeovers and made them run away screaming for their mommies? Hit everyone with spoons until they died of laughter? It seemed that the cameras had never shown how Katniss had actually killed people. It was like the Capitol was hiding something from the general public. They had only known that those people Katniss killed had been killed, not_ how_ they had been killed.

"On my side? You're going to help me spread the joys of makeup across the world?" Maybe there were people who understood her! It was about time someone realized how awesome her ideas were. They were awesomer than…um… (Katniss tried to quickly think of something, but pretty much failed).

There was a step and a dragging sound. Another woman, or girl, since she was about Katniss' age, limped into view. She was dressed in an ill-fitting Peacekeer's uniform. It was too big for her slight frame. Katniss wanted to get the girl a new outfit because the absolute ugliness of the uniform was slowly blinding her. In fact, she could feel it now. Oh, wait, that was just dust in her eye. She brushed it away hurriedly (because dust so didn't match her outfit) and saw that the girl's hands were occupied with steadying a rough crutch made from a broken branch. The toe of her right foot couldn't clear the snow.

Her eyes were bright red from cold. Her teeth were crooked and there was a strawberry birthmark over one of her chocolate brown eyes. She wasn't a Peacekeeper. Katniss smiled, glad that at least the girl didn't have to wear the uniform on a regular basis. She was in desperate need of a makeover though. And maybe a pet spoon! Pet spoons could cheer up anybody's day. Maybe Katniss should start a company that made pet spoons too! There would be an assortment of colors to choose from—but most of the spoons would be pink, of course. Katniss even had a plan thought out too! That plan had one very simple step: Ask Peeta and Haymitch to write a plan. People should keel over from the sheer brilliancy of it.

"Who are you people?" Katniss asked.

"My name's Twill," said the woman. She looked about 35 or so. "And this is Bonnie. We've run away from District 8." Ooh, they must know about the uprising then!

"Do you have any spoons left over from the uprising? They'd be, like, celebrities in the spoon world," Katniss said excitedly.

"Um…no?" Bonnie answered.

"Why did you steal such ugly uniforms?" Katniss asked, poking Twill with Sue-Mary.

"All of them kind of looked the same," Bonnie replied.

"Couldn't you have dyed it…I dunno, pink?"

"We didn't have any dye available."

"Oh, don't worry, I have some!" Katniss offered, pulling out a bottle of bright pink dye from her pocket. Bonnie and Twill looked at it warily.

"Um, I'll pass," Twill said.

"Same," Bonnie agreed.

Katniss was slightly insulted, but since she was used to people underestimating the power of pink, she wasn't too affected. She knew that they soon would bow down to her genius anyway.

"So where are you going now?" Katniss asked them. "The Capitol? Because if you are, can you tell them to hurry the heck up and deliver my makeup down here?"

"We're not exactly headed there…" Twill said. _Because we're probably going to get captured and put through unspeakable tortures there_, she added in her mind. _I heard they're using the Barney torture again. _She shuddered.

"So where are you going?" Katniss asked.

"District 13," Twill replied.

Katniss widened her eyes. "Do you think they'll have extra makeup there?"

"That was the part where you're supposed to tell us that District 13 doesn't exist," Twill said, frowning.

"It DOESN'T?"

"You don't really watch the news, do you?"

"They have the news on TV?" This was certainly news to Katniss. She usually tried to avoid anything educational on TV. She was known to spend countless hours watching reruns on the Mockinjay Channel, where people made cute little outfits for mockingjays and tried to force them onto the birds while avoiding the bird poop that would be raining down on them.

It was entertaining.

"Yeah, and they also show the reruns of past Games on TV too," Bonnie said.

Katniss snorted. "Oh, I know that. I watch them to see what outfits the tributes wear." Because she was just awesome like that. Suddenly, Katniss was struck with a thought. "Is anyone after you?" she asked, looking around in paranoia. Someone could be after her to, like, kidnap her and demand a ransom! Oh NO! That would be so terrifying. Or worse, they could be plotting to steal her makeup.

"We don't think so. I believe they think we died in a factory explosion," Twill said.

Katniss gasped. "If you died, how are you still here? Are you both ghosts?"

Twill sighed, resisting the urge to either start crying or laugh or ass off. "No, they only_ think_ we died. We didn't actually die."

"Oh," Katniss said. "That's good, right?"

"Yes, it's a very good thing we're not dead."

"Can we go inside? All this cold isn't good for my skin," Katniss complained. Bonnie and Twill complied and stepped into the house, as they were afraid that Katniss would alert her imaginary spoon police if they didn't.

Bonnie made straight for the hearth and lowered herself onto a Peacekeeper cloak that was spread in front of it. She held her hand to the feeble flame that burned on one end of a charred log. In the dim light, Katniss could tell that she needed an even bigger makeover than she originally thought.

"Are you out of food?" Katniss asked them.

"No, that's why we're boiling tea from pine needles," Twill said sarcastically. She hoped that Katniss would understand that she was being sarcastic, but you never know with Katniss.

"Oh, okay!" Katniss replied cheerily.

Twill sighed for about the thousandth time that day. "I was being sarcastic. We really are out of food."

"Oooooh," Katniss said, dragging the syllable out. "Well, that's sad because I forgot to bring food," Katniss said cheerfully.

Twill let out another sigh.

This made 1001.

**AN: Random cow fact came from Safira Rue Mellark. My friend would love all the random facts about cows. Is anybody as excited for the next Artemis Fowl book to come out as I am? I started reading the series a few months before The Time Paradox came out, so I've waited two years for book 7. When I found out about it, I literally started jumping up and down and squealed like a fangirl. Multiple times.**

**Review? **


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: I'm so depressed. I pre-ordered the latest Artemis Fowl book and it still hasn't been mailed to me yet. This chapter is probably going to reflect my mood—as chapters of most of my stories tend to do. I **_**think**_** I replied to everyone's reviews, but I've been really distracted these past few weeks, so if I haven't, you have permission to yell at me. **

Bonnie and Twill glared at Katniss as she started putting on makeup without a care in the world. She most certainly did not give a damn about anyone else's problems. Well, maybe she would have if they'd had pet spoons—after all, owners of pet spoons should unite against nonbelievers (Maybe Katniss could start an organization for owners of pet spoons? She would be the only member, but still)—but alas, they did not, so they were forced to fend for themselves against the harsh elements and the unforgiving Capitol totally and completely alone.

Well, they had each other, so maybe not ALONE. It just sounds better that way, so there.

"This is the part where you're supposed to help us," said Twill to Katniss.

Katniss sighed exasperatedly. "Do I ever stick to the script? Ever?"

"It's not just a matter of sticking to the script. It's a matter of being nice!"

"Am I ever nice? Ever?"

Bonnie turned to Twill. "Well, she has a point," she said. "But if you don't stick to the script, Katniss, you might get fired," she added.

"Fired from what?" Katniss asked.

Bonnie thought fast. "From life," she said. She was just making this up, but poor wittle Katniss wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

"Huh?"

"You will cease to exist…" Bonnie said ominously. She found that she enjoyed scaring Katniss. It was her new hobby. Along with stealing clothes, working in a factory, watching buildings blow up, and being on the run. Well, Bonnie didn't even like those activities, but those were really the only even slightly fun and exciting things she had ever had the chance to do. Bonnie hadn't had too many chances to find hobbies that she could actually talk to other people about without being forced into therapy. But most people in Panem seemed to need therapy, so at least she wasn't alone.

Katniss gasped. "Ceasing to exist sounds really bad…even though I have no idea what 'cease' means."

"I thought you only had trouble with words that are three syllables or longer," Twill said.

"Well…usually. But I'm stupid enough to mess up with one-syllable words too," Katniss said brightly.

"Did you just call yourself stupid?" Twill asked.

Katniss thought about this for a moment. Bonnie and Twill could practically hear the rusty gears in her head turning. "Uh…did I? Oopsies! So what happened back in District 8?"

"Well—" Bonnie began.

Katniss cut her off. "Don't know, don't care. Can you, like, hold Sue-Mary for me? I need to get something out of my bag and I don't want to set her on the ground." Katniss shoved Sue-Mary at Twill. She then proceeded to search through her bag. Eventually, she pulled out a bag of chocolate chip cookies.

Bonnie and Twill's mouths started watering almost immediately. "I thought you said you didn't have any food," Bonnie accused.

"Oh, did I say that?" Katniss said. "Well, you don't need this food anyway. You've only been on the run for a couple of days and can't catch your own food. You're going to survive for the next few hours at least. And I need these cookies!" she said indignantly.

"But you have food at your house. We're going to die of hunger!" Twill argued.

Katniss looked surprised. "Oh, this isn't for me. It's for Sue-Mary! She has to have her daily dose of sugar each day or she'll die," Katniss said seriously. She took Sue-Mary back from Twill and tried to "feed" her a cookie. That was basically holding the cookie out to Sue-Mary and hoping she'd take it with her nonexistent hands.

After a few minutes of nothing, Katniss said, "Sue-Mary, you better eat this cookie right now," she said. "If you don't get enough sugar, you'll die! I don't want you to die. You're my bestest friend." Katniss thought this over for a moment. "Well, other than Gale, but he doesn't count."

Sue-Mary didn't do anything.

"Um…I hate to break this to you, but Sue-Mary is an inanimate object. She's not going to do anything anytime soon," Twill said gently.

Katniss gasped. "How dare you? Sue-Mary isn't intaminate!"

"It's inanimate."

"Whatever."

"Sue-Mary, come on! Eat the cookie," Katniss said, smiling at Sue-Mary. After a few more minutes, she got a frustrated look on her face. "Look, I know you're dieting, but you can have a cookie once in a while, right?"

Sue-Mary remained idle.

"I appreciate you caring about your figure, but you need to eat sometime," Katniss said. After a few more minutes, Katniss finally gave up and put the cookie away. "Fine, be that way," she said, sticking her tongue out at Sue-Mary. Katniss looked outside. There was a mockinjay in the trees. Katniss widened her eyes. "OMG! I think I've seen that Mockingjay on the Mockingajay Channel!"

"Huh?" Bonnie asked.

"It's only the bestest thing on TV. People make outfits for mockingjays. You learn so much from it!"

"Like what?"

"Um…how to make clothes that fit on birds. What food will get them to come to you. And how to avoid bird poop. Though I haven't really learned much about that. All I've learned is that it's pretty hard to avoid bird poop when you're wearing 6-inch stilettos. So I'm going to wear 5-inch ones the next time I go chasing mockingjays!"

"Er…very…educational," Twill said.

"I know, right?"

"I'm gonna go chase after it now!" Katniss said excitedly, putting Sue-Mary back in her right pocket. Sue-Mary preferred the right pocket for some reason. "I need to get its autograph." Katniss got up and ran out the door, yelling, "Hey, mockingjay, come back here! I have a pen and I want your autograph. You looked so _cute_ in that green hat. Do you still have it?"

Needless to say, the bird started flying off as quickly as possible. It wanted to get away from the crazy lady dressed in pink.

Katniss ran after it, still yelling about how the sparkles on the hat really brought out the bird's eyes. Eventually, her voice faded into the distance.

"THEY USE THE SAME FOOTAGE OF DISTRICT 13 YEAR AFTER YEAR SO WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S THERE!" Bonnie yelled after Katniss.

Twill turned to the younger girl sharply. "You know she can't hear you, right?"

Bonnie shrugged. "I have to stick to the script too, so it was worth a try. If I don't, I'll get fired from life too. I like my life, thank you very much."

"Do you think she's coming back?" Twill asked.

"Probably not. Strangely, I'm happy. Should I be happy?"

"Well, she was probably the only one who could help us…" Twill sighed, thinking. "I'm happy too."

"Good."

* * *

Katniss stood in front of the fence. The mockingjay had already flown over it, and Katniss was mourning its loss. She _really_ wanted to get its advice on whether she should wear her light pink jacket or dark pink jacket on TV. The mockingjay had such a good fashion sense! It had chosen that prettiful hat, after all! Well, that hat had been the only one the people on the Mockingjay Channel could get on its head, but that counted, right?

Katniss was just about to crawl under the fence when she heard buzzing coming from it. It was alive with electricity.

This could only mean one thing.

Spoons had taken over District 12.

**AN: That sucked. I'm just not in a very good mood right now. I won't be in a good mood until I get AF 7. Next chapter will probably be funnier. I just didn't have much to work with for this chapter. All they really did was tell Katniss what happened in District 8.**

**Review?**


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: I'm in such a good mood! I don't know why! The next chapter will have…wait for it…Peeta/Katniss. I'm actually going to write a pairing I don't like. It's not like I **_**hate **_**it, but it'll be pretty hard to write. I just have too much of Gale and not enough of Peeta. **

Katniss didn't really know how she had come to the conclusion that spoons were to blame for the electrified fence, but it seemed like the only logical answer at the time. It couldn't be because the Peacekeepers had seen her going into the woods and had electrified the fence for the sole purpose of catching her out there. No, of course that wasn't it. Because Katniss hadn't been stupid enough to get caught.

That was when she spied the sign she had stuck to the fence when she had gone into the woods earlier. It said "KATNISS EVERDEEN IS IN THE WOODS. DO NOT DISTURB." in bright pink letters for everyone to see. Her mom might have wanted to come looking for her and Katniss wanted her to know exactly where she was.

Katniss wanted to charge through the fence and face the spoons head on. Maybe she would be able to talk some sense into them. And after they were all friends again, maybe they could join hands and sing happy songs. Katniss would even invite the hobo who lived next to her house. Most of the people in the Seam were pretty poor, but this guy was even worse off. Though that might be because he was insane and kept yelling, "I'm going to Vegas, baby," at odd moments.

Katniss paused to admire her reflection in a small mirror she pulled out of her purse. She was momentarily stunned by her beauty.

"Oh, Katniss, your beauty could start wars," she said to herself.

"Aww, Katniss, what a nice thing to say. I _am_ beautiful, aren't I?" she replied.

"Hey! I'm prettier than you are!" she protested indignantly.

"Nuh-uh. You have that awful zit on your nose!"

Katniss gasped. "OMG! How dare you bring that up!"

"In your face, sucker," Katniss said, laughing.

"Ohemgee. You have a zit on your nose too!" Katniss pointed at her face so the other Katniss could see where the blemish was.

Katniss touched her nose self-consciously then wailed. "Why oh why must I develop a zit?"

"That's so weird. Our zits are in the exact same spot and look exactly the same," Katniss said in wonder.

Katniss looked thoughtful. "Yeah, now that I think about it, we look exactly the same!"

"Who would've thought?"

Katniss was brought back to reality by a rise in the volume of the buzzing noise that was coming from the fence. Katniss thought about her situation and decided that there were only a few options.

1) Call for help.

2) Climb a tree to try to get over the fence.

3) Put on makeup and wait.

4) Give Sue-Mary over as a sacrifice and hope that any watching deities would shut off the electricity.

5) Enlist the help of dancing, singing woodland creatures.

Katniss would've picked option 5, but then she noticed that there were no singing animals around. It was a sad time when even squirrels wouldn't sing. Katniss wasn't going to sacrifice her bestest friend in the whole world, so option 4 was out. If she called for help, a lot of people would come and see her in her ugly state (for she had twigs in her hair and her clothes were dirty). Option three didn't seem very appealing because Katniss was hungry, so that left option 2.

Katniss had no athletic ability whatsoever.

This should be fun!

Katniss looked at the trees surrounding her, trying to find one that was high enough to fit her needs. While she was walking around the perimeter of the woods, she found a squirrel and promptly decided to ask it for help. "Hello, Mr. Squirrel. Can you show me the way to a tree that's high enough to get me over the fence but short enough so that I won't die falling from it?"

The squirrel just stared at her with its head cocked to the side, the universal sign for "Who's this crazy idiot talking to me?" Then it ran away, leaving Katniss flummoxed. She thought _all_ squirrels liked to randomly burst into song. She sighed. _Guess I'll have to find a tree on my own…_

Skirting along the tree line, she finally noticed it. There were many branches sticking out of it, so Katniss hoped she wouldn't have too much trouble climbing it…At first, she tried climbing with her purse still slung over her shoulder and failed, falling to the ground in a heap. Her second attempt was just as pathetic. Finally, she sat her purse on the ground next to the tree and grabbed a branch firmly with both hands. She began to try to hoist herself up, telling herself that she would try to get her purse afterward, even though that would be difficult.

Suddenly, Katniss heard loud chirping. _Mockingjays_, she thought. There were about five of them. The grabbed the strap of her bag between their beaks and flew off with it. Katniss froze in shock. Her bag had so much…stuff in it! Katniss would miss all of that..stuff. Because stuff was easy to miss. The mockingjays flew up high into the branches of the tree, their wings moving in synchronization. In fact, Katniss would have thought it looked pretty if she wasn't so horrified. As if they shared one brain, the mockingjays stopped flying at exactly the same time, when they were about 25 feet in the air. They set Katniss' bag down on one of the branches and flew off, happy that they had made Katniss' life harder. They vowed to tell their leader to he should make it a new reality TV show. "Making Katniss' Life Even Harder Than It Already Is". So many mockingjays would tune into their tiny mockingjay TVs to see Katniss get put in her place.

Katniss stared at her purse, wondering if she could somehow use a Harry Potter spell to get it down. "Accio," she muttered, concentrating with all her might. But still, the bag remained unmoved. Katniss felt her shoulders slump in defeat and began to climb up slowly, inch by inch. Well, at least now she had motivation. She would stop the spoon invasion. Then everyone would bow to her and thank her for her good deeds. In climbing up the tree, she acquired many scratches that would mar her prettiness. Katniss wondered if there was a Harry Potter spell to make her pretty again. Finally, she reached her bag. She pulled the strap over her shoulder and sighed in relief.

Then she looked down.

All sense of relief fled her body.

Katniss had never been scared of heights before, but that was back when she had only a slim chance of falling from something. Now, falling was her _purpose. _She could break important bones and die. Katniss looked around frantically. Still no singing woodland creatures. She cursed pinkly under her breath and jumped, closing her eyes.

Katniss probably would've broken her legs if strong arms hadn't caught her. Instead of landing on the hard ground, Katniss found herself in someone's arms. Someone who smelled strongly of alcohol. Someone who was wearing an itchy wool coat. She opened her eyes tentatively, afraid of what she would find. She found the smiling face of that hobo who lived next to her house smiling down at her, his teeth yellow and his breath stinky.

Even though her current position was definitely not where she wanted to be, she tried for diplomacy. After all, this person had saved her from pain.

"Thank you, Mr. Hobo." Katniss couldn't think of another name for the man. "Um…thanks for saving my life. Sorry for not knowing your name." She finished with what she hoped was a charming smile.

"Actually, Mr. Hobo is actually my name. Charles Hobo at your service, little missy," the hobo said, still smiling. His brown hair was balding, and his blue eyes looked a little…crazed. Okay, if that wasn't creepy, Katniss didn't know what was.

"Um…can you let me go? I need to get home…" Katniss said nervously, hoping this guy wasn't a serial killer. Mr. Hobo consented and set her down. Though "let go of her and let her fall on her butt" would be more accurate.

Katniss pouted. Falling on her butt was _not_ on her list of favorite things to do. The soon-to-be hero of District 12 shouldn't suffer such indignities.

"Um…thanks? You can go now." Katniss stood up, brushing herself off, wishing that there was a quick way to get the stench of hobo off of her.

The hobo walked away without so much as a good-bye. After he was almost out of sight, he suddenly yelled, "I'm going to Vegas, baby," at the top of his lungs.

Katniss shook her head in pity. She worried to the mental health of that man.

She began walking back home, already planning which songs she and the spoons could sing after she stopped the spoon takeover. Walking on Sunshine and We Are the Champions were good choices. _If someone was really walking on sunshine, they'd fall and die…_she thought. Then she shrugged and walked on. When she got to her house, she paused in front of the front door. Katniss was well aware of the fact that the spoons might have already invaded her home. She should keep quiet and tread carefully in case the spoons didn't want to talk to her. Of course, that was the smart thing to do (even though assuming that spoons had taken over the district wasn't smart in the first place).

What she actually did was another story.

Katniss knocked on the door and rang the doorbell simultaneously, creating a racket. "Open the door, you spoons! Come out and face me!" she yelled.

Suddenly, the door opened. Katniss was prepared to see a giant spoon, but instead, she came face-to-face with a Peacekeeper.

"OMG, you're a spoon disguised as a Peacekeeper!" she realized, clapping a hand to her mouth in shock. She started to tug at the Peacekeeper's face, believing that he was hiding a mask to hide his true identity.

"What are you doing, you bitch?" the Peacekeeper cried, wrenching his face away from Katniss. Katniss looked down in her hands. The mask hadn't come off. The spoons were getting better at dressing up as humans.

"Show your true identity, you spoon!" Katniss demanded, her hands on her hips. She heard footsteps, and suddenly, Katniss' mom, Prim, Haymitch, another Peacekeeper, and Peeta had joined Katniss and the Peacekeeper.

"What are you doing?" Katniss' mom asked, her hand over her mouth.

Katniss pointed an accusing finger at the Peacekeeper. "He's a spoon!" she said.

"Sweetie, he's just a Peacekeeper. Not a spoon," Katniss' mom said.

"OH NO, YOU'VE FALLEN UNDER HIS SPELL!"

Haymitch suddenly started singing Tik Tok to try and relieve the tension in the room.

It didn't work.

"Katniss, where were you?" the Peacekeeper asked.

Katniss gasped. "I'm not going to tell you! You just want to know so you can get your spoon spies to stalk me and convert me to your side. Well, it's not going to happen, mister." Katniss stomped her foot to emphasize her point.

"We're not spoons," the second Peacekeeper said exasperatedly. "We're human."

"That's what they all say," Katniss said suspiciously.

"Look, how many talking spoons have you actually met?"

"Well..,none," Katniss admitted.

"My point exactly."

Katniss' face hardened. "I BET YOU'RE ALL SPOONS! You've converted my family and friends to your side, but you'll never take my soul!" She proceeded to kick the Peacekeeper standing closest to her in the balls. He doubled over, moaning. Haymitch and Peeta winced and decided not to make Katniss mad while she was wearing pointy shoes.

The second Peacekeeper turned to Katniss' mom. "I don't think we're going to get any good information today. How do I get Katniss to shut up?"

Katniss' mom shrugged. "Just knock her out. That's what we've wanted to do from day one."

The Peacekeeper took her gun out and hit Katniss's head as hard as she could. Katniss fell to the ground, and this time, no hobo was there to catch her fall.

Katniss last thought before she blacked out was: _I didn't know spoons could hit that hard. _

**AN: I'm rereading Harry Potter 5. Lol. I'm actually looking forward to writing the next chapter. **** School started. My Biology teacher keeps saying crap. My friend giggles every time he says it. It wouldn't be so bad if my friend wasn't a boy who giggles like a girl. MOCKINGJAY COMES OUT TOMORROW!**

**Review?**


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: I'm so sorry I haven't updated for a while. I didn't want to update this until I finished Mockingjay (which was actually the Saturday after it came out), but when I finished it, I realized my friend had my copy of Catching Fire. And it's been trading hands ever since because I'm too nice to say no when people asked to borrow it. Plus, I've been way busy, so updates will be sparse. This chapter has no spoilers for Mockingjay, so if you haven't read the book, you can still read this. I don't feel like talking about Mockingjay. I didn't like it very much. I put the quadratic formula song in this chapter. For those of you who don't know it, it goes to the tune of Pop Goes the Weasel.**

"Hiya, Katniss. I've got a great day planned out. You wanna read the schedule I wrote for us?" Peeta asked, bounding into Katniss' room, looking happier than anyone had a right to look at 5 o' clock in the morning. Peeta had pulled an all-nighter writing his lovely, lovely schedule, staying awake on excessive amounts of caffeine and cookies.

"Wha—" Katniss asked blearily, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"KATNISS WAKE UP!" yelled Peeta as he walked over to Katniss' bed. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her, hoping that it would wake her up more fully.

"_Peeta_, I'm sleepy! Go away!" she demanded, falling back onto her pillow.

"But I stayed up all night writing a schedule! So that by the end of the day, you'll fall in love with me."

"But I don't wanna fall in love with you," Katniss complained.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT! YOU'RE GOING TO DO WHAT'S ON MY SCHEDULE!" Peeta's nostrils flared. Katnis took one look at his enlarged (and decidedly creepy-looking) nostrils and sat up.

"Fine. I'm up. We're supposed to be working on the book of spoons my family started way back when. Is that on your schedule?" Katniss asked.

"No…"

"But we're supposed to work on it…"

"Oh, screw the book," Peeta said offhandedly. He grabbed a large, leather-bound book off Katniss' bedside table and threw it out the open window. It hit Charles Hobo, who just happened to be lurking outside Katniss' window (can we say creeper?). But of course, not even a large book hitting him could dampen his spirits and dreams of going to Vegas.

He merely shrugged the incident off and yelled, "I'm going to Vegas, baby!" then ran away.

Back in Katniss' room, Katniss looked at Peeta patronizingly. "That was the wrong book," she said.

"Oh…really?" Peeta bit his lip.

"Yeah…that was some book that some old dude started about herbs that nobody ever liked. _That's _the book I was talking about." Katniss pointed to a bright pink book that was situated on top of her dresser. It was so garishly pink that Peeta had trouble looking at it without throwing up.

"Well, screw _that_ book, then," he decided.

Peeta took out a piece of paper from his pocket and read aloud the first activity on his schedule, "I scheduled a game of checkers at 6:15. Up and at 'em, Katniss. We've got a good day ahead of us!"

Katniss grumbled as she got out of bed, but she did so nevertheless.

An Hour Later

"I HATE YOU, KATNISS! HOW COULD YOU BEAT ME AT CHECKERS! I'M THE UNDEFEATED CHAMPION IN MY FAMILY!" Peeta had tears in his eyes as Katniss took his last piece.

"I thought you loved me?" Katniss raised her eyebrows.

Peeta pouted. "How did you beat me? I thought you were stupid!"

"Oh, I just imagined that my pieces were spoons and yours were the bad guys," Katniss explained.

"I demand a rematch!"

5 Games Later

"…I can't believe you won every one of those games…" Peeta said, dumbfounded.

"Can I go back to bed now?" Katniss asked hopefully.

"Noooooo! We still have the rest of the activities on my schedule!" he said stubbornly.

"Didn't you say that you only set aside 2 hours for checkers? We've been playing for five," Katniss pointed out.

Peeta looked down at his schedule, then at his watch, then back at his schedule, his head whipping back and forth quickly. He shrieked. "Oh NO! I have to rewrite the whole schedule now!" Peeta ran into the kitchen to grab a pencil and started crossing things out on his "Schedule of Love" (as he called it). After five minutes, he came back into the living room, looking triumphant.

"It's okay. Everything is fine. I had to cross the hot dog eating contest off the schedule and I only have a minute to sing random songs as opposed to an hour, but everything will work out in the end."

Peeta, who was probably expecting Katniss to be as relieved as he was, was probably disappointed when Katniss looked indifferent. Peeta, hoping to break the awkward silence, cleared his throat loudly. "According to my schedule, I'm supposed to sing happy songs now because girls like guys who can sing."

Katniss nodded. "Yup!" she said brightly. "But Peeta, maybe you shouldn't—"

"I only have 1 minute to sing a song, according to my schedule, so shut up and let me _sing_ already!"

Katniss held her hands up in surrender. "Okay, fine," she said.

Peeta thought about it for a minute then started singing the first thing he could think of in a very off-key voice. "X equals negative b; Plus or minus square root; B squared minus 4ac; All over 2a."

Katniss gaped at the absolutely badosity of it. "Um…did you sing a song about math?"

"Yup! Did it win you over? I read somewhere that girls totally dig guys who can sing!" he said excitedly.

"Not all of them…"

"But that was good, right? Or should I have sung it in a British accent? Don't girls think they're hot?"

Katniss, feeling the sudden urge to facepalm, cringed. She wanted to say, "Yeah, they're totally hot, but not when you're singing a song about the quadratic formula. Because _no one_ can make that song sound sexy," but she didn't. She didn't think she'd be able to take it if Peeta started crying. He didn't even have a pet spoon to comfort him in case that happened. Geez, Peeta really was an idiot. "Let's just go to the next activity on your schedule."

Peeta looked down at his piece of paper. "Ooh, the next activity is a 3-minute bathroom break! I'm so smart that I planned all the bathroom breaks we're taking today. I planned 10 for the whole day. Do you think that's enough? Maybe I should add one more..." Peeta said uncertainly. Suddenly, his watch beeped. "Ooh, can't talk now! Peeing time!" Peeta then proceeded to run to the bathroom, throwing the door open. It hit the wall so hard that it swung back, shutting.

Three minutes later, Peeta came back. "I scheduled 3 hours for us to watch quality television."

"Ooh, can we, like, watch the Mockingjay Channel? There's this hot new outfit that they're trying out." Katniss eyes glazed over as she thought about the outfit's awesomeness.

"Psh, that isn't quality television. We're watching SPONGEBOB!" Peeta declared excitedly. He ran over to the plush couch and plopped down, picking up the remote. He turned on the TV and flipped through the channels until he found one that was showing reruns of, according to him, the best show ever. His eyes became fixated on the screen, and he was still staring at it when he waved Katniss over. She sat down reluctantly, as far away from Peeta as possible. Because well, anyone who seemed to be that obsessed with Spongebob should really get a life.

"I didn't even know they showed Spongebob on TV," Katniss mumbled.

Peeta gasped. "Of course they do! Spongebob is a classic! Right up there with Harry Potter Puppet Pals."

After 30 minutes of watching Spongebob, Katniss was even more bored than that time Gale dragged her to the store to help him pick out the best shade of black lipstick. Sure, Katniss liked makeup. But _black_? Not so much.

"Peeta, can we puh-leeze do something else?" Katniss whined, tugging on Peeta's arm.

"NO! We have 2 hours and 30 minutes left of watching TV and the schedule is always right."  
Peeta's watch beeped again, and Katniss grinned.

"Oh, it's time for another bathroom break," she said. "Why don't you just go and give me the remote? It's not like I'm going to change the channel…" Katniss trailed off, making Peeta think that she _was_ going to change the channel.

"Silly Katniss. It isn't time for another bathroom break. But I have something else planned!" Peeta swung an arm over Katniss' shoulders and left it there. Katniss shifted uncomfortably.

"So…what did you have planned?" she asked awkwardly.

"I found a website that said that girls like it when you're their friend, so this is what I planned to show you friendship." Peeta paused. "Is it working?"

"Can you please get your arm off my shoulder?"

"That depends. Can you get your shoulder out from under my arm?"

Katniss glared at Peeta and turned back to the TV. "Fine. Have it your way," she grumbled.

Two Hours 30 Minutes Later

"YES! We're done watching Spongebob. Right, Peeta? Right?" Katniss was practically bouncing up and down in excitement.

"Yeah…we're gonna bake a cake now!" Peeta announced, running into the kitchen to get his cake-making supplies.

"But…why?" Katniss asked.

"Because if the schedule says so, so it must be," Peeta stated matter-of-factly.

"You know _you_ wrote the schedule, right?"

"So?"

"You can change it at any moment," Katniss said slowly, as if she wanted to get an idea across to someone particularly stupid. Which is kind of difficult, because there were few people even more stupid than her.

Peeta widened his eyes and pointed an accusing finger at Katniss. "BLASPHEMER!" he yelled.

Katniss sighed. "If I kiss you, will you leave?"

Peeta nodded enthusiastically. "Wow. A kiss would be 5 hours ahead of schedule, but I don't care anymore!" Peeta let out a huge cry of triumph and closed his eyes, waiting for Katniss to kiss him.

Katniss leaned it, but before she knew it, something hard hit the back of her head.

And everything went black for the second chapter in a row, just because the author couldn't think of any other way to end it.

**AN: I don't really like this chapter. I haven't written this for a while so I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. Please forgive the suckishness. I actually had more planned for this chapter, but I have a crapload of homework left. There was a small math lesson in there. Who **_**says**_** you don't learn anything from fanficion? I'm just curious, did any of you learn the quadratic formula song in Algebra? Or is it just my school? I wish I could go back to Algebra…Geometry is confusing. **

**Please please please please**

**Review? **


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: It's my birthday. *gives halfhearted cheer* This chapter's pretty short. Sorry.**

"What the heck! She's mine! !" a light-colored blob yelled. Katniss blinked, trying to make everything come into focus, but she just groaned and failed.

"You're an idiot!" a darker blob yelled back. Katniss wondered if they were Martians. She'd heard that Martians were green though…

"And you're an emo!" the lighter blob retorted.

"Well, girls dig emos!"

"SO? KATNISS LOVES ME!"

Katniss started at the sound of her name. They were arguing over her. This was _sososososo_ romantic. Like something out of a romantic comedy. Or Twilight. Twilight _did_ have an epical fight scene between Edward and Jacob about who was better for Bella, right?

Oh, who was she kidding? The words "Twilight" and "fight scene" don't even go together.

Katniss blinked again, more rapidly now. Slowly, everything became clear again. Gale and Peeta were facing each other, with their fists clenched at their sides. Gale was holding a baseball bat. Katniss glanced at it, then felt the bump that was rising on the back of her head. Maybe…he…had… Katniss felt groggy and disorientated and couldn't think straight. But then, when had she ever thought straight?

And _of course_ Gale hadn't been the one to hit Katniss just to stop her from kissing Peeta. Because that _so_ wasn't why he was carrying a baseball bat. Maybe he was just going to challenge Peeta to a friendly game of baseball where they could pretend the ball was President Snow's head!

"Well, Dumbledore is going to help me win my quest to get Katniss!" Peeta declared.

Gale snorted. "In case you hadn't noticed, Dumbledore's _dead_. And besides, I have hobos with flamethrowers on my side!"

Peeta cursed under his breath. "Darn it! Those hobos are such traitors! They promised they'd join an alliance with me already! Well, it's _their_ loss because I have Lady Gaga on my side." Katniss was still lying on the ground. Gale and Peeta were totally oblivious to the fact that she was now conscious. And they claimed to be in love with her. Well, if they were, they'd totally just _know_ when she had recovered. WHY COULDN'T HER LIFE BE A ROMANCE NOVEL? WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SOME CRAPPY ANTI-WAR THINGAMABOB?

"_Nuh-uh_," Gale insisted. "The hobos would just go hobo on her and she'd die."

"Well, Lady Gaga will buy some hobo repellant. WHAT NOW?"

"Psh, you can't fight hobos with hobo repellant."

"Fine. If you get hobos, I get Grindelwald."

"Then I get Voldemort."

"NO FAIR! You can't call dibs on You-Know-Who. Only _I_ can do that," Peeta yelled.

"Then why do you get Lady Gaga? I wanted Lady Gaga!"

Peeta tapped his chin, thinking. "Fine. I'll trade Lady Gaga for Voldemort, okay?"

Gale brightened. "Sure! Think they'd agree to it?"

"I doubt they'd care." Peeta paused. "And I get Barney."

Gale narrowed his eyes. "You. Wouldn't. Dare," he said murderously. "You know how I feel about Barney."

"Which is exactly why I picked him." Peeta smirked.

"Well, then, I get the Society for Misunderstood Emo People," Gale said.

"They'd just cry and cut themselves," Peeta pointed out exasperatedly.

"So? Barney would just sing songs all day about how we should love each other."

"STOP DISSING BARNEY! BARNEY DOESN'T LOVE YOU!" Peeta shrieked. He randomly pulled out a plush Barney doll out of his back pocket (no idea how it had fit) and hugged it to his chest. "Psh, Barney, don't listen to the mean man. He just has low self-esteem and makes other people feel inadequate to make himself feel better."

"I don't do that," Gale protested.

"Uh-huh. You make fun of me all the time." Peeta crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. "Besides, I got Edward Cullen as my homie, and he's gonna kick yo ass," Peeta threatened, making hand motions that were presumably supposed to show "ass-kicking". He accidentally dropped Barney and hastily picked him up again. He started to suck the thumb on his free hand.

There was an awkward silence. Katniss bit her lip nervously and Gale twitched.

Peeta pouted some more. "What's wrong with having Edward Cullen on my side?" Peeta demanded.

"What's he gonna do? Scare people away with his creepiness? And did you just try to talk gangsta?"

"Yo mama," Peeta replied.

"You fail at life."

"Boys, there's no need to fight over me! Even though it _is_ like sosososoososos hot—"

Gale interrupted her. "You're conscious?"

Katniss gave him a toothy grin. "DUH!"

Peeta's lower lip trembled. "You were conscious and you didn't tell me! I thought you loved me," he wailed.

"Can I be excused to cut myself now?" Gale asked, trying to sneak away.

Katniss looked shocked. "No! Of course not! You're going to stay here and prove your love for me."

"Why would I do that?" Gale said, confused.

"Don't you want me?"

"I guess?" Gale said uncertainly.

"Well, then, I think it's time for a little competition."

* * *

"Ooh, pretty colors!" Peeta exclaimed as he examined the jars of paint in front of him. Katniss was leading him and Gale into a room in her house with art supplies strewn everywhere. "Oh, you like art?" Peeta asked.

Katniss shook her head. "Nah, Buttercup is really into drawing." Katniss pointed to a perfect drawing of a landscape. "She did that. 'Course, I had to give her some entrails to make her draw it, but still."

Gale just raised a heavily-made-up eyebrow and walked into the room.

"What are we doing here?" Peeta asked, bouncing around happily.

"Okay, like, you know how I love pink, right? Well, of course you do. Duh. So, I wanted you to, like, mix a bunch of colors and see who can come up with the pinkest pink ever, k?"

"B—but, I just wanna go home and read depressing crap people post online!" Gale complained.

"Well, too bad. Now, start mixing," Katniss commanded.

Both Gale and Peeta sat down and began mixing random colors together.

15 Minutes Later

"So…what colors have you made?" Katniss asked, peering over Gale's shoulder. Gale had mixed a bunch of colors together to make a lovely shade of…

Black.

"Isn't it beautiful, Katniss?" Gale said proudly. There were tears of joy in his eyes as he looked at his exquisite creation. He dipped a finger into the paint and played around with it.

Katniss made a face. "That's, like, not pink."

"It sure isn't." Gale was still looking at his concoction with love in his eyes.

Katniss decided that looking at what Peeta had made was probably the best decision right then.

Katniss walked over to Peeta and looked into his jar of paint. "That look like barf," she commented, wrinkling her nose.

"Uh…that's because it is barf," Peeta said ashamedly. "Apparently, paint fumes make me throw up."

Katniss then realized that maybe she would have more luck doing this competition with fictional characters.

After all, they seemed to be infinitely more perfect than guys in real life.

**AN: I really should update this more. Because when I leave it for a while…it's crappy. I'm so sorry. It's just…I've been distracted lately and the humor part of my brain doesn't seem to be working. All I want to write is ANGSTANGSTANGST. But ANGSTANGSTANGST makes me depressed, so I'll have to settle for . Maybe I'm just too critical of my own writing. I'm looking back at some of the stuff I've written in the past and all I can do is cringe. I can't believe I ever wrote stuff that bad. Still writing stuff that bad. **

**Review?**


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: Heh...my friend tried to drag me into Abercrombie today. I think I almost died from the preppiness. **

"Surprise! We're here early!" Katniss' prep team squealed as they ambushed her on her way to the kitchen. Octavia placed a cloth sack on Katniss' head and tied it so that Katniss couldn't tug it off.

"WTFWTFWTF?" Katniss screamed, but they paid her no heed as they slapped her repeatedly through the rough sack. Katniss groaned, wondering what she had done to deserve this. It wasn't like she had forced some guys to compete for her love yesterday (even thought it had been a fail). Katniss' bottom lip began trembling. Why was the world conspiring against her? WHY? Katniss actually had a large bag of Tootsie Rolls in her pocket, but she couldn't eat them because of the large bag over her head. Oh, the irony.

She wanted those Tootsie Rolls.

After 20 minutes, the prep team finally stopped the beating. Flavius removed the sack from Katniss' head and surveyed her black eye and bloody lip.

"Do you think she's ugly enough now?" Flavius asked Cinna, who stood with a hand on his hip.

Cinna cocked his head to the side, looking at Katniss with a scrutinizing expression. "Hm…maybe we should punch her other eye too..." he mused.

Flavius complied and punched Katniss, giving her another black eye. Before Katniss could yell out, he put his hand over her mouth so that she was unable to say anything. She struggled, but couldn't get herself out of his grip.

Finally, Cinna gave a slow nod. "Yes, I think she's ready."

Flavius removed his hand from Katniss' mouth, and she gagged and wiped her mouth on her sleeve, making sure that the germs would be evicted.

"What was that for?" she demanded.

Cinna shrugged offhandedly. "Ugly is the new _in_, honey. It's the look everyone is requesting for your wedding dress pictures."

"Couldn't you just like, put makeup to make it LOOK like I was hurt?" Katniss grumbled. She made an unconscious move to touch her eye, but then stopped herself just in time, knowing that it would probably hurt like heck.

"We were going for the natural look. It's _in_ right now too."

"So if dead was the new _in_, you would probably kill me then dress me up for pictures?" Katniss asked sarcastically.

"In a heartbeat."

Katniss made a mental note not to tell Cinna when that trend started if it ever happened.

Octavia shoved Katniss into a chair, presumably so that she could be given a makeover. Katniss sighed in relief when she saw the large tube of concealer. Cinna was planning to make her prettyful again with makeup! But Cinna took one look at all the makeup and gave Octavia, Flavius, and Venia a command that would haunt Katniss for the rest of her life.

"Throw all the makeup away. We're not going use any of it."

Katniss shuddered. Venia didn't even argue as she threw away all the makeup into a large trash can that had been conveniently placed in Katniss' living room. And was it just her imagination or were _little green men_ really pushing the trash can away? Katniss sobbed as the trash can that contained the pretty, pretty, cosmetics was taken away from her.

Katniss turned to Cinna with wet eyes. "You're like SO MEAN!"

He patted the top of her head awkwardly. "It's okay. That's what my boyfriend tells me too."

He gestured to Flavius, who started messing up Katniss' hair so that it was as twisted, tangled, and bedhead-ish as possible. Octavia began shoving dirt underneath Katniss' fingertips. Venia began to messily apply makeup to Katniss' face so that she faintly resembled a clown. After lipstick had been applied to her lips, it looked like she was a vampire who had just drank a large amount of blood.

They shoved her into a dress that had been rolled around in the mud so that its pretty white color was no longer visible. There was a matching headpiece that consisted of a garish gargoyle face on top of a golden band and a veil that was moldy and smelled like crap. After the photographer finished getting enough pictures of her in that dress, they moved on to other dresses, each one uglier than the last. By the time the photo shoot was over, Katniss was exhausted and just wanted to curl up in bed, sucking her thumb.

And she did just that.

The next morning (huh, more like noon), when Katniss went to check up on Sue-Mary, she found that the spoon had a raging fever. Katniss had left Sue-Mary next to a window the night before because she had been too tired to move her anywhere else. When Katniss went to pick Sue-Mary up, she found out that her best friend was blazing hot. Temperature-wise, people. Not appearance-wise. Katniss wondered why "wise" was added at the end of some words. It wasn't like it made the words any _smarter. _

Katniss dropped Sue-Mary immediately, for fear that her hand would get burned. "Why did you decide to get sick _today_? I wanted to hang out with you. This is like terrible," Katniss whined.

Katniss rushed into the kitchen, hoping to find her mother. But the kitchen was empty of all human life, and there was only a Post-It note on the counter. Katniss walked up to it to read it. It was written in her mother's practical, neat handwriting.

"Katniss, I've stepped out to get some food. Please refrain from having another tea party for all the spoons we own like you did the last time I left you alone in the house. I don't want to have to clean everything up again. If you need anything, go to Haymitch and hope that he's sober. Even though that's probably impossible."

Katniss ran out the front door to the house next door, where she literally ran into Haymitch, who was just going to get some more beer.

"What do you want?" he asked her irritably. "Can't you just let me go get drunk in peace?"

"SUE-MARY IS SICK! YOU HAVE TO COME GIVE HER SURGERY OR SOMETHING! ISN'T THAT WHAT PEOPLE DO WHEN SOMEONE HAS A FEVER?" Katniss yelled directly in Haymitch's ear. He glared at her.

"What is your _problem?"_

"Is it my fault that I need someone to help my best friend? She like has a fever!"

"Go tell your mom." Haymitch tried to push Katniss out of the way, but she planted her feet firmly in place.

"She's not here, and she told me that if I needed anything, I should come to you."

"And this is why a rebellion in District 12 would fail," Haymitch mumbled.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Katniss asked petulantly.

"If this district is made up of mostly people like _you_, then they'd rather fix their nails all day than to rebel!"

"What's wrong with _that_? Rebelling can kill you, you know." Katniss nodded to emphasize her point. "Yup. Nobody wants to die. Duh."

"Your friend Gale does," Haymitch pointed out.

"Well, he doesn't count."

At that moment, Prim ran up to Katniss and tagged on her sleeve. "I heard that they're showing pictures from your photo shoot _right now_," she said, dragging Katniss away.

Katniss failed at trying to stop Prim and finally consented to getting led into her house and being sat in front of her couch in front of the TV. On the screen were pictures of her in the dresses she had worn yesterday at the photo shoot. The crowd seemed to like the first dress the best. The mud-caked one. In fact, some of the audience members had smeared mud on their clothes in support of the dress.

Suddenly, the onslaught of photos stopped, and the camera switched to President Snow, who was holding a single card.

Katniss pouted. "Why did they have to show _him_? He's nowhere as pretty as me."

"There's supposed to be a whole lot of dramatic buildup, but I was, like, to heck with it. I'm just going to tell everyone what we're gonna do for the next Quarter Quell even though we're not supposed to do it," President Snow said. He read from the card, "This year, the tributes will be selected from the victors of previous Games. This means that you're going to die, Katniss Everdeen." Someone off-screen yelled at him. "Oh, was I not supposed to make it obvious that I just want to get rid of Katniss? Whatever."

Katniss sighed. She was going back into the arena. You'd think the people in charge of her life story would be tired of putting her into the Games over and over again.

She wondered if the arena would have cute little unicorns this time.

But knowing how the Gamemakers thought, the unicorns would probably have an unnatural hunger for human flesh.

**AN: I'm actually okay with this chapter. Well, the beginning anyway. I lurved Katniss' makeover. I have too much homework. It sucks. These days, I would love to have just ONE day where I could relax with a good book and my iPod. Can't wait for Thanksgiving Break. But do you know what SUCKS about that break? My Geometry project is due on the Monday after it. Fun. Can't fucking wait. **

**Review?**


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: I haven't updated for 2 months. *is disappointed with self* You all have permission to stab me, kk? This chapter is very...not funny. I've been writing more serious stuff lately, and my funny gene seems to have been turned off. I skipped through most of chapter 13, because it's so fucking boring. And yes, this is damn short. I am annoyed—very annoyed. I just...can't seem to be funny anymore.**

Katniss needed alcohol. Lots of it. Good alcohol. Bad alcohol. Fermented alcohol. Bad-smelling alcohol. Pink-dyed alcohol. Alcohol laced with feces. It didn't matter.

But unfortunately, alcohol costs money, and she had left her purse at home. As Katniss began to ask random hobos on the street for money that could be used toward her acquirement of alcohol, a strong hand grabbed her forearm.

Right. It was probably a rapist, pedophile, or Winnie the Pooh turned creepy.

"Who are you?" she said as she struggled against the offending hand. She saw a uniform flash before her eyes before she got hit in the back of the head hard. Katniss flinched. "What was that for?" she demanded.

"Sorry, ma'am, we were, um, ordered to take you," a male voice said. Katniss saw that her captor was a blonde Peacekeeper. Just as Katniss made the decision to kick him in the balls, another Peacekeeper, black-haired this time, took her other arm, surprising her and inhibiting her escape tactic, if it could even be called as such.

"I guess you're not Winnie the Pooh?" Her voice was vaguely disappointed—only if it was because she wanted to steal his honey and take it for herself.

"Nope."

"Not even a pedophile version of Winnie the Pooh?"

"No, sorry."

"And you don't have pink hair dye?"

They shook their heads.

What was the use in Peacekeepers if they were hair-dye-less non-Winnie posers? All they were good for was, like, patting their heads. And she proceeded to do just that. Luckily, her heels were high, or she wouldn't have reached their heads at all.

"Can we take you and leave now?" one of them said awkwardly. Apparently, he did not respond well to having his head patted. Katniss wondered how his mother had put up with him. Everyone should like to have their head patted.

"Well, I actually need to get my spoon first..." Katniss trailed off, looking at the Peacekeepers with widened Bambi eyes.

"We," he paused to cough in a fake manner, "have a pie eating contest in an hour so we really have to get going." He said this all in a rush, and afterward, his cheeks flushed a bright red.

Katniss stamped her foot in response. "Let me get my best friend first," she demanded.

The Peacekeepers looked at each other and shrugged at this ridiculous request. Who would want to bring their best friend along to possibly get killed by the Capitol? Apparently, Katniss.

"Um, uh, the president just told us to bring you, so..." He scratched his head, wondering what he should do.

"_But I want my friend," _Katniss hissed.

The Peacekeepers finally relented and Katniss ran inside her house, happy that she had convinced them to listen to her. She saw Sue-Mary lying conveniently on the kitchen table and she squealed as she ran over. She grabbed the spoon's handle and ran outside again. "Okay! We can go now!" she exclaimed.

The men raised their eyebrows, wondering if Katniss knew that she was walking toward her doom. Probably not. And why the _hell_ was she holding a spoon?

"I thought you, uh, were going to get your best friend?" one of the men asked.

Katniss placed her hands on her hips and accidentally stabbed herself with Sue-Mary, as the spoon was still in her left hand. "Sue-Mary _is_ my best friend!" she protested.

"The spoon?"

"I'm so glad you understand!" gushed Katniss.

With that, the Peacekeepers looked at each other, shrugged again, and picked her up easily. They made sure to steer clear of the spoon, thinking that it may have magical dark powers of magicality—for how else had it convinced a perfectly intelligent being to be its friend? Katniss knew that she was supposed to be planning her escape. She sure as hell didn't want to go back to the Games and possibly get killed. But as the Peacekeepers dragged her away, all she could think about was the fact that there was gum on the back of her shoe that looked like Elvis Presley's face.

She was nothing if not quick-thinking.

"Wait, isn't there supposed to be a reaping?" she yelled, struggling in the Peacekeepers' arms. They looked at each other once then shrugged.

"We don't know, sorry. There, uh, was just this fat guy who told us to get you even if you didn't want to go," one of the men said.

"Did he happen to have breath that smelled like roses and chubby cheeks?" Katniss asked them. She stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at the Peacekeepers. She refused to move until given an answer.

"Um...yes?" the Peacekeeper answered.

"Did he happen to be called President Snow?" Katniss wondered why the Peacekeepers didn't know who they were working under, especially since he appeared on TV about once every day. Katniss should know. He interrupted her specials on the Mockingjay Channel all the time with "important" news. One time, she had been learning how to make knitted sweaters for mockingjays—she was also stabbing herself with the needle, but that was beside the point.

He had interrupted with one of his ubiquitous announcements showing District 13 and what was there now. Why couldn't he interrupt the show with hot guys dancing in their underwear instead? She may have actually appreciated it.

But _no, _the reporter-person-thing wasn't even hot. _And _it showed Snow's face at the end.

"Actually, he said his name was Leslie or something," the blonde Peacekeeper replied. He shrugged.

"Leslie Snow?" Katniss inquired.

"All he said was that his name was Leslie." The Peacekeeper looked irritated now. "Now, let's go." He grabbed her arm, making her drop Sue-Mary onto the ground.

Before she knew it, a random kid on the street had picked up the spoon and was running away with her. Katniss tried to run after the boy, but in her tall heels, she tripped and fell. She was lucky that she didn't sprain her ankle. In front of her eyes, she saw her best friend being forcibly taken away. Halfway gone, the kid turned back and stuck his tongue out at Katniss, seeing her pathetic state as a heap on the ground.

Katniss widened her eyes in shock.

Sue.

Mary.

Was.

Gone.

Katniss blinked, not comprehending what had just happened. _Some random kid had just stolen her only friend. _

Tears welled up in her eyes and she began to realize that she would never see Sue-Mary ever again. Everevereverever—

"Why did this have to happen to me why couldn't it have happened to like Miley Cyrus instead?" Katniss shrieked in a rush at no one. She was friendless—except for Gale, but seeing as she wanted to wallow in self-pity, she pushed that thought out of her mind—and alone in the world. She was crying profusely, and she would like to believe that they were pink tears. Because pink tears were cool.

In Katniss' crying fit, the two Peacekeepers managed to get her onto a train headed for the Capitol. When she was thrown in, she could see that Peeta was there as well. He was cowering against a seat, counting his fingers over and over again. Whenever he got to 10, he would go back and start over. He seemed entranced.

"Hi, Peeta," Katniss said tentatively. She poked his shoulder.

"Katniss!" he screamed. He jumped up and gave her a huge bear hug, somehow not stopping his counting. It was awkward for Katniss because Peeta's mouth was really close to her ear and she had to hear him count from one to ten repeatedly.

After a while, Katniss finally pulled away. "I have to go, um, dye my hair pink now."

Peeta's eyes began tearing up. "No, Katniss! Stay!"

"Promise not to hug me again?"

"Pwomise." Peeta grinned toothily.

Katniss sat down on the train reluctantly, making sure to stay as far from Peeta as possible. There was an awkward silence. "Peeta...why did they pick you and not Haymitch?" Katniss asked. "Or did you actually get reaped, and it was actually random?"

"No. Haymitch and I played Monopoly. He was banker and he got to pay himself money for the job, so he won." Peeta nodded seriously. "It was a game well-played. I lasted 5 minutes without going bankrupt! Aren't you proud of me, Katniss?" Peeta looked around. "Where's Sue-Mary?"

Katniss was once again hit with the realization that her friend was gone.

She began shrieking again, holding a high-pitched wail much longer than humanly possible.

Peeta shrugged and started screaming too, jumping on the bandwagon just for the heck of it.

It was fun.

**AN: My music taste has only gotten progressively stranger. It's gotten heavier, but a lot more pop-ish too. So yah... I have no idea. I was going to update this sooner. But...****I got sidetracked by my fangirling of Andy Six. **

**I actually don't even like the Black Veil Brides, except for two songs. O.O**

**But Anddddyyyyyy...**

***squeals***

**Apparently, my fangirl side is scary. *shrugs***

**Review?**


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